


Lost Without You

by Wildathartt84



Series: Something Good [2]
Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: College, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Future Fic, Major Character Injury, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Hatred, Shoni - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:54:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 67,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28562361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildathartt84/pseuds/Wildathartt84
Summary: Two years after the events of Part 1 of this series: Letters.Shelby and Toni are still together, still in Minnesota. They are both taking classes at a local university and have an off-campus apartment.Title of Work from Freya Ridings Song: Lost Without You
Relationships: Dot Campbell/Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke, Regan & Toni Shalifoe, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Series: Something Good [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092731
Comments: 305
Kudos: 854





	1. Chapter 1

“Our God is an Awesome God.” Rang out from the shower as Toni slowly came to and covered her head with a pillow and growled. She had lived with Shelby for almost a year and a half now and she would never get used to Shelby’s choice of songs to sing in the shower. Luckily, she knew exactly how to stop the singing.

Toni got out of bed and started shedding clothes on her way into the bathroom. She would lie to herself and say she would pick them up later but in reality, Shelby would probably have them picked up and in the washer before Toni even remembered she had left them on the floor.

She stood outside the shower for a moment just admiring Shelby, lost in song. She was so beautiful. Her blonde hair had long grown back and she kept it long like it had been when they first met. It rained down her back as she swayed to her own singing.

She couldn’t believe this beautiful girl had chosen her. People always said relationships were hard, and Toni believed them but things with Shelby just felt so right. They struggled with finding enough time together between school and both of them working but they never struggled with each other.

She hated that they both had to work so much but she loved that they were independent and didn’t need anyone but each other. Shelby’s mom had offered to help them with rent but they had decided that it was important for them to do this on their own and it was a fact Toni was extremely proud of.

That didn’t mean it was easy, she wanted to give Shelby the world, take her out to dinner, on elaborate vacations. Hopefully one day she could. The criminal trial against Gretchen and her company had wrapped up earlier this year, allowing for the civil trial to begin, they were just waiting to hear the verdict. Their lawyer had been reluctant to guesstimate how much money they were talking. Toni honestly didn’t care how much, she just wanted enough that her and Shelby could be stable and not have to worry so much about making ends meet.

The chorus of the song was blaring from the shower again. She could stare at Shelby all day, but the singing. Must stop the singing.

Toni opened the glass shower door and wrapped her arms around Shelby’s waist from behind. Shelby did indeed stopped singing and leaned back into her with a soft murmur.

“Good morning beautiful,” Toni said as she started kissing down Shelby’s neck. Shelby turned around and hugged Toni to her. Taking her face in her hands and kissing her slowly as the shower water fell all around them.

Toni let a hand trace down Shelby's side teasing under her breasts and around her belly button. She inched her hand down in between Shelby's legs as she started gently kissing and sucking the water on Shelby's neck and shoulders. Shelbys leaned her head back and moaned into the falling water. 

Toni was making coffee for her and Shelby using their French press and Shelby was still in their bedroom getting ready. If 15-year-old Toni could see her now, she would be appalled. It was one of the few luxuries Shelby had introduced her to that she couldn’t live without. Thursday was a late day for both of them but the good thing was it was also a late starting day for both of them.

Neither one of them had work or class before 10, so it was one of Toni’s favorite days because they could ease through their morning together. Toni had 2 classes today, Statistics and Writing in the Workplace today, and she had made sure to finish her homework last night at her rec center job so they she could actually be with Shelby this morning before they both had to go to campus. Another reason she liked Thursdays, their schedules were similar enough that they could drive to campus together, that didn’t happen any other day of the week.

Toni had finally declared her major this year as Family Social Science, she liked the idea of being able to work with kids and families that were in situations like she was growing up. 

“Eggs?” Shelby asked opening the fridge.

“Yes please.” Toni said as she came up behind her to reach around her to grab the cream for Shelby’s coffee. Toni took hers black.

She teased Shelby for the amount of cream and sugar she took in her coffee that it didn’t matter that Toni used the French press because how she couldn’t even taste the coffee anyway.

A Taylor Swift song played somewhere in the apartment.

“Babe can you go grab my phone? It’s on the charger in the bathroom.” Shelby asked as she cracked the eggs in the pan. She had really become a pretty good cook and Toni loved watching her watch her cooking shows and you tube videos. Her latest cooking achievement was learning how to crack eggs with one hand from Jet Tila on the Food Network Kitchen app, Toni had bought Shelby a year long subscription to the app for her recent 20th birthday. She chuckled to herself realizing that was probably why Shelby wanted to make them eggs this morning.

She grabbed Shelby’s phone and her heart skipped a beat when she saw that it was their lawyer.

Was this just a check in call or was this THE call.

Was it all over?

Was this the call that would change their lives?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no idea how much to make the settlement, so go with me here people! 
> 
> I figured even if Nora did not make it off the island, her family would get her portion. 
> 
> Thanks for all the sweet feedback!

Shelby sat in the conference room of their attorney’s office, Toni’s hand nervously drumming on her thigh, she put her hand on top to quell it and their fingers comfortably intertwined. After yesterday’s phone call telling them that there was a settlement proposed and they were the last two that needed to talk the offer over with their lawyers and agree.

All the other girls had said they had been told they couldn’t discuss it until everyone had agreed with lawyers so they couldn’t tell them how much but that it was a lot.

Shelby felt her heart beating out of her chest. Like a lot meaning they could quit working while they were in school, or a lot like they could quit school and never have to work for the rest of their lives? She dreamed of lazing away on a beach somewhere in Europe laying next to Toni. Her skin glistening and sun kissed, with a tiny bikini on (a girl could dream), her freckles more pronounced. One might think she might never want to be on a beach again after their ordeal. Not Shelby, she couldn’t wait to be on a beach under her own accord, with a drink with an umbrella and a big soft fancy bed in a hotel right off the beach waiting for them. 

Their problems of never finding enough time might be gone in an instant this morning. If the number was as big as her friends had insinuated her and Toni might have all the time in the world for each other. 

Shelby was snatched off the beach and back to reality by Thomas, the head of their legal team clearing his throat.

“Ms. Goodkind, Ms. Shalifoe, we have been honored to represent you and Ms. Blackburn through these proceedings.” The Unsinkable had chosen 3 different legal teams based on where they were geographically. “However, due to the individual and sensitive nature of each of your situations, we recommend moving forward, if you are to agree to the settlement, that you obtain separate legal counsel to protect yourselves.” That’s why the Blackburns weren’t here. What did he mean?

Luckily Toni could read her mind and wasn’t afraid to question. “Sensitive nature? What the fuck that does mean. Shelby and I are fine having the same lawyer, right Shel?” Toni looked to Shelby for validation and she nodded. They lived together, was he insinuating they needed to protect themselves from each other?

“Ms. Shalifoe, we believe due to your um..” Thomas started to explain, it was obvious to Shelby he was struggling to find the right word and there were beads of sweat forming at his hairline. “Your unconventional upbringing, you are particularly vulnerable if you were to accept the current settlement amount.” Thomas continued. It finally dawned on Shelby what Thomas was trying to say, they were worried that Toni’s mom would come out of the woodwork, or someone claiming to be Toni’s dad. This was not going to go over well. She tightened her grip on Toni’s hand and she watched it dawn on Toni as well.

“You think the foster kid who has never had a dime to her name won’t be able to handle her money and is going to blow through all of mine, so Shelby needs to be protected from me, because I’m a fucking screw up that’s never mattered to anyone. Go ahead, Shelby, they are all yours, I don’t need a lawyer “ Toni spat as she pulled her hand away from Shelby and stormed out of the room. Oh was that what they were insinuating? Maybe a little bit of both?

Shelby was sure Dave Goodkind would probably try to weasel his way back into her life as well. She would never let that happen. Toni wouldn't either, right? Toni hadn't heard a word from mom since months before they were even in the plane crash. If she was going to try to contact her, wouldn't she have done it when Toni was first all over the news? What kind of person would know what their daughter had been through and not reach out to contact her if she was able. 

Shelby smiled nervously, she had to smooth this over, was that what they were scared of? She knew Toni, wouldn’t do that but she also knew that it was a good idea to have a lawyer involved if there was a good amount of money involved. “Thomas, can we make the decision about legal team after we review the settlement offer and decide if we are going to accept? I think she’s just overwhelmed.”

“Yes, of course Ms. Goodkind, if you are both comfortable with us representing you in the settlement decision. “ Thomas explained rubbing his forehead. Shelby nodded her thanks and got up to go find Toni. She saw her out the window leaning up against the building her head in her hands.

“Hey you.” Shelby said, sliding up next her and leaning down to try to look into her eyes.

“I’m sorry, I just. I hate this. Maybe they are right. Maybe you are better apart from me. Maybe..” Toni started.

“Stop, Toni, just stop. I don’t think that is what they meant. And even if it was, that’s bullshit and not how I think. I think we need to protect ourselves from other people not each other. But we don’t have to decide all that right now. Right now, let’s go back in there and finally find out how much money we are talking about babe.” Shelby interrupted and put her arm around Toni.

“You sure?” Toni asked leaning her head into Shelby’s shoulder.

“Of course, you and me against the world, that hasn’t changed. We are going to take all this as it comes.” Shelby said leaning in for a slow, soft kiss, holding Toni’s face in her hands. She then kissed her shoulder and took her hand leading the way back in.

The settled back into their seats and Shelby smiled as she felt Toni reach for her hand. “Thomas, give it to us, what’s the number.”

“200 Million.”

Shelby’s heart felt like it stopped as she did the math in her head, 200 Million divided by 8.

“Each.” Thomas finished. She put her hand over her mouth and looked over at Toni who was grinning ear to ear.

They could just pick up and leave and go wherever they wanted. Do whatever they wanted. She would see the world with Toni.

She was at the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, Sydney Opera House as she was signing the papers that they agreed to the settlement. They were throwing words at them, setting them up with finance managers. Now she was the one overwhelmed. In the blink of an eye, they went from struggling to go to school and pay their cell phone bills and rent on time, to having 400 million dollars between them.

“We want you to be prepared over the next few days as the settlement hits the media, as early as tomorrow. Are you two going to be using the same PR rep that you used for the media at the beginning, or are you considering someone local. We have some names. We also have some names of realtors if you choose to stay in the area.” Thomas said, handing them a packet.

So much to think about, so much to decide. Apparently having money was complicated. It wasn’t to Shelby. She had the woman she loved and now they had the freedom to do whatever they wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for comments! I hope you enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

“Another shot?” Fatin walked up to her at the edge of the dance floor handing her a shot of clear liquid. Fatin always went straight for the vodka. Toni clinked her glass with Fatin and threw it down her throat chasing it with the Miller Lite bottle in her hand. Fatin took her shot and then stared at Toni laughing.

“We can afford cases of the most expensive liquor in this bar, and you are still drinking bottled domestics. I guess when they say you can take the girl out of the trailer..” Fatin teased.

“Fuck off Fatin. Its what I like.” Toni said slinging an arm around Fatin’s shoulder. “Have you chosen this night’s lucky gentleman yet?”

They were all at a club in New York, down the street from the hotel where they had all spent the last two weeks since the money had been distributed. Turns out if you are hot and had enough money to spend nobody looked at their IDs or cared that none of them were over 21.

“There are some leading candidates, “ Fatin said jutting her chin toward a burly looking meathead by the bar, totally Fatin’s type. Toni nodded her approval.

Toni went back to watching Shelby dancing with Leah, Dot, Martha and Rachel. She loved just watching Shelby having fun, plus she looked amazing tonight in a new dress she had bought earlier while shopping with Fatin. Toni couldn’t help but lick her lips watching her dancing, the short dress hugging every curve. There was no denying that it was a beautiful dress but Toni was more thinking about how good it would look in a few hours on the floor of their hotel room.

These last two weeks had been the best two weeks of her life, all of them together, no families, no responsibilities, and not worried about where their next meal was coming from or if they would ever be rescued. The hotel suite her and Shelby had was nicer than any home Toni had ever lived or even been in. Last night her and Shelby had finally christened the extra large whirlpool tub. The hair on the back of her neck stood just thinking about it and she took another sip of her beer.

She hated that her and Shelby were going back to Minnesota in a few days. They had decided they were going to finish up their classes this semester and then not reenroll for the spring semester. Shelby, Fatin, Leah and Dot were busy planning their world tour. They were flying to Sydney, Australia for New Years and then were just going to see where the world took them from there. Toni couldn’t believe she was now one of the people she had given so much shit, she was now a fucking one percenter. She was about to head off on a trip with no return date without a care, the angry foster kid was about to see the world.

Martha and Rachel had decided not to go. Rachel was kicking ass in a pre-law program at Columbia and didn’t want to fall behind. Martha said she didn’t want to go because she would miss her family too much but Toni had a feeling that Martha just didn’t want to leave Edwin, her boyfriend of the last year and a half.

Toni had wanted to hate Edwin in the beginning, when Martha was talking about her Physical Therapist’s new grad assistant. She knew even going to physical therapy was hard for Martha given her last experience and she was so protective of Martha, that she didn’t think anyone was good enough for her. However, the first time they had gone out on a double date, Toni couldn’t help noticing how gentle he was with Marti and how he looked at her. He had grown on her and the four of them hung out frequently.

She noticed there were 2 guys dancing a little too close to her girls. She turned to Fatin and she realized Fatin had wandered back to the bar to chat up her top prospect. She chugged the end of her beer, put it down on a nearby table and made her way onto the dance floor. She approached the group and shimmied her slim hips in between Shelby and the one guy who had inched too close, putting one hand protectively on Shelby’s hip.

“Yo, we were vibing, back off, dyke.” The guy spat trying to get back behind Shelby now. Dot, Leah and Martha stopped dancing and encircled Shelby, with Dot coming up and putting a hand on Toni’s shoulder. Toni’s mind flashed to a similar incident years ago, different girl, same type of assholes. However, Dot’s hand on her shoulder kept her grounded in this moment. She took a deep breath, pushing the past away.

“You guys should get going, we are good here.” Dot said with what Toni called her drug dealer sneer. She liked to imagine that was the face she used to scare customers into paying up. The guy started to step toward Dot but was a stopped by a clap on the shoulder from Fatin’s catch of the day.

“I would think twice buddy, I think your friends are looking for ya,” he said, the other arm slung around Fatin. The douche bag looked around and decided it wasn’t worth it. Toni fist bumped the guy and turned back toward the other girls.

The song Levitating started playing. “OOO I love this song,” Shelby shrieked, grabbing Toni’s hand and pulling her deeper onto the dance floor, Toni looked back to Dot to help her and Dot just laughed. Toni put up a protest for show but the reality was she was just buzzed that she didn’t fucking care who might be staring when she put her hands on Shelby’s hips and pulled her in close. She leaned in, “Have I told you absolutely stunning you look tonight?” she whispered.

Shelby blushed, “Once or twice. Keep it up and you might just get lucky tonight,” Shelby whispered back before turning around and back her ass into Toni. She couldn’t help letting out a contented mmm. Shelby might have been raised a church girl but she had rhythm and she could move. They spent the next two hours getting lost in each other and the music until they turned the lights on.

They piled out of the club sweaty, buzzed, and exhausted. Shelby was leaning heavily on Toni as they walked, Toni’s arm slung around her waist helping hold her up. She loved her like this, completely care free, cussing like a sailor, the polar opposite of the uptight girl on the plane. Toni leaned in and whispered, “I love you,” and kissed right beneath her ear. Shelby cuddled in closer and slightly slurred, “I love you!”

The decision Toni had made earlier that week was solidified in that moment, she was going to ask Shelby to marry her, she just had an errand to run tomorrow morning with Fatin. They had an appointment at some fancy schmancy jeweler. She had no idea what she was getting into, she knew that and as much as she tried to avoid shopping trips with Fatin, she knew she would be the best to help her find something Shelby would love. She just hoped Shelby wanted to spend the rest of her life with her as much as she wanted forever with Shelby.


	4. Chapter 4

Shelby caught herself just looking at Toni, she had her legs hugged up against her on the chair, her comfort position that Shelby watched her contort into all the time on the island and the years since. She had her pencil in her mouth, her face scrunched in concentration as she stared at her textbook. She found herself counting the freckles on her face that she loved so much, it was one of Shelby’s favorite procrastination methods.

Toni looked up from her book, catching her staring. She smiled one of her super attractive mischievous smiles, “You know babe, the faster we get this work done, the faster we get dinner, and the faster we get to chill. I think you have been on that page for the last 20 minutes.” Toni chastised playfully.

“Ugh I know, why did we decide to finish out this semester again? It’s super hard to care at all about “Crafting the Art of a Performance,” when this time next month we will be on a beach in Australia, not worrying about finishing our homework.” Shelby pouted.

“I know but we were trying to be responsible, remember,” Toni countered, pointing at her lips.

Shelby leaned in and kissed her gently. Asking for kisses was one of her favorite habits of Toni’s, she always seemed to ask when Shelby needed a kiss as well. She knew Toni was right but finishing these last few weeks of class had been harder than she thought it would be.

The two weeks they had spent in New York had given them a taste of what their life could be like now, coming back to being college kids in their tiny apartment just seemed like a step backward. She was ready to step into their future, a future that involved traveling the world with her best friends and the woman she loved.

Toni’s phone buzzed on the table and she unfolded herself to reach for it. “Hey Mama B, what’s up.” Shelby loved how close Toni was with Martha’s whole family, how close she had become to them as well over the last few years. They had made moving away from her mom and siblings just a little easier because she could always go over to the Blackburns for a home cooked meal and some sibling rivalry.

“What? She’s there?” Toni gasped in the phone. Something was wrong. Toni looked like she saw a ghost. Who was the “she” was talking about? Shelby started getting nervous trying to decipher what seemed like a lot of emotions moving across her girlfriend’s face. “No thanks for calling, I am on my way over.”

Shelby stood up and wrapped her arms around Toni’s shoulders, whoever it was at Mrs. Blackburn’s house, she knew Toni could use some comfort. “You okay honey?”

“Um. I don’t fucking know.” Toni put her head in her hands.

“It’s my mom. She’s at the Blackburns. Apparently, she’s sober, wants to make amends as part of her Narcotics Anonymous steps.” Toni explained. Shelby's couldn't help but gasp. Her mom? 

“Oh, my goodness, wow, that is a lot.” Shelby said. She couldn’t help but see Thomas’s face and the warning he gave about people coming out of the woodwork once the settlement became national news. Could it really just be a coincidence that her mom was seeking her out for atonement now, right after her daughter became a multi-millionaire? Shelby knew it was not the time to bring it up and she didn’t know how to express her concerns without hurting Toni’s feelings.

“I am going to go see her.” Toni said as she got up and walked absent mindedly to the bedroom. Shelby’s heart pulled for her; she knew she was overwhelmed but she honestly didn’t know how to help. Should she offer to go with her to the Blackburns? Was it better to let her go and see her mom again alone? Shelby went to the door of their room, leaning up against the door jam, “T, do you want me to go with you?”

Toni sat on the bed a minute, “Yeah I think so. Is that okay?” Toni asked looking at Shelby with an adorably needy look. Shelby could see the 12-year-old Toni that was left in the house alone while her mom was who knows where doing who knows what reflected in her face. She saw the 14-year-old who just wanted her mom to get out of rehab and come get her from her first foster home. All that pain was mixed with the hope of a little girl who just wanted her mom to love her.

Shelby had offered to drive when Toni had gotten frustrated trying to lock the apartment door. She was so nervous, understandably so, that she was in no condition to drive. As Shelby made the quick familiar drive to the Blackburns, Toni’s knees were bouncing so hard, Shelby was almost afraid she would bounce out of the car. 

“Thanks for being here Shelby.” Toni said as they pulled up to the Blackburns. As they were walking up to the house, Shelby noticed an unfamiliar beat-up car was parked outside and a bad feeling settled on Shelby as she saw the inside of the car was a wreck and looked like someone had been living in it.

She did not have a good feeling about this but the one thing she knew was she loved this woman and would do whatever she could to protect her, even if it was from her own mother.


	5. Chapter 5

Toni stood on the porch to the Blackburns house, she wasn’t ready to knock. She didn’t ever actually knock when she came, she usually just waltzed right in like she belonged. Because she did, no matter what was about to happen, she had chosen her family. She might be a fuck up that didn’t get a whole lot right but she knew she had gotten this right. The Blackburns and The Unsinkables, they were her people and they were good people.

Scenes from her childhood had been playing through her head since Marti’s mom had said the words, “Christina is here, your mother, she is here looking for you.” Figured that would be where her mom would start looking for her, Toni had crashed at the Blackburns more nights than she could count when her mom would lock her out of the house and not be aware enough to open the door for her. 

The problem with the scenes in her head is that they weren’t all bad. There were birthdays and days her mom would take her out of school for no reason. As she got older, the good memories decreased but there were still moments. Slivers of time when Christina was still her mom and not just a drug addict that she sometimes had to share space with. The last good moments were when she was 15 when her mom gave her the jacket she had on, it was right before she went into rehab and the last time she had seen her mom.

Toni had been called down to the Principal’s office during 3rd period English class. She tried to think if she had cursed out any teachers out that week or hit anyone that they could have found out about. When she turned down the hallway, she heard her mom’s laugh, high pitched and tinny before she could see her. She opened the door cautiously, she had been confused but pleasantly surprised to see that her mom was more cognizant than she had been in months, hair damp but visibly cleaner than the last time she had seen her 3 days before, clean clothes on.

Christina had looked so tiny and vulnerable standing there next to Principal Malcolm and the woman Toni would soon learn was the social worker from the State of Minnesota. Toni still remembered the strong urge to had felt to wrap her mom in her arms and protect from all the bad in her life, even though a lot of the bad had come into their lives from her mom’s own choices. Her mom had smiled a sad, sweet smile when Toni had walked into the office. “Hey sweet girl,” Christina had said reaching out for her hands and Toni cringed a little remembering her folding her arms and denying her mom that act of intimacy.

Her mom went onto explain that she was going to get help. Toni had been through this song and dance with her too many times before, she rolled her eyes when her mom had pleased that this was going to be the time that it worked. She promised that this time, this time she really was ready to do the work she needed to do get back to her.

Toni had been embarrassed that this was happening out in the middle of the front office, she had looked around to see if there were any students milling around to witness her fucked up home life on full display. Christina explained that the social worker and Mr. Malcolm had agreed to let her take Toni out of school for a few hours before she went to check herself into the latest and greatest rehab facility.

When it had been just the two of them in her mom’s old beater heading out to the lake, listening to her mom’s old 90s Hip Hop CDs, Toni’s anger had ebbed despite herself. They had stopped for snacks, Takis and Orange Gatorade for Toni, Cool Ranch Doritos and a Diet Coke for her mom. They sat on a dilapidated picnic table that was less than sturdy and ate their snacks in silence, just watching the water. It had been early spring, a few weeks before her 16th birthday and Toni had shivered as a cold Minnesota breeze had come in off the lake. That’s when her mom had taken off the jacket she was wearing and had wrapped it around her. She had tried to protest and her mom had said, “I won’t need it while I’m gone, take care of it for me until I come back and get it. Except she never came back.

That was four and a half years ago, a lifetime really. Toni hadn’t known if she had been dead or alive, clean or still a slave to her drug habit. Why hadn’t she reached out to find her before now. She had so many questions but there was the tugging of her heart too of just wanting to see her mom.

Shelby took her hand and squeezed it. She was so glad to have her here supporting her. Feeling Shelby’s long soft fingers intertwined with hers gave her the nudge to finally knock on the door, she felt as if her heart was beating as loudly as the knock. Mrs. Blackburn’s kind face appeared as she opened the door, she hugged Toni tight, “Whatever you need, I’m right here. This is on your terms. ” Mrs. Blackburn whispered into her ear as she let the hug linger a moment longer. Toni nodded her understanding and followed her into the Blackburns cozy living room.

Her breath caught as she saw her, she was so skinny and she didn’t look much older than Toni. She was reminded that her mom had been the same age when she had given birth to Toni that Toni was now.

“My sweet girl.” Christina said, standing up. She was wearing a shirt that was way too big for her small frame and jeans she had to hold up when she stood. Toni could see her hip bone protruding as she tugged her jeans back up. She reached her hands out to her again. She still couldn’t do it.

“You’re clean? How long this time?” Toni asked, her arms crossing reflexively as her eyes went immediately to her mom’s arms looking for fresh track marks.

“90 days, I have my chip,” Christina said her thin hand reaching into her jeans pocket.

“3 months, that’s good mom.” Toni said. She noticed that small acknowledgement made her mom smile.

“I feel good. I really do. Here come sit my sweet girl,” she said as she sat down and patted the couch next to her.

“Mom, I want you to meet someone.” Toni said not moving from the spot where she was standing. She gestured to Shelby, “This is my girlfriend, Shelby.” She desperately wanted to say fiancé but she hadn’t found the perfect time to ask yet so girlfriend it was, for now.

Her mom awkwardly stood up and smiled and held her hand out to Shelby. She was trying so hard, even Toni could see that. Shelby quickly walked up and hugged her, “I’m a hugger, nice to meet you!” Toni rolled her eyes; Shelby was a hugger that’s for sure.

“I’m going to go make us something to drink with Mrs. B, coffee babe?” Shelby asked and Toni nodded, reaching out to softly graze her hand as she walked past her. Shelby smiled at her at the simple touch. Leave to Shelby and Mama B to have a plan to give them some time. “Mrs. Shalifoe, what can I get you?”

“Oh just call me Christina, coffee is fine, thank you.” Her mom answered, looking expectantly at Toni.

“Cream or sugar?” Shelby asked, she really was the perfect hostess Toni thought to herself.

“No thank you, just black.” Christina said.

Shelby smiled, “I should have guessed, like mother like daughter she said with a smile raising one shoulder as she turned toward the kitchen.

Toni took a deep breath, she didn’t know where to start, she still had so many questions.

“My sweet girl, all grown up. Shelby seems lovely.” Christina said patting the couch one more time to try and entice Toni to sit.

Toni finally did sit, but on the armchair, folding herself in, tucking her legs under her.

“Still have these chicken legs that you are always folding in one direction, you always were contorting yourself into positions that didn’t look like they could possibly be comfortable.” Her mom said with a wistful smile.

Toni tried to force a smile back as she mindlessly caressed her elbow. She looked around the living room, anything not to look directly at her mom.

“Martha’s mom says you are in college. That is great.” Christina said, obviously grasping at straws to make conversation.

“Mom, what are you doing here?” Toni said, making eye contact, seeing her own brown eyes reflected back to her.

“I wanted to see my girl. I wanted to apologize.” Christina said.

“Mom, it’s been over four years, a lot has changed.” Toni said, thinking to herself that was the understatement of the year.

“I see that, you aren’t a little girl anymore, but you will always be my sweet girl, even now that you have grown into a beautiful young woman.” Christina answered reaching for Toni’s hand again this time.

“Why now? Why not 4 years ago?” Toni asked, more emotion creeping into her voice than she had wanted.

Christina shook her head before answering, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes, so many. But I want to make it up to you, I want to be in your life, if you’ll have me, I want to get to know who you are now.”

“Do you live nearby?” Toni asked, her guard slowly going down.

“Well,” Christina said, rubbing her arm, Toni recognizing the gesture as her own, “I’m kind of in between places right now. I was living with this guy, Johnny, but he wasn’t ready to get clean so I had to get out of there. I’ve been living in Betsy for a few months.”

“Betsy?” Toni asked.

“My Buick out front. But its okay, Betsy and I are doing okay.” Christina said.

“Jesus mom, you’re living in your fucking car?” Toni said louder than intended and she immediately regretted the harsh tone as she saw the wounded look on her mom’s face.

Her raising her voice must have been the cue Shelby and Mama B had been waiting for, they came in holding mugs and Mama B had a plate of cookies as well. Shelby handed her coffee to her their hands lightly brushing, her sly way of checking in, as she propped herself up on the side of the chair. Toni was grateful for her closeness.

“Shelby, what brings you to Minnesota, that accent doesn’t sound like you grew up here.” Christina asked, she was probably as grateful as Toni was for a reprieve from their strained attempts at conversation.

Shelby was a pro at small talk and she was charming as always as her and Christina went back and forth. Toni didn’t even hear anything they were saying, she just kept running what her mom had said over and over again in her head. She was living in her car. For months. In Winter. In Minnesota.

Here Toni was sitting on more money than she could even fathom and the person who brought her into the world was living in a fucking car.

What kind of person would she be if she continued to let that happen?

Sure, she was still angry and hurt by her mom, that didn’t just go away but neither did the fact that she was still her mom. And she was clean for 3 months. That was good. Toni and Shelby could help her get back on her feet.

Maybe Shelby was right, maybe things happened for a reason. She had been searching for a why, an answer as to why they had been given all this money. This was a why, something good she could do with the money.

“Mom, you’re going to stay with us for a while.” Toni blurted out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone knew if Toni's mom's name is noted anywhere? 
> 
> Thanks for the sweet comments, keep em coming! 
> 
> This about to get angsty af....


	6. Chapter 6

They said that you should never go to bed angry, but if Shelby was being honest, she had gone to be angry and even in the light of a new day, she was still angry.

Shelby was still so hurt by the way Toni had made a major decision about their life without her. She didn’t even think to run it by Shelby. Give Shelby a heads up before she invited her mother into their lives, into their home.

Shelby had smiled her way through dinner at Olive Garden, through the Walmart trip, “to grab a few things mom needs,” that had ended up as them purchasing two overflowing carts. It wasn’t about the money, obviously, they were in a position now that no Walmart trip would make a dent. It was the lack of communication. She had tried to be understanding, she knew her mom coming back into her life suddenly was a lot, but it wasn’t just a lot for Toni. It was a lot for Shelby too. This wasn’t just affecting Toni’s life; it was affecting their life together.

When Shelby had carefully tried to express that last night, it had blown up into their first real fight. It had been so long since the fury that burned beneath her girlfriend’s surface had been focused squarely on her. Toni screamed out her that she just didn’t understand. That it was her mother, “for fuck’s sake.”

Shelby had never suggested that they shouldn’t have helped Christina, just that she had wished they had talked about it. They should have talked together to decide the best way to help. She tried to bring the temperature of the argument and explain that. Nothing she had tried to say seemed to get through to Toni. It was like a flip had switched in Toni and she wasn’t listening to Shelby at all.

Shelby cautiously turned over towards Toni’s side of the bed, not ready to continue the fight this early. Her caution was unnecessary, Toni wasn’t even there. It didn’t look like she had slept in their bed at all. When Shelby had finally laid down, trying to hide the tears that had refused to stop falling, Toni had been out in the living room helping her mom “settle in.”

Had Toni not even come in to check on her? Why was she so angry with Shelby, all Shelby had been trying to say was that they should make decisions together? Was she missing something? Had she said or done something wrong that she didn’t realize? Shelby slowly sat up in bed trying not to replay the fight over and over again in her head.

She felt the tears starting to well up behind her eyes again just thinking about the bite Toni’s voice had in last night, and the darkness in the brown eyes where she typically found such love and comfort. They were typically the eyes that centered her and made her feel safe, no matter the circumstance.

Last night it had been like looking into a stranger’s eyes, they had been hardened and darkened by anger. It would be easier, she thought, if she understood what she had done wrong to deserve such a fierce anger directed at her.

Shelby’s alarm buzzed on her phone. Of course. Wednesdays were her longest day of classes, and with finals starting next week, today was fixing to be a long rough day. She had barely been able to finish her homework last night with all the noise. Toni and her mom had been loudly playing different songs and laughing together. She was glad they had warmed up to each other, she really was. She was glad that they were getting along and having fun. Seeing Toni smile had brought a smile to her own face.

She just couldn’t help feeling so left out. Toni knew she had a lot of work to finish but never offered to go outside or at least turn the music down. To be honest, Toni had barely said a word to her all night, it was as if she suddenly didn’t exist in her own apartment.

Shelby was as quiet as she could be as she showered and got ready to leave, she walked out of the bedroom and into a disaster. The rest of the apartment looked like a hurricane had torn thrown. There were Walmart bags and snack food trash scattered everywhere. Where had that Pizza box even come from?

Shelby picked her way to the kitchen, grabbed a yogurt and was headed to the door. She glanced at the living room and her heart softened, Toni was curled up on the recliner in one of her typical comfort poses, the girl really could get comfortable anywhere.

Shelby didn’t want to just leave things like they had been. She walked over and kissed Toni softly on her forehead. Toni wakened slightly with a smile. “I love you, have a good day.” She murmured in her sleepy slur.

“I love you too,” Shelby said as turned to go.

She did love her and she reminded that this was a temporary situation, and luckily for her there was an end in sight. In three weeks, they would have to say goodbye Christina and board their plane to Sydney and for Shelby it could not come soon enough.


	7. Chapter 7

Toni shivered in the cold as she carried another pile of trash from her mom’s car to the trash can at the car wash. Offering to help her mom clean out Betsy was a bigger job than she had imagined. Not that Toni minded, anything to be out of their apartment for a little bit. Things between her and Shelby had been tense since Christina had moved in. Shelby just didn’t seem to understand that Toni owed to her mom to take her in and do whatever she could to help her.

Not that she blamed her, people didn’t know what they had gone through. It had only ever been Christina and Toni. She couldn’t abandon her now when she was trying so hard to get her life on track. Toni had been so used to defending her mom against anyone and everyone who had something to say about her. She had gotten into plenty of fights in middle school with people having something to say about her mom and her “extracurricular activities.” It was a small town and parents talked in front of their kids.

Shelby grew up with two parents in a pretty house with a fucking white picket fence. She didn’t get what it was like for Toni and Christina, just the two of them trying to survive. She knew her mom had sacrificed a lot for Toni and now she was in a position to help.

Shelby didn’t want her to tell Christina how much they could actually help though. She thought it would be better to not tell her about the settlement. Toni reluctantly agreed, hoping that Christina would prove to Shelby she was trustworthy and then they could tell her together. That was a week ago and things had not gone as Toni had hoped. She loved her mom and she loved Shelby so she had assumed they would love each other.

Unfortunately, it didn’t appear to be working out that way. Neither one of them had admitted it her per say but she could tell they weren’t exactly fond of each other. It wasn’t explicit but it came out in little digs that they both said to Toni. Shelby had commented how at home Christina was making herself more than once and her mom had slipped in how uptight Shelby was and had asked if she ever let loose.

“Are you excited for Christmas next week? Christina asked as she unloaded more trash.

Christmas. Fuck. Between Christina coming in and finals and papers, Toni had completely forgotten about Christmas. Her and Shelby were supposed to go to Houston next week, where her mom had moved with her younger siblings, to spend Christmas with them for a few days before leaving on their trip. 

She had been looking forward to getting to spoil Shelby’s siblings and her mom, they were even going to get gifts for her mom’s new boyfriend. That wasn’t the thing she had been looking forward to most about Houston though, not even close. She thought of the diamond hiding in the back of her sock drawer. Her plan had been to propose to Shelby in Houston, in her home state.

Now she was all turned around. She couldn’t just leave her mom here by herself. It had been so long since she had been able to spend a holiday with her mom. Their history of holidays wasn’t great. This year could be different, they could create a nice holiday memory. Did she have to choose though? Her mom or the woman she wanted to marry? She couldn’t imagine bringing her mom with them to Texas.

It was all just too much to think about Toni thought to herself as she shoved the trash she was holding into the trashcan harder than she meant to.

“Did I say something wrong?” Her mom asked, staring at her concerned.

“Nah, I had just kind of forgotten about Christmas.” Toni said shoving her hands into her coat. She had to make a decision that she had been putting off for days. They had booked their flight to Sydney from Houston.

She was just getting to know her mom again. She wasn’t ready to give up on that yet. However, she knew how much Shelby had been looking forward to both Christmas and their world tour. It was one of the toughest decisions she had ever had to make, but she honestly didn’t even feel like she had a choice. She knew what she had to.

Toni and Christina were sitting on the couch when Shelby came in from the gym. “Look what came in the mail!!” Shelby said excitedly as she came in the door. “Our passports. We are all set! We have so much we need to do.” Shelby said setting the mail on the table looking toward Toni expectantly.

Toni bit her bottom lip; this was not going to be an easy conversation. It was made even harder by how excited Shelby was in this moment.

“Shel, can you come in the bedroom with me?” Toni said standing up. She needed to just bite the bullet and get it over with.

Shelby gave her a confused look but followed her into the bedroom and closed the door.

“Why do I feel like this is going to be bad.” Shelby said sitting on the bed, playing with her cross like she always did when she was nervous.

“Shel, I never expected my mom to come back.” Toni started rubbing her fingers together trying to calm her nerves. 

“I know. It’s a shocker. I am glad she is doing good though.” Shelby responded. Toni could tell her eyes were searching Toni’s for what was about to come next.

“She has nothing. I just don’t think it’s the right time for me to leave her.” Toni said sitting on the bed next to Shelby. It felt like a stab in her heart to see Shelby’s face fall and her bottom lip start to quiver. Fuck. She didn’t think she could handle her crying right now.

“What are you saying?” Shelby asked, her voice tight.

“I’m going to stay here for Christmas with my mom. And I’m not going to Sydney right now. But I think you should go to both.”

“What? But we planned this trip together. And I don’t know when I would come back?” Shelby asked a single tear escaping down her right cheek.

“It’s just a really bad time. I’m going to try to help my mom get on her feet, get a job. And I can meet you guys wherever you are. I just need a little more time with her.” Toni tried to explain. It was killing her that she knew she was hurting Shelby. She couldn’t just leave her mom when she needed her.

“Ever since I moved to Minnesota, I have seen you every single day. Now you are just telling me to take off around the world without you. What does that mean … for us?” Shelby asked. Toni could tell she was trying really hard to stop more tears from falling. All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around Shelby and tell her never mind, she would go they would make it work.

She couldn’t do that though. It was her mom and she was just getting her back.

“Well maybe we should look at it as a little space, a little break.” Toni didn’t want to take a break but she also didn’t want to Shelby to give up on her trip around the world for her, and if them being on a break would make her go on the trip then she was willing to do that.

“A break?” Shelby’s voice shook as more tears fell.

“Just for a little while until I can figure things out with my mom.” Toni said finally giving in and going in for a hug, but Shelby shrugged her off.

“I need some time to think. Could you give me a minute please?” Shelby said.

Toni didn’t know what she could do to make it better, she wished Shelby had understood that it was an impossible choice for her.

She just hoped she wasn’t making a huge mistake and losing the best thing that had ever happened to her.


	8. Chapter 8

Shelby had to pull herself together. She grabbed her phone out of her pocket and texted Martha. Her hands were shaking, she knew she just had to get out of here for the night. She couldn’t just stay here for the next week knowing what was about to happen.

She didn’t want to be around Toni and her mother. Why couldn’t Toni see what she was doing? Toni had been slowly pushing her away since the day Christina came back into her life.

And now a break. Shelby honestly didn’t know what to think. The reality is if Toni had asked her to stay, she would have. She didn’t. That was the part that hurt the most.

She remembered all the years she had defended her father. She winced remembering how she treated Becca. She knew how strong and literally choking that familial tie was and she knew no one could have told her anything different at the time. She didn’t know how to help Toni see the situation more clearly, it had taken a plane crash, being stranded on an island with a challenging dark-haired beauty, and her father making a huge, public mistake for Shelby herself to break those ties.

She took two deep breaths and checked her phone. Of course, Martha was fine with her spending the night. She grabbed some things, not even paying attention to what bag she had grabbed from the closet. She would figure out tomorrow what her next move was, for now she just needed to get out of the apartment whose walls had suddenly begun to feel like they were closing in around her.

She walked out into the living room with the duffel bag over her shoulder and her favorite pillow under her arm.

“Shel, babe, where are you going?” Toni asked.

“I’m going to Martha’s for the night.” Shelby replied.

“Why? Shelby, it doesn’t have to be like this.” Toni pleaded.

“You asked for this. You wanted space; I’m giving you space.” Shelby said, her voice sounded stronger than she felt.

“Shelby, don’t do this. Stay.” Toni said and Shelby couldn’t help but notice how her voice shook. She felt her resolve melting at the desperation she saw in Toni’s beautiful brown eyes.

No, she shook that thought away, Toni had made her choice, Shelby had to at least move forward on her own terms.

“You made this decision. I am just giving you what you asked for.” Shelby said as she got to the door.

“Shelby, please.” Toni said, she may have said more but Shelby didn’t hear it. She was out the door of their apartment and down the stairs of their building. She got to her car and realized she had been holding her breath.

She looked down at the bag she had thrown in the passenger seat, a fresh wave of tears fell down her face as she realized she had grabbed Toni’s old Woodbridge Academy Basketball bag. She thought back to all the games she watched from the sidelines, bursting with pride that the best player on the court was hers. How simple everything had seemed when they were still in high school. Their biggest concern their senior year was sneaking Toni into her dorm as often as possible. They had talked and dreamed about when they would finally be able to live together. She never thought she would be voluntarily leaving an apartment she shared with Toni.

The next few days were a blur of preparations and avoiding Toni and Christina. Trying to time when she went back to the apartment to be when she knew they weren’t there. Martha was her reluctant accomplice, keeping tabs on Toni so Shelby would know when she was safe to go back. Poor Martha. Shelby hated putting her in the middle of her two best friends. Martha had given up trying to convince Shelby to answer Toni's texts and calls. 

She successfully managed to pack for both Houston and Sydney without seeing them. She went back to the apartment one last time before she went to the airport for Houston to drop her car off and grab a few last-minute things.

She was just about to head out when Toni and Christina came in the door laughing carrying bags and bags of what looked like Christmas decorations. Her heart sank, She had been looking forward to decorating with Toni and having their own little Christmas before going to Houston and celebrating again with her family. 

Good to know that Toni was struggling as much as she was, ha. She had been miserable the last few days, second guessing herself every time she ignored a phone call or text from Toni. Obviously, they had all been lies as she was clearly not broken up about their break. 

“Shelby.” Toni said as she saw her standing in the living room.

“Sorry, I was just grabbing some things, I’ll be out of your hair, I’m on my way to the airport.” Shelby said, making her way to the door.

Toni stepped in front of her. “Already? I thought you weren’t going to Houston until next week.” Toni asked, biting her lower lip like she always did when she was nervous.

“I moved it up, to spend some more time with my family before I leave since who knows when I’ll be back.” Shelby said.

"You haven't been answering my texts and calls. This isn't what I wanted." Toni pleaded. 

"You asked for space Toni, this is your space." Shelby said fighting to keep her resolve. 

“Shelby, can we talk before you go? We could go grab some coffee?” Toni said pulling her long arms around herself and rubbing her elbow. Shelby hated how she knew every gesture and move of Toni’s before she even made it.

Maybe she should hear her out, have some coffee, leave things on at least a little better terms. Shelby's phone buzzed in her hand, making her decision for her. 

“Sorry, my Lyft is here. I don’t want to miss my flight. Merry Christmas.” Shelby said, not being able to hide the bite in her last few words.


	9. Chapter 9

Christmas Eve. Regret tinged in Toni’s head as she watched her mom just laying on the couch watching TV. Tonight, was the night she had planned to propose to Shelby. She grabbed her phone and went back to her newest favorite hobby, stalking Shelby’s Insta stories.

From what she had gathered Dot had met her in Houston for some reason. It looked like they were really living it up. They had posted stories at a Christmas Village, some Christmas lights, took a Segway tour, and took a Haunted Houston tour, Dot’s idea she was sure. She couldn’t help being a little jealous of all the fun they had been having.

Toni had realized in the 2 weeks or so that Shelby had been gone that she relied on Shelby for their social life, even with her friends from her old group home. Toni hadn’t seen any of her friends since Shelby had left, to be honest, she hadn’t really been doing much of anything.

They had bought some decorations for Christmas but never had gotten around to decorating, they were still sitting in the bags. The apartment was a disaster zone. They had been getting takeout for pretty much every meal and the trash was all over the apartment. She had stopped making Christina go outside to smoke so the apartment smelled like stale cigarette smoke. It was reminiscent of all the places they had lived during Toni’s childhood. She had forgotten how much her childhood had been filled with dirty, messy environments and cigarette smoke.

Her mom hadn’t done much of anything either. She had tried to talk to her about what kind of job she would be interested in, and she didn’t really seem interested in any of the opportunities Toni had found on a local online job board. It had been weeks and she hadn’t put in a single application. At first, she thought maybe she wanted to spend time with Toni and wasn’t ready to start working right away.

As time went on Toni began to realize it maybe that Christina just didn’t want to work. She hadn’t ended up telling her mom about the settlement, something in her told her it was not a good idea. Her mom had to realize they had some money because Toni had paid for every single thing since Christina had arrived.

Shelby was probably really glad that their lawyers and financial advisors had convinced them to put the bulk of each of their settlements in separate accounts. They had agreed but she had planned for them to obviously combine their assets when they got married. If they ever even got married now. She had had such tunnel vision trying to help her mom that she had pushed Shelby away.

She looked over to her mom lounging on the couch, smoking a cigarette, her eyes glazed over watching TV. What she really even done to help her the last few weeks? She still didn’t have a job or anyway to support herself. She didn’t have a place to live. She couldn’t just stay here with Toni and Shelby forever. Even thinking about Shelby coming back to this apartment in its current state was embarrassing for Toni. It was scary how quickly she had fallen into old habits once her mom came back. Toni would be willing to get her an apartment but she had wanted her to at least have a job.

“Hey mom, want do you want to do for Christmas Eve tonight? Maybe get something special to cook? Make ourselves a nice dinner?” Toni asked hopefully. She put her phone down, forcing herself to stop constantly refreshing Shelby’s story.

“Do you cook now?” Christina asked, whatever she was watching must have been fascinating because she couldn’t even manage to take her eyes off of it to glance at Toni.

Toni allowed herself to think about what delicious meal Shelby would have whipped up from recipes she got off her Food Network app. The truth was Toni was really good at helping Shelby cook but didn’t know how to do much on her own in the kitchen. She doesn’t know why she thought her mom would cook. She hadn’t cooked at all since she had been here and Toni couldn’t remember her ever cooking for her as a kid.

She was so sick of eating take out and fucking fast food. She at least wanted some real food tonight for Christmas Eve, even if she was going to have to figure it out herself. She was sure the Blackburns were having a delicious celebration. She hadn’t really been talking to Marti much the last few weeks.

At first because she was mad that Shelby had gone to Marti’s and then because she didn’t want to admit to anyone that things with her mom were not like she had hoped they would be. Why was she so fucking stupid to think that all of a sudden thing with her mom would be peachy? Why? Just because she had said what said what Toni wanted to hear? She thought all of a sudden, her mom had been different than she had been her whole life?

She needed to get out of there for a minute, clear her head. “I’m going to run to the grocery store and get us something. I’ll be right back.”

The trip to the grocery store had been good for her, to get out of the smoky messy apartment where her old life had come crashing into the new life she had been building with Shelby.

She grabbed the rotisserie chicken, heat and serve mashed potatoes and some frozen vegetables she had bought into the house.

She knew something was off as soon as she walked in the door. Christina wasn’t on the couch she was quickly coming out of Toni and Shelby’s bedroom. “Just got cold and thought I would look for a sweatshirt, but I couldn’t find one.” Christina said unprompted. She looked nervous. What had she been up to?

“Oh alright, I’ll grab you one. Toni said, putting the food on the counter and going into her room. She couldn’t tell exactly what right away but something was amiss.

She went to get a sweatshirt out of the closet and noticed the papers on top of the desk right away. Their settlement papers. She knew that she had not left them out.

Fuck. What had made Christina rifle through their stuff. Had she been searching for something every time she had been left alone in the apartment? Toni needed a minute with this information. She sat down on the bed. Should she confront her mom? What would she even say? How would she explain why she didn’t tell her mom about the settlement?

She went to the desk again and looked through the papers to see exactly what Christina had seen. Thank goodness there was no account information or anything else, just the amount of money they had received.

What was Christina going to do with this information?

Toni scrolled Insta without even thinking, her heart sank at a picture of Shelby looking breathtaking in a dress she didn’t recognize in front of a beautiful church. She knew she missed her when she was even willing to go into a church just to be with her.

She wished she had Shelby to talk to about this. She would know what they should do. She always did. She didn’t even know if she was going to tell her about the papers, she just needed to hear from her. She was always able to remind her of what was important.

“Merry Christmas Eve.” She texted Shelby. Who knows if she would even respond? She hadn’t responded to any of her texts or calls.

She kept looking at her phone all night as they ate, watched It’s a Wonderful Life on TV.

Nothing.

She couldn’t even pretend that Shelby's phone was lost or dead because she continued to post Insta stories leading all the way up to Shelby, her family and Dot all in matching pajamas. So fucking lame.

Then why did everything in her wish she was curled up next to Shelby in fucking lame matching pajamas.

Toni woke up and immediately reached for her phone. Still no response from Shelby. Why had she asked for space? She hadn’t wanted space; she had just wanted to do what was right by her mom. Now she had managed to fuck everything up royally. It was Christmas Morning and instead of waking up next to her fiancé, assuming she had said yes of course, she was all alone.

She had decided not to confront Christina about going through the desk. She didn’t know what to say to her about it. She knew they would probably have to talk about it eventually. She tried to think about what Christina might do with the information. What was the worst that could happen?


	10. Chapter 10

Shelby opened her eyes and sat up looking out at their gorgeous view of the Lake Wakatipu in Queenstown, New Zealand. She looked at Fatin and Dot curled up on one side and Leah on her other. They had a suite but somehow all 4 girls always ended up in the same bed, not that she was complaining, she wasn’t good at sleeping alone anymore.

When she was in Houston with her family, she had trouble sleeping in the double bed her mom had got for her room in her new house. She kept half expecting to turn over and see Toni sleeping in some strange folded up position. That probably was because she was in her dreams every night, that hadn’t changed. Three weeks into the trip of a lifetime and the ache for Toni remained but the tears had stopped.

They had spent the first three weeks in Australia starting in Sydney then taking buses and trains all over the country. Drinking and debauchery ensuing throughout the country. The stuck to the coast mostly, soaking up the sun and sand, enjoying the Southern Hemisphere summer temperatures. It felt like the four of them were finally getting to live their beach vacation in paradise that they had been promised in Hawaii.

She slowly crawled out of the bottom of the bed without disturbing the other girls. She was normally the first to wake, well usually her and Dot. Shelby had discovered she had a bit of a party girl side and that she had a pretty strong tolerance. Last night had been their first night out since deciding to move on to New Zealand and they had gone hard. Well to be fair they had been going hard every night but why the hell not? They were young, hot, and rich with no responsibilities. The other three girls were single. Was she? She did not have the mental capacity this morning to even go there. 

They had chosen Queenstown as their next destination because they had heard it had the best nightlife and apparently had ton of super adventurous things to do. She apparently drunkenly promised to bungee jump with Dot, she really had to watch what she agreed to when she was drinking. How bad could it be though? I mean, they had already survived a staged plane crash and being stranded on an island.

She grabbed a hotel key, threw a sweatshirt over the tank and shorts she had somehow figured out how to put on last night. She must find coffee; she was pretty sure she had seen a coffee bar in the lobby of the hotel.

She couldn’t help but think of their French press at the apartment and how Toni always made her coffee for her and sometimes even brought it to her in bed with a kiss. How had things changed so much in such a short time? Toni was still reaching out but Shelby just didn’t know what to say to her. She knew Toni had a lot to figure out with her mom but Shelby couldn’t ignore the hurt she still felt thinking back to the day Toni asked for space.

Her phone buzzed as she ordered a coffee and some cereal. She looked down; she didn’t recognize the number but it appeared to be local. A slight recognition of drunkenly giving her number to the cute bartender last night surfaced. Shelby winced, whoops.

“Hey its Jessa, the bartender from last night? You girls should check out Vinyl Underground tonight. I’m off and me and my mates will be there around 10pm.”

Shelby couldn’t help but smile, sounded like a good plan. She had no idea what was on the agenda today, they always left that up to Dot. She loved scouring websites and travel brochures to find the coolest places to see and the best places to party.

When she got back to the room, the creatures were stirring. She sat down at the small table by the bed and reflexively handed her coffee to Fatin’s waiting hand. Her satin sleep mask barely pushed up off her eyes. From the island and now from traveling together she was back attuned to the other girls' rhythms and routines.

“So, Jessa, one of the bartenders from last night, invited us to the Vinyl Underground with her and her friends tonight.”

“Which bartender was she? There were so many drinks and so many bartenders.” Leah said rolling her neck and stretching her arms up.

Shelby thought to herself, don’t say it, please don’t say it.

“You know which one Leah.” Fatin said, giving Leah a c’mon now look.

Leah was looking around confused, not understanding what she was missing. Leave it to Dot to clear things up.

“The one that looked and acted eerily similar to a certain former basketball player we all love and hate. Dot explained.

Shelby rolled her eyes. “Okay mostly hate right now,” Dot added.

“Oh, that one, got it.” Leah said recognition dawning on her face.

“Ladies, she did not look that much like her.” Shelby couldn’t bring herself to say Toni’s name.

“Oh, she was definitely giving off Shalifoe vibes.” Leah said, grabbing the coffee cup from Fatin.

“It’s not even like that.” Shelby said, probably a little too defiantly.

“It’s okay to have a type Shelby. My type is tall, dark, and handsome. Your type is obviously small, dark, and cocky.” Dot teased.

“Cocky with no cock.” Fatin yelled, clearly proud of herself.

Shelby grabbed a pillow that had fallen off the bed and smacked Fatin with it. Pretty soon she was back on the bed as they were all hitting each other with pillows and laughing. She loved that she always had so much fun just hanging out with these girls. She was so glad this trip had worked out. Moments like this she almost didn’t wish Toni was there too. Almost but not quite. Wishing she was here never went away completely.

“Alright, let’s start the shower brigade. Today, I figured we could go ride the Gondola and that luge thing I was telling you about.” Dot said as the pillow fight died down. As much as Shelby didn’t really feel like moving, she was grateful to Dot for finding them things to do and encouraging them to get out and do things. Shelby was pretty sure if she, Fatin and Leah had been left to their own devices that might just drink too much every night and not leave their hotel room again until dark.

The views from the Gondola were insane. She couldn’t stop taking panoramic shots and posting 360-degree videos on her insta stories. Fatin had insisted on day drinking so Shelby took a pull from a water bottle filled with lemon flavored vodka and snapped a selfie with the most insane views of the lake and mountains that she had ever imagined.

“You looked really pretty in that one, that will make her crazy.” Fatin smiled and winked. Leave it to Fatin to always be able to read Shelby’s mind. She didn’t know if Toni was even checking her stories or any of her social media. But she made sure to wear her hair down and wavy, the way she knew Toni liked, and wear shirts that were lower cut than normal because she knew how much Toni loved her boobs. She couldn’t even explain why it mattered so much but she liked the idea of Toni watching her stories.

She leaned her head down on Fatin’s shoulder as the gondola rose even higher up into the mountains. Despite the circumstances of their meeting, she was so grateful these women were in her life. They were the best friends she had ever had. Really the only friends she had ever allowed herself to be completely authentic with. Based on the comments she had made on the island about Toni’s sexuality at the beginning, they could have written her off as a screwed-up hypocrite once they started to see what was going on between her and Toni. They didn’t they just accepted and supported her regardless.

Fatin took a cute selfie of them as she hugged Shelby tighter to her. They had been taking so many pictures this trip, making up for the fact that hadn’t had phones to capture any moments on the island.

When they got to the top and disembarked from the Gondola. The view took Shelby’s breath away. When she was struggling with losing Becca and maintaining the version of Shelby her father demanded, she had never imagined she would ever be this happy. Seeing the most beautiful sights that God had created with her friends and being able to do it as who she truly was.

She fingered the cross around her neck. It was a new one that Toni had gotten her for their 2nd anniversary earlier that year. They differed on what they counted as their anniversary, Toni counted from the night under the Lychee tree, Shelby counted from the day she picked up the phone and Toni asked for her girlfriend, after reading her letters from Loving Hope. How they handled their different opinions? Easy, they celebrated both.

“Shelby, let’s go, luge time!!!” Dot yelled excitedly, grabbing her hand and pulling her over toward a long track winding its way down the hill.

“Wait, what exactly did I agree to?” Leah asked nervously as they all watched these tiny carts speed down the course.

“Those don’t exactly look safe?” Shelby questioned.

“At least this time if you die, you won’t be a virgin.” Fatin teased.

“Fuck off Fatin.” Shelby said smiling.

She said a quick prayer as she got in the barely there cart and listened to the worker explain how the cart worked.

Here goes nothing she thought as she pulled up on the lever to start going to mountain. It was pure exhilaration flying down the track, there were so many turns that she didn’t grab the brake fast enough so she took them pretty fast. She couldn’t help laughing the whole way down, she felt so free.

Shelby checked her reflection in the mirror one more time as Dot’s playlist bumped in the background. Shelby and Dot were the only ones allowed to play their playlists while getting ready for to go out. Leah’s was vetoed because of too many sappy emo songs and Fatin’s randomly switched to classical too many times. She was pretty sure her playlist only made the cut because of Toni’s influence on her musical tastes over the last two years.

Fatin had been absolutely correct when she had suggested Shelby borrow this dress, it hugged her curves and the white shimmery color was a perfect complement to her bronzed skin. She laughed to herself thinking of have apoplectic Dave Goodkind would be seeing her in this short of a dress.

“Looking good Shel. You’ll have to let us know if we need to shut the door to the other room tonight. “ Fatin raised her eyebrows suggestively.

“Not even, it was just an invitation to a club.” Shelby said, touching her lipstick up in the mirror.

“For real though, you should have all the fun tonight. And I’ll be sure to post plenty of you living your best life on my story.” Fatin winked and hit her shoulder with hers playfully.

“Ride’s here ladies, Roll out.” Dot called holding open the door to the suite and ushering them out.

Shelby chugged the end of her pregame drink and headed out to see what the night had to offer.

This club was exactly what she had hoped it would be, 3 different dance floors with a live DJ spinning in each room. They quickly grabbed their drinks and hit the dancefloor. She had no idea how she would even find Jessa in this crowd. Luckily, she didn’t have to worry about it long. After only two songs in, she felt a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, you made it.” Shelby turned and smiled seeing Jessa with a group of equally good-looking friends. She had a feeling that Jessa’s friends would fit perfectly in with her own.

Jessa immediately went in for a hug and Shelby was surprised at how nice it felt. She wasn’t looking for anything. Her feelings for Toni were too strong for that, but she couldn’t lie that it was nice to feel wanted. And she could tell from the look in Jessa’s eyes that she was wanted. She was going to have to play this carefully.

The music at the club was so good that Shelby hadn’t had to worry about any awkward moments or conversations. Jessa and her friends were fantastic dancers and they spent the entire night on the dance floor. It felt so good to just let her hair down and let loose, dancing with an attractive girl.

She made sure to snap a couple of shots of the whole group dancing with their drinks, she posted one with the caption. “Cheers to new friends.” She didn’t dare post of just her and Jessa, she didn’t want to send the wrong idea.

Shelby took a break from the dance floor to grab a drink. She leaned against the bar and smiled watching her friends. Leah seemed to be awfully comfortable with one of Jessa’s friends. Dot was talking to the bartender, who was of course, tall, dark, and handsome. Fatin, true to brand, was dancing with three different guys at the same time.

“Hey, you having a good time?” Jessa came up next to her also leaning against the bar. Shelby couldn’t help but smile at the accent, it was definitely sexy.

“Yeah I am. Thanks for recommending this place.” Shelby turned toward her and smiled.

“I’m glad you came. I think we are going to gap it soon, would you want to hang again before you leave Queenstown?” Jessa asked.

There it was the date question. Would it hurt to just go and hang out with someone? Technically they were on a break, right? Did gap it mean leave?

“Gap it?” Shelby asked, figuring she could put off the question a few moments.

Jessa laughed, “Head out, leave. Sorry I forget sometimes which phrases are kiwi things.”

“Oh, got it. And yeah, you should text me.” Shelby said smiling and grabbing her drink. Maybe she did remember how to flirt after all. It had been quite a while since she flirted with anyone other than Toni.

Shelby returned to the dance floor while she caught a sweet kiss goodbye between Leah and Jessa’s friend Ben out of the corner of her eye. Good for her. She had a feeling they might be staying in Queenstown for a bit, between the gondola and luge today and this club, it had been a near perfect day.

She grabbed one last drink and let herself get lost just dancing with the girls until Dot did her normal last call, herding them out to their ride.

She slid into the car between Leah and Fatin. “Ben seemed nice.” Shelby teased Leah leaning into her with her body. Leah smiled a shy smile, “you saw that huh?” Both girls laughed and Leah leaned her head on Shelby’s shoulder and her eyes were closed after only a few minutes into the ride.

Fatin was scrolling her socials on Shelby’s other side and Shelby was casually watching over her shoulder. A text came in. Shelby couldn’t help but notice who it was from. Toni.

Fatin looked up at Shelby, “should I open?”

Yeah, go ahead. She was drunk enough that she had given Dot her phone an hour or so ago to avoid the urge to drunk text Toni. It had become her routine, when she got to a certain level of drunk, she handed the phone off to Dot. It was their unspoken agreement and Dot would always put her phone back on Shelby’s charger so she could find it in the morning.

“Who’s the girl?” Toni had texted Fatin.

“What is she talking about?” Shelby asked Fatin, eyebrows up.

“I may or may not have posted a good number of pics and videos of you dancing with Jessa and one of you and Jessa talking at the bar. I was poking the bear to see if she would respond. And look at that. It didn’t take very much time at all.” Fatin said mischievously.

“You are so wrong for that. Lemme see.” Shelby grabbed the phone and thumbed through the pics, Fatin did have a knack for catching them at moments that they had looked especially close and Shelby had looked especially happy. Shelby just shook her head as she handed the phone back. She wasn’t going to lie; she didn’t hate the idea of a jealous Toni flipping through their stories obsessively. 

“Today’s the day!” Dot said waking Shelby up by plopping on the bed next to her a few days later. The nerves were alrighty starting in Shelby’s stomach. Dot had made the reservations for their Kawarau Bridge bungee jump, and in a few hours, Leah and Fatin would be watching as her and Dot took the leap. Apparently, it was one of the original bungee jumping locations, she wasn’t sure if it made Shelby more or less nervous that people had been bungee jumping off this bridge since well before she was born.

Dot’s uncontainable excitement was contagious though. When again in Shelby’s life would she be this free to do whatever she wanted, to include throwing herself off a bridge to bounce back up. She carefully picked a comfy outfit per the instructions but also wanted to go with something bright so she would show up in the pictures Fatin and Leah would be snapping.

She was trying to keep herself calm and not focus on worse case scenarios as they drove over to the jump site. She tried to clear her head and focus on the safety instructors to make sure she knew exactly what to expect.

The instructor’s name was Marcus, which of course had made all 4 of them giggle, remembering their island mannequin companion. Marcus really was as sweet as they imagine he would be. He must have been able to tell she was nervous because he said reassuringly, “I promise, it really is safe and there is no better high.” Shelby smiled as she stepped closer to the edge. She had decided to go first, scared that after watching Dot jump, she might not be able to force herself to do it.

Leah ran over right before she was ready to jump, kissed her cheek and said, “You got this. I’m proud of you train wreck!” Shelby smiled; train wreck had been their mutual nickname for each other ever since their consecutive island breakdowns.

The second Shelby stepped off the bridge she couldn’t describe the feeling of freefalling, feeling completely unfettered.

She had never felt closer to God than in that moment. She started laughing uncontrollably and continued the whole way down and when she bounced up. She thought she would have closed her eyes but she kept them open the whole time.

She wanted to bottle that feeling and keep it with her always to tap whenever she needed to be reminded how amazing life really was.

In the car on the way back to the resort, she was still feeling the high as her phone started ringing. Shelby smiled as she saw Martha’s face pop on the facetime request.

She answered the call breathlessly, immediately beginning, “Martha, you are not going to believe what I just did,” it wasn’t until then that she noticed Martha was crying and looked like she had been for a while. Martha only needed to say 2 words to knock the breath out of Shelby.

“It’s Toni.”


	11. Chapter 11

Shelby felt all of the air leave her body. She was glad Martha was on speaker because she could only register bits and pieces of what she was saying.

There had been a break in at their apartment.

Toni was in the hospital.

Not in good shape.

Cops were there.

Not a lot of details.

Can’t find Christina.

She didn’t register that she had started crying but her face was wet and tears dripped onto her bright yellow shirt. The thrill of that afternoon had completely vanished. She also didn’t remember handing her phone to Dot or curling into Leah but she realized she was no longer holding her phone.

Toni was hurt.

Toni was hurt.

She felt like her brain was moving in slow motion.

“I need to be there.” Shelby suddenly said out loud hearing her own voice and realizing she was sobbing.

That was all she knew and could comprehend. Toni was thousands miles away and she needed to be there immediately.

“Fatin’s already on it honey.” Leah said, stroking Shelby’s hair.

She knew how long their flight to Australia had been so she knew it would probably be more than 24 hours until she could be next to her.

“Is she awake?” Shelby asked, needing to talk to her immediately. This was all Shelby’s fault. Something had been wrong and she had been avoiding her calls and texts when Toni needed her. She was too busy wearing stupid low cut shirts and trying to make her jealous, it all seemed so ridiculously silly now.

Where the hell was Christina? Did this have anything to do with her?

Shelby felt like her brain was out of control, jumping from one fragmented thought to another.

“No, she hasn’t been conscious since they found her about 2 hours ago.” A male’s voice answered. Edwin. She leaned over to look into her phone and she saw that Martha had started crying and must have handled the phone to Edwin just as she had handed the phone to Dot.

She felt more tears coming as she thought about Toni laying hurt on the floor of their apartment. Their sanctuary. How long had she laid on the floor before she was found? Her heart broke thinking about Toni laying on the floor, hurt and scared and Shelby preparing to jump off a damn bridge.

“Yes, I need the absolute quickest flight from Queenstown, New Zealand to Minneapolis for 4 adults, first class if available, if not we will deal. There has been a family emergency.” Shelby registered what Fatin was saying. No she couldn’t let them sacrifice this trip of a lifetime.

“Just 1 adult, don’t ruin your trip.” Shelby said.

“Shh.” Leah said rubbing her hair.

“Forreal, I just need…” Shelby started.

Dot cut her off, “Not negotiable Goodkind. You heard Fatin, family emergency, Toni is our family too.”

Shelby felt herself smiling as much of a smile as she could muster and allowed herself to just let go and trust that they would handle everything. All she could do was just keep praying over and over again that Toni wasn’t as hurt as it seemed and it was all some big misunderstanding.

Shelby couldn’t focus on anything for the next 2 days. Thank God for the girls. Leah was on Shelby duty, they must have figured Leah knew that level of sadness the most intimately and would best be able to comfort Shelby. Fatin and Dot were making the arrangements to check out of the resort, book the flight, pack everyone’s things.

She had been blowing poor Martha’s phone up for updates throughout the preparation and the flights and layovers until they were finally back in Minnesota. 

What she knew now that they were Nate’s, Edwin’s friend, SUV speeding toward the hospital from the airport, was that Toni had had 2 surgeries, she was in a medically induced coma, according to the police it appeared to be a robbery gone wrong, they had recovered some property they believed to be theirs at a pawn shop, they had 2 suspects in custody, Christina still couldn’t be located, and she was wanted by the police for questioning for her involvement. Shelby couldn’t even process all of this information.

She had promised to her protect Toni even from her own mother. She had failed her. She couldn’t lose Toni. She had failed Becca and lost her because she wasn’t strong enough to tell the truth. And now she could lose Toni because she hadn’t been strong enough to stay when things got tough. She was better off alone everyone, around her got hurt.

“Hey, don’t do whatever you are doing in your head right now Goodkind. I mean it. Stop.” Fatin said putting her arm around her in the SUV. She swore Fatin had a computer chip or something in her head, she always seemed to be able to tell when she was beating herself up. She thinks its why she had always secretly thought Fatin and Leah would be so good for each other because Fatin could tell when Leah was going dark.

Fatin and Shelby got out of the SUV at the hospital while Nate took Dot and Leah to the hotel they had booked right next to the hospital so they could check in and get rid of their bags. Shelby took a few deep breaths as she stood in front of the hospital. All she had wanted the last two days was to be here, now she was here and she didn’t know if she could make it inside the building. Maybe Toni would wake up and not want her here. She felt glued to the spot. Fatin was almost to the door when she turned around and saw her just standing there nervously playing with her hair. Fatin smiled a sweet smile at her and came back toward her.

“We can take a minute if you want babe, it’s a lot. It’s a lot for me too. I’m scared shitless. But our girl is right in there and she needs us.” Fatin said taking Shelby in her arms. She always knew exactly what to say. She knew Fatin was right, they needed to go inside.

Shelby nodded and they slowly made the way into the hospital. She let Fatin do all the talking to find out where they needed to be. When they got to the ICU waiting room Shelby’s heart soared to see Rachel, the Blackburns, and Edwin. They had settled into a corner and had taken over the space. She was covered in hugs, seeing them felt like home but she needed to see Toni. Rachel was on the phone at the attendant’s desk. “Hello, yes, Shelby, Toni’s girlfriend is here. Okay thank you.”

“The nurse will be right out to come get you.” Rachel said.

Thank God for Rachel, she sounded like a lawyer already, she forgot how nice it felt to have her on your team.

“Shelby honey,” Mrs. Blackburn called her over aside, from the group, “you might need to take a minute to prepare yourself, her injuries are extensive and it is a bit shocking to see her.. like that.”

“Thank you.” Shelby said leaning into another hug from Mrs. Blackburn. Shelby was so grateful for this woman; she had been a stand in mother for both her and Toni. She knew she had to be hurting because she knew how she considered both of them as much her daughters as Martha and her sisters. Shelby had called her mom earlier and she was coming in from Houston tonight. Her mom’s support and acceptance was still something she had to get used to after so many years of hiding who she was.

Shelby smiled at the kind nurse who led her back. They stopped in front of a room with a police officer sitting outside. Was Toni still in danger? Was she in trouble?

“Officer Connors, this is Shelby Goodkind, Ms. Shalifoe’s roommate.” The nurse said to the police officer as he stood up.

“Girlfriend.” Shelby corrected her, if Toni could hear her, she would be so proud of her.

“Yes of course Ms. Goodkind,” Officer Connors said reaching out to shake her hand, “I’m Sean, I’m here to make sure Ms. Shalifoe is safe Also, I understand you have had a long trip. The detectives have some questions for you, so when you are ready to answer questions, you just let me know and I will tell them. No rush, this is all on your time table.” Sean said patting her hand as he released it.

Shelby was so grateful that he had kind eyes. This was so overwhelming and she hadn’t even seen Toni yet.

“Thanks, you can call me Shelby. Can I see Toni now?” Shelby asked. 

"Of course," Sean said ushering her in.

She knew Mrs. Blackburn had tried to warn her but she didn’t think there was anything she could have done to prepare herself for how small and frail Toni looked in the bed. She felt a gasp escape as she saw her. Her Toni. What had they done to her? That beautiful face. Both her eyes were black and her beautiful nose looked broken, her whole face was swollen and her arm was in a cast. She must have been through so much pain, she must have been so scared. Shelby felt so guilty that she had ever left her, she felt like she may pass out, the conflicting emotions roiling within her were too much. 

“Shelby," Martha exhaled, released Toni’s hand and in one swift motion was engulfing Shelby in a hug.

Martha’s hugs always felt like home. She felt herself release the tension she had felt since Martha had called. She had so many questions, so much she needed to know from Martha but that would come. For now, the two girls cried into each other’s shoulders, holding each other, not having to say a word, knowing how much they both loved the small girl laying in the bed next to them.”

“I’m so glad you are here Shelby.” Martha said wiping her tears and then wiping Shelby’s. And Martha nodded toward Toni. “Go ahead.”

Shelby walked over to the bed and leaned down and kissed the face of the woman she loved. “I love you,” Shelby said and then she leaned in and whispered in Toni’s ear, “I am so sorry Toni, please don’t leave me.”

The nurse who had walked her down came in with another chair for Shelby but Martha ushered Shelby to the chair right next to Toni. Shelby sat down and picked up Toni’s hand. It felt so good to just hold her hand even under these circumstances. Martha said next to her and took Shelby’s other hand in hers. Officer Connors had gone back to sit in the hallway so they were on her own with Toni.

“ICU visiting rules are usually really strict but they have been super flexible and kind with us because of the circumstances. It’s been hard to get information because there is technically no next of kin since …”

“Since no one can find Christina.” Shelby finished her sentence for her. Her blood boiled just thinking about Christina. She prayed she didn’t have anything to do with this for Toni’s sake; however, Shelby’s every instinct told her Christina was involved and it was too much of a coincidence that this happened after she came back into Toni’s life.

“Yeah… But Rachel has been playing lawyer arguing that they need to treat us as next of kin and I’m sure she will get them to tell you things. She’s going to be a great lawyer.” Martha smiled. Sweet, sweet Martha, they were both so lucky to have her.

Shelby didn’t know how long they sat there in a comfortable silence her holding both of their hands. She took a deep breath, as much as she didn’t want to leave Toni’s side, she knew she needed to talk to the police and see if she could give them any information to help them in the investigation and to see if they could give her any more answers. She didn’t want to waste any time, she wanted to do whatever she could to make sure the cops could charge anyone who had anything to do with hurting the woman she loved.

“Will you stay with her? I’m going to try and talk to the detectives.” Shelby said leaning into Martha.

“Of course,” Martha said.

Shelby told Officer Connors that she was ready to answer questions but asked if she could bring someone with her. Luckily he said that shouldn’t be a problem. Shelby wasn’t ready to be alone and was glad when Fatin of course agreed to come with her.

There were two dectectives, one about her parents age and the other didn’t appear too much older than they were. Under better circumstances she knew Fatin would probably have wound up sleeping with the younger detective. They gave her their names but they didn’t register, her brain was too filled with images of Toni’s swollen, broken face.

They led her into a small consultation room off of the ICU waiting room. 

The questions they asked were pretty routine, about who had keys to the apartment, who had access. When Christina had started staying there. When Shelby had left for her trips. What the state of the apartment was when she had left. If Christina had ever had visitors while she was there. One question made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

“Did Christina know about Toni’s settlement or the amount?” The younger detective asked. The question made her feel as if the detectives also suspected that Christina was involved.

“Not that I am aware of; however, it was announced in the media shortly before Christina came back into Toni’s life after she hadn’t heard from her for over 4 years. I’m not going to lie, it seemed suspicious. Toni and I agreed to not tell her about the settlements and she never brought it up in front of me.” Shelby felt a twinge of guilt as she responded.

She knew Toni wouldn’t love that she was saying that she was suspicious of Christina but she knew she had to be completely honest with the detectives. If Christina did have anything to do with this, she didn’t want her to ever have the ability to contact Toni ever again.

If she didn’t have anything to do with this then why wasn’t she here. If she loved her daughter so much then where the hell was she? Shelby felt Fatin’s hand squeeze her leg and she took a deep breath. No point in letting herself get so angry about Christina, all she could do was tell the cops everything she knew.

She continued answering their questions for what felt like hours.

Right as she felt like she was going to have to ask for a break, the older detective said, “Thank you Ms. Goodkind, we are almost done. We were hoping you could identify some things we recovered at the pawn shop and from the suspects in custody that we believe belong to you and Ms. Shalifoe Is that alright?

Shelby nodded, it was almost over.

She identified everything about a dozen items for them, their class rings, their laptops, the new ipads they had recently purchased for themselves, a ring her mother had given her that had belonged to her great grandmother, and their tv.

She saw the detectives pass a glance between each other before they asked bout the last item. The younger detective pulled what looked like a ring box out of the evidence box. He handed it to Shelby.

“Do you recognize this ring?” He said gently as she opened the box to reveal the most beautiful diamond ring she had ever seen; it was huge with a princess cute diamond in the middle surrounded by small diamonds all around.

It was so beautiful it almost took her breath away, she finally understood what people meant when they described something as breathtaking. Shelby closed the box and shook her head as she pushed it back toward the detective. They must have gotten mixed up.

“I recognize it,” Fatin said softly from next to Shelby, “I was with Toni when she bought it, I helped her pick it out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not an expert on hospital or legal procedures so if anything is far fetched, just roll with it .


	12. Chapter 12

All she could feel was pain, everywhere. If they had fucking killed her she wouldn’t be in pain right? The pain means that they stopped and she wasn’t dead right. Panic hit her, maybe they weren’t done, maybe it wasn’t over, where was she. She couldn’t move her neck, she could open her eyes thought right. Ow. Pain.

Pain means you aren’t dead she reminded herself. 

Fuck. That didn't make it hurt any less. 

Light, that wasn’t the ceiling of the apartment, had they moved her?

Toni tried to look to the left and right without moving her neck, taking stock of her surrounding, machines, IV.

It must be over. She must be in the hospital and they don’t hook you up to machines if you’re dead right?

She tried to take in more of her surroundings, trying the smallest amount of movements to increase her range of vision.

Shelby.

What? No that can’t be right.

She glanced her eyes to the right again, it definitely looked like Shelby’s beautiful head leaning on her beautiful skinny little arms. Holding her hand. Could she move her hand? She tried to squeeze the hand of the beautiful blonde.

The blonde’s eyes flew open and she jumped immediately up.

Shelby.

It was Shelby.

She was here.

Shelby leaned into her face.

“She’s awake, she’s awake. Praise the Lord.” Shelby started jumping up and down with someone just outside her view.

“Oh, thank God.” The other person said in a voice Toni immediately recognized. Marti.

Shelby and Marti were here.

Her girls.

Was this a dream? It had to be, Shelby wasn’t in Minnesota, she was in New Zealand dancing with a girl that wasn’t Toni. Toni winced at the memory, it hurt more than any of the physical pain she was feeling.

She had been laying on the couch not doing anything because she had stopped doing things.

Christina had been “at work,” but Toni had stopped believing that she actually had a job at least a week ago. Toni was pretty sure she was back on drugs, probably the meth that had been her drug of choice before she had left last time.

Everything was falling apart and it was all Toni’s fault. She had fucked up again. She had chosen her flake of a mom over Shelby and her mom had picked drugs over Toni, again. She was older than last time and she understood that addiction was a disease, at least more than she had when she was a kid.

So, in her brain, she knew Christina was sick but people fought addiction all the time, for the people they loved. Christina just must not love her enough for her to fight the addiction hard enough to choose Toni over the next high.

She had no solid proof that Christina was using again, it was just little hints the Toni had picked up over the years, small changes in Christina’s behavior that always seemed to happen before the big meltdown and whatever she broke that time. A TV, a door, a cop’s nose. When it all came crashing down, someone or something other than Christina always paid the price and she got carted off to rehab. She was glad in a way that things had gone down the way they had because at least Shelby was safe away from the destructive force that was her mom.

Christina broke things and people and at least now she couldn’t break Shelby. She had broken Toni years before, sure the unconditional love of Marti and all the Blackburns and more recently the Unsinkables had helped heal her. And of course, Shelby’s love most of all. When she was in Shelby’s arms she didn’t feel like a thrown away foster kid, she felt like she making something of her life, Shelby had made her feel worth a damn. And Toni had pushed that love away for the person who had originally broken her. She didn’t think Christina could possibly do any more damage to Toni than she had already done.

The first picture she saw from that night, Shelby had posted with some sappy caption about new friends.

Toni’s immediate reaction: No new friends.

Shelby didn’t need new friends she had plenty. Toni eyes had gone straight to the way the girl next to Shelby was looking at her. She recognized that look because its how she looked at Shelby, like how is this girl real and why is she wasting her time with me.

She had tried to push it out of her head, just because she was looking at Shelby like that didn’t matter. But then, there she was in every picture or video Shelby posted and always up Shelby’s ass. Who the fuck was she?

Eventually, Toni had let her curiosity get the best of her and she checked Leah’s story, a few pics of her and some guy, but in the background of one, she saw the girl’s hands on Shelby’s hips. Who the fuck was this girl? And why the fuck were her hands on her fucking girlfriend?

Toni could feel her temperature rising. She had an empty fast food container in her hands and was absentmindedly ripping at it, as she was getting angrier and angrier the pile of Styrofoam bits next to her was getting bigger and bigger. Luckily there was no shortage of takeout containers within arm’s reach. The whole apartment was littered with them.

By the time Toni got to Fatin’s story she was seething. Every fucking picture or video in Fatin’s story was Shelby and the girl, dancing, talking, laughing. Toni was miserable, pretty sure her mom had fucking relapsed and the only person who she wanted to talk to about it was dancing and flirting with other girls. And of course, Shelby had looked fucking gorgeous in a tiny little sparkly dress.

Fuck.

Before she could think twice, she texted Fatin, “Who’s the girl?”

She kicked at the shit in front of her. This fucking apartment was disgusting everything in this apartment was disgusting. All these fucking beer cans and bottles. She didn’t know why she agreed with her mom that they should get alcohol to get ready for New Years Eve the day after Christmas. The alcohol had been gone by the 27th and they were getting more and more. Until all Toni did was wake up, maybe smoke a bowl (another Christina addition to her life), start drinking and stalk all the fun Shelby and the girls were having.

She wasn’t answering Marti’s texts. What was she supposed to fucking tell her, that she was a fucked-up mess? If she did Marti would be over here in an instant attempting to fix her. She knew that but she wasn’t fixable and she wasn’t worth fucking fixing.

She didn’t even know the last time she had showered. The shower in the master bathroom reminded her of too many shared showers with Shelby. Toni had fucked that up and now Shelby was probably about to shower with some bitch in New Zealand. Wonder if she could get her off as fast as Toni could? 

Toni slammed one of the glass bottles against the dining room table. It was much more satisfying than ripping up the Styrofoam. She picked up another one, this time she threw it so that it smashed against the floor. A laugh escaped. She had finally lost her fucking mind. Soon she had smashed every single empty glass bottle she could find, against the floor, the table, any hard surface she could find, trying to make an even louder noise than the one before.

By the time Christina came in a few hours later, the floor sparkled with broken glass. She couldn’t fuck with her right now. “Be careful, there’s some broken glass,” Toni said, getting up, grabbing a full bottle of whiskey from the counter and slamming her bedroom door.

Ouch that memory did not get any easier, but Shelby was here. She realized Shelby was saying something to her.

“Toni, do it again, squeeze my hand. Look Martha, look.” Shelby said excitedly.

Toni felt a smile forming but then she winced, there was the intense pain again, at least the pain made her think that this wasn’t a dream.

She squeezed Shelby’s hand again. Shelby and Marti squealed and jumped up and down.

“My turn!” Toni felt the hand in hers release and she felt a softer, warmer hand take its place.

Her Marti. The only constant she had ever had in her life. And she had tried to push her away the last few weeks too. 

She squeezed Marti’s hand.

More squeals and laughter.

She went to try and say something, more pain, her jaw must be broken. She attempted again to speak, with out trying to move her jaw, it came out more of a hiss and she doubt they could hear her over their laughter. She needed to get their attention. She squeezed Marti’s hand harder and she turned toward her and she hissed again.

“Shhh shh she’s trying to say something.” Marti said. 

The girls finally hushed and she saw Shelby come into her limited view again.

She hissed again but her mouth was so dry she's not sure they understood her.

“I love you.” She said as clear as she could muster.

The look in Shelby’s eyes as she leaned down showed that she had understood. She leaned in and softly kissed Toni’s forehead and said “I love you too.”

Toni shook her head, she tried to raise the arm that wasn’t heavy, the hand that they were holding but it hurt and was attached, but she gestured as much as she could toward her lips.

“What’s she trying to say?” Marti asked.

Shelby gasped and then laughed. Oh how Toni had missed that laugh.

“I think she’s mad that I kissed her forehead and she’s telling me to kiss her on the lips.”

Toni nodded her head gently.

Her Shelby was back.

Shelby leaned in and gently kissed Toni’s lips.

That kiss was the thing she had held onto. The hope of kissing this girl again. That was what had gotten her through when they had been beating her, demanding she tell them where the money was, how to access it, all while the woman who had given birth to her looked on. She had held onto the idea that she had to fight back, that she had to live so she could fix things and get back to this girl and her kisses that felt like coming up for air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments! I love reading your feedback!! Keep it coming! 
> 
> Also hit me up on Tumblr, Wild at Hart, if you have any ideas of cute/ funny prompts for wedding planning or domestic scenes you want to see, I want to play in this world a little and have some fun with this ship after all this drama works out, which of course it will because I'm a sap. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

Shelby had so much to say Toni, so many questions to ask her.

She rolled her fingers around the ring box in her pocket. All the rest of the property that had been recovered was back in the hotel room but this she wanted to keep with her. She had been fighting the urge to at least try it on every since Fatin had dropped the bomb that Toni had bought the ring.

For her. Toni was going to ask her to marry her. She had pressed Fatin for every detail that she knew as soon as the detectives had left the room.

“Walk me through every single thing she said and did that day.”

“Shel..” Fatin whined.

“Fatin, you owe me. You knew that she was going to propose and you let me go half way around the world! Details!” Shelby teased as she opened the ring box back up and stared at the ring again.

This time when she looked at it, she knew what it meant. She knew that it wasn’t a mistake, that it had been purchased for her. She knew that this ring represented the future that Toni wanted to have with her. This time when she looked at it, she saw herself trying on beautiful white dresses surrounded by her friends and her mom. She saw Toni looking adorable but super uncomfortable in a tux. She saw a beautiful wedding cake.

Shelby made Fatin tell her about their trip to the jeweler 3 times. She loved picturing Toni fumbling through asking to look at engagement rings. Shelby could picture her biting her lower lip nervously, having no idea what the jeweler was talking about when they asked if she wanted round cut, princess cut, emerald cut, oval cut, etc. She could see the exact face that she knew Toni made to Fatin silently begging for her to help. Shelby loves picturing the relief Toni probably felt when Fatin took control, speaking the language of expensive jewelry like only she could.

Fatin smiled at her, “I did pretty good huh?”

Shelby finally took her eyes of the ring. “It’s perfect.”

“So are you going to try it on?” Fatin asked wiggling her eyebrows.

“Fatin, isn’t that bad luck or something?” Shelby acted appalled but she had been fighting the urge to put it on for the last half hour.

That had been 2 days ago. She couldn’t count the number of times she had looked at the ring since then. She had grown up dreaming about her wedding, flipping through bridal magazines at the drug store with her friends.

As she got older, after Becca, after she started having feelings that everything, she had ever known had told her were wrong, she stopped picturing her wedding because she didn’t want to imagine who would be waiting at the altar for her. Now with this ring in her pocket, she could start dreaming about it again because she knew who she wanted to put it on her finger. She knew there was no way in hell Toni Shalifoe was getting married in a church but this ring was proof that she did want to get married. To her.

Shelby sat in the chair in the corner smiling as she watched as the parade of everyone here for Toni came in to see her now that she was awake. She hugged her knees to her chest, and kept watching Toni, she could just stare at her for hours, now that she was awake.

“Okay everyone clear out, you can come see Ms. Shalifoe after my exam.” An older doctor that sort of looked like Santa Claus said.

Shelby got up and went to kiss Toni before following Doctor’s orders. Toni grabbed onto her arm, “She stays.” Shelby looked at the Dr. for permission.

“If Ms. Shalifoe is fine with you hearing her medical information. We typically only allow family,” the Dr. said.

“Girlfriend stays.” Toni said defiantly. There was her angry little Toni. She knew that talking must hurt badly because she was being extremely efficient with her words, even for her.

“I’m Dr. Gingrich, and does Ms. Shalifoe’s girlfriend have a name?” Dr. Gingrich said as he extended his hand to Shelby. She liked him already.

“I’m Shelby.” She said, imagining his dancing eyes through the eyes of his grandchildren. He just had to be a grandpa, she could tell.

“Nice to meet you Shelby. Take a seat.” Dr. Gingrich said as he pulled up the other chair. “Ms. Shalifoe you took one hell of a beating, but I heard you also put up one hell of a fight.” He said with a roguish smile. Of course, Toni put up a fight, she shuddered thinking about how much bigger and stronger they must have been than her to put her in this bed, in this condition.

“Assholes,” Toni spat.

“Yes, I think we can all agree to that. So, I am sure you have figured out some of the areas you have pain, let’s run through the list shall we? You had swelling in your brain which was the need to keep you sleeping, to let that heal. You have 3 broken ribs, a broken nose, a broken jaw, a broken ulna, the bone in your arm, a third degree burn on your hand, and busted knee cap and obviously a lot of contusions, cuts and smaller burns. There is a particular contusion on your stomach that we are keeping an eye on for internal bleeding.” Shelby took in a deep breath, it all sounded so scary and a few tears escaped as hard as she tried to keep them in. Her poor baby, the hell that she must have gone through, the burns were what shook Shelby the most.

She looked up to look in Toni’s eyes, “I’m so sorry,” she mouthed, wiping a tear away.

“Doc tell her I’m going to be fine,” Toni said slowly, deliberately to ensure she was understood. Shelby saw her wincing from the pain but she also registered the tension in her jaw and realized there is no point in arguing when she gets that look.

“Yes, Shelby, remarkably she is going to be just fine, we just need to continuing watching her vitals, she needs to rest but I think we are able to get her transferred out of ICU to the step down unit. She has been progressing nicely.” Dr. Gingrich explained. Shelby took a deep breath she knew that was good news, plus the visiting rules would be even more relaxed outside of ICU, the girls could come back more than 1 at a time.

“See, no tears.” Toni said shaking her head as much as she could. Shelby rolled her eyes, she might have been laid up in a hospital bed but she was still more concerned with Shelby and how she was feeling than with herself.

“I will go ahead and order some pain medicine now that you are up and awake. The surgeon should be in later to discuss next steps with your jaw. I hope you know how to make milkshakes Shelby.” Dr. Gingrich said as he put his hand on her shoulder and he turned to leave.

“I’m so sorry I left you,” Shelby said as she put her head down. The tears coming again. She couldn’t get past the mental pictures of what they must have done to her. She wanted to kiss every single injury and make it better.

“Stop. I apologize. I fucked up everything.” Toni said her brown eyes trained Shelby’s own.

“I missed you. So much.” Shelby said trying to slow the tears.

“I missed you. You didn’t have to come back.” Toni said wincing.

“Stop, of course I needed to be here, there is nowhere else I would rather be. I am never leaving your side again. And we have a ton to talk about but there will be time love. Give your jaw a break for now. Is there anything you need?”

Toni nodded looking serious.

“What can I do?” Shelby asked.

Toni gestured for her to lean in closer and then closer. Shelby thought she would whisper what she needed, but when she was close enough, she felt Toni’s free hand dancing up under her shirt and under her bra. Shelby blushed and looked around laughing. Toni pinched her nipple and Shelby felt herself drawing in a deep breath. It felt so amazing to have those familiar hands on her again. Toni winked and moved her hand down out from under her shirt.

“I need that too,” Shelby said leaning in, kissing the space behind her ear that she knew drove Toni crazy. “There will be plenty of time for that.” Shelby said as she leaned in and gently kissed her beautiful, strong girlfriend, who still knew how to get to her even from a hospital bed.

Shelby stretched her arms up. Napping in an actual bed felt amazing but now she wanted to get up and get back to the hospital. She had hated to admit everyone had been right, she needed that nap. Now that Toni was up and was about to be moved to a different unit, Martha and her mom had finally been able to convince her to come back to the hotel room and take a shower and a nap.

“Knock knock,” Shelby looked up and her mom was at the door holding a cup of coffee. “I thought I heard you wake up sweetheart.” Her mom said handing her the coffee cup and sitting down next to her on the bed. Shelby’s heart swelled; she was so glad her mom was here. All that time Shelby felt so ashamed of how long her eyes would linger on other girls, how she longed to feel their touch, she never imagined there would come a day that she would be able to have a girlfriend and her mom know and support her.

“Mom, I can’t even tell you how much it means that you are here for us.” Shelby said.

“Of course, I just wish I had known what was going on sooner, honey. I know I haven’t always been there for you like I should have but I am here now. I started going to PFLAG meetings in Houston.” Her mom said with a small smile. She was right, she knew her mom was not her father but she had kept her at arm’s length because she didn’t know just how accepting she was. When she had gone to Houston for Christmas, she didn’t lie but she didn’t divulge any of the details surrounding Christina’s reappearance in Toni’s life or Shelby’s misgivings about her. She was always careful when talking to her mom to try not to talk about Toni too much. Maybe she hadn’t given her mom enough credit. Her being here for days spoke volumes and Shelby was shocked that she had taken the step to go to meetings for families of LGBTQIA folx.

As they got back to the hospital, they headed to the new room. When they got to the waiting room outside the new step down unit, Shelby gave her mom a hug and went toward the buzzer to go back.

“Hold up a second Goodkind. Take a seat. Toni has requests.” Dot said.

“Oh does she?” Shelby laughed and sat down.

Fatin sat down next to her, “So she knows you know. And she requests you return what is currently in your pocket to her.”

Shelby’s heart dropped. She wants the ring back. She changed her mind. Shelby had been getting ahead of herself. She just assumed Toni would still ask but what if she had changed her mind.

Shelby nodded and shakily took out the box and handed it Fatin. She was trying not to let it show how much it saddened her to hand it back.

Fatin took the box and shoved it in her pocket then she went up to Shelby’s mom who had settled with Mrs. Blackburn.

“Mrs. Goodkind, would you mind coming back with me? Toni wanted to talk to you.” Fatin said as Shelby went to stand to go back with them. Dot stopped her.

“Nope, you stay here, Toni had specific instructions. And I listen to people in hospital beds.” Dot said.

“What is going on?” Shelby asked as she reluctantly sat back down.

Leah smiled from where she was sitting reading a book of course, “Just roll with it Shel, I promise.”

Shelby’s mind was racing, first Toni asked for the ring back and then she asked to talk to her mom.

What was she up to now?


	14. Chapter 14

Toni closed her eyes as Marti finished toweling her face gently, she had pictured herself looking very different for this. She had grand plans but she needed to ask the question now, even if it was with a busted-up face and laying in a hospital bed like a chump. She couldn’t wait any longer, especially now that Shelby knew about the ring. Toni needed to know that she hadn’t fucked up everything and that she still had a future with Shelby. 

“Hair?” Toni asked Marti.

“Aw you are being such a girl.” Marti said as smoothed Toni’s hair into a neater ponytail. “I think that’s the best we can do.”

“Incoming.” Fatin said as she walked in with Shelby’s mom.

This was really happening. What would Toni do if she didn’t give her blessing? Would she still propose? Was it worse to ask and get a no and still propose or propose without asking? Her heart was beating out of her chest as Mrs. Goodkind walked in with Fatin. Marti got up and Fatin slipped the ring box to Marti who placed it in Toni’s hand as Marti brought the chair over for Shelby’s mom. Toni was so grateful for such good friends, they coordinated everything perfectly. The island sure had taught them how to work together.

“Thanks for coming.” Toni said, ugh why was she being so lame. She was usually good at charming moms but she had never had to ask anything that mattered this much before.

“Of course, honey, I’m so glad you are awake, we were all so worried, Shelby especially. “ Mrs. Goodkind said as she sat down.

“Thanks… I wanted to ask you something.” Toni said

“Of course, anything I can do to help.” Mrs. Goodkind said.

“Your daughter is the best thing, the best thing that has ever come into my life.” Toni said trying not to wince from the pain. “And I want her in my life forever. I want to ask her to marry me.” Toni said as as she handed the ring box to Shelby’s mom.

“Oh darling, its beautiful. Are you sure? Y’all are so young? I know this is an emotional time for you, I just don’t want y’all rushing into anything.” Mrs. Goodkind responded.

Toni had been afraid of this, she knew they were young. She knew she had a lot of growing up to do, but she wanted to grow up and grow old with Shelby by her side. Now she just had to convince Shelby's mom that this wasn't a rash decision made because she had the shit beat out of her and been betrayed by the one person who should never betray you. She had to convince her that she was good for Shelby as well and that she would take good care of her daughter. She wished right now she had Leah's gift for words, they had never been her strong suit but she needed to make Shelby's mom understand how serious this was to her and how much she loved her daughter. 

“I have never been surer of anything in my life. And we are young but this whole thing has taught me that I never want to be without her. And Mrs. Goodkind, I bought this ring over a month ago, I had been planning to talk to you when we came to Houston.” Toni said, trying to be understood but not make her jaw hurt any worse, but if this worked out, she could handle a little pain if she meant Shelby might be her wife.

“I’ve seen how much you two take care of each other over the last few years. I know my girl will be in good hands. You have my blessing.” JoBeth Goodkind said as she stood up, handed the ring back to her and kissed her forehead. “Now I’m assuming you would like to see Shelby?”

“Thank you.” Toni said smiling a soft smile. Blessing. She had Shelby’s mom’s blessing. She had somehow convinced this woman that even though she was currently laid up in a hospital bed, and was a foster kid with a fucked up biological family that she was good enough for her daughter.

She has no idea how she managed that because she knew she wasn't good enough for Shelby, not yet, but she was getting there. Shelby made her want to be better, do better every single day.

She was really about to ask that beautiful, bubbly blonde that she had met on a private plane years ago to marry her. She had known on that cliff that they could have something good but she had never allowed herself to imagine how good.

She had never allowed herself to imagine what it felt like to love someone so much. She knew she still had a lot to figure out and she knew she had a long road ahead of her but there was no one else she wanted to do life with. The shit with Christina just proved that her real family had always been her chosen family, the Blackburns, the Unsinkables, and hopefully, eventually, officially Shelby.

She wished she had been able to know what Shelby had been thinking when the cops showed her the ring. Toni knew she had fucked up and pushed Shelby away but she never wanted her out of her life. She never wanted to not spend her life with her. Seeing Shelby so much as dancing with another girl had pushed her over the edge. Fatin had said Shelby had been carrying the ring around with her in her pocket, surely that was a good sign right?

“Hey you.” Shelby said as she came in. She looked beautiful, her hair was still wet pulled up in a messy top knot that looked so cute on her and she had on a jumpsuit that was one of her favorites. She loved when Shelby wore green and made the green of her eyes even more brilliant.

“If I’m being honest, I’m a little unnerved by you talking to my mom.” Shelby said as she sat down.

“Well I did want to ask you something, something really important.” Toni said taking in a deep breath. Here goes. Shelby inhaled deeply as well.

“I wanted to ask you…” Toni nervously bit her bottom lip.

“Yeah?” Shelby asked leaning in. Her beautiful green eyes wide with anticipation.

“Would you… want to get a cell phone plan together? Those assholes took my phone and I thought maybe we could get a plan together.” Toni was trying so hard to keep a straight face as she watched Shelby’s face fall and then try to recover.

“Yeah, of course, only makes sense.” Shelby said nervously hugging her arms to herself. Toni couldn't help but smile at the disappointment that was so evident in Shelby's eyes, so she had been expecting the other question. Another good sign. She decided not to extend the misery. She wished she could have done some grand gesture , and of course, get down on one knee. This hospital was going to have to do. 

“Shelby, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up next to you. What I really want to ask was will you marry me?” Toni said looking at Shelby expectantly, and holding the ring box open up to her.

She had done it.

The question was out in the universe and it was all up to Shelby now. She had never felt more nervous in her life. She was waiting on one single word to make her the luckiest woman on earth. 

A brilliant smile spread across Shelby’s face. “Yes 100 times yes.”


	15. Chapter 15

Shelby had thought the ring was beautiful in the box, but she had no idea how beautiful it would look on her finger. She couldn’t stop staring at it, she couldn’t stop looking at the different ways it hit the light. Toni had fallen asleep shortly after the big moment, that was a lot of talking and excitement for her. Shelby was glad though because it gave her even more time to just admire the ring. She had already even taken a few selfies with the ring and was picking the perfect one for her Instagram post.

She was engaged. She wasn’t going to be alone for the rest of her life. She had found her person, the person she wanted to encounter all the ups and downs of life with. She wanted to have Toni trying to get frisky with her in a nursing home. She hadn’t let herself dream of a family before but maybe even eventually a family with Toni. Maybe they could foster, give kids a better foster experience than Toni had had.

Shelby was so busy staring at the ring on her finger, completely lost in visions of their future, that she didn’t notice that Toni was stirring beside her.

“Don’t stare a hole in it, it was fucking expensive.” Toni teased.

Shelby looked up and smiled. “You’re awake. And it is just so perfect. So perfect. I can’t help staring at it. She really couldn’t stop looking at it, analyzing it, and she knew she was gushing but Toni just smirked at her.

“Come here, fiancé.” Toni said moving over and patting the bed next to her.

“No, I don’t want to hurt you.” Shelby said, she also didn’t want to get in trouble and not be allowed to visit. She would be lying though if she said she didn’t crave the warmth of Toni’s body next to hers. The comfort after all those weeks of miscommunication and hurt feeling to go back to what had also brought them back to each other, physical closeness. She had never experienced that phenomena with anyone or anything else, just being physically close to Toni, centered her like nothing else ever had.

“You won’t, there’s plenty of room.” Toni said in her sleepy deliberate voice, trying not to move her jaw.

Shelby couldn’t resist any more, she carefully climbed in next to her and was so scared of hurting Toni that she tried to keep some space between them but Toni was not having it and pulled her closer. The relief and peace of being in Toni’s arms again washed over her. How had she given that up? How had she gone so long without so much as talking to her. Shelby shook her head, “Toni I’m so sorry I left.” Shelby whispered as she cuddled in close.

“Hush, I am sorry that I pushed you away.” Toni answered kissing her forehead. Her hand rested on Shelby’s waist. “I don’t like this jumpsuit.” Toni whispered.

Ouch, that hurt she thought, looking down at her jumpsuit, she had loved the green color and thought it fit nicely. “You look hot but I have no easy access.” Toni said playfully.

Shelby laughed and slapped her hand away. “We are in a hospital Ms. Shalifoe, that is inappropriate.”

“That is the least inappropriate thought in my head right now.” Toni said as she let her eyes scan Shelby’s body and licked her lips. Two years later and it still made Shelby’s heart race when Toni undressed her with her eyes like that. It made her feel so beautiful, sexy, powerful.

She leaned in and whispered, “So I guess I shouldn’t tell you that when I went back to the hotel and took a shower, I may have slowly took one finger…” Shelby started, she knew how much it had always turned Toni on when she talked dirty.

Knock Knock

“Fuck,” Toni said and Shelby laughed as she moved to get out of the bed, Toni held onto her arm so she stayed in the bed but sat up as Officer Connors came into the room.

“I had to come in and speak with the legend herself once I heard you were awake. I’m Officer Connors but you can call me Sean.” Officer Connors said holding his hand out.

“Toni” she said as she shook hands, smiling that silly cocky grin that Shelby had fallen in love with so far away on that deserted island.

“Sean, please do not make her head any bigger than it already is,” Shelby said and rolled her eyes.

“Has she not told you how she protected her debit card from the perps? Legendary.”

“Where no man has gone before.” Toni said and then whispered, “but you have.” Shelby turned beet red.

“The doctors had quite a surprise when they did your exam, but it worked, does not appear that any of your accounts have been compromised. The detectives are going to want to talk to you though when you are feeling up to it.” Officer Connors said. 

“My mom?” Toni said, the fire of disgust burning in her eyes as she said that last word.

“Still have not located her, part of the reason we are still going to be hanging out outside your room for a bit.”

“I’m ready,” Toni said setting her jaw. Shelby knew how badly Toni needed them to catch Christina. She also knew how much talking this much hurt her jaw and if her experience with the detectives was any indication it was going to be a ton of talking.

“Are you sure, shouldn’t you give your jaw a rest?” Shelby said softly, knowing better than to push too hard on something that mattered this much to her.

“Give me your phone. Hurts too much, I’ll type.” Toni said as she reached her hand out for the phone. Shelby couldn’t help but surrender, she had really thought of everything.

“Alright, I will let them know, it was good to meet you Toni.” Officer Connors said as he left the room.

“Tell me about her?” Toni asked as soon as Sean left, holding up Shelby’s phone displaying a picture of her and Jessa. Goodness that had felt like a year ago instead of less than a week. She remembered how she knew she was playing with fire, flirting with someone who obviously wanted more, wanting to make Toni jealous but not too jealous. All that was out the window, she was hers now, no space, no break, the ring on her finger to prove it.

“That’s why you wanted my phone? Jealous much? Shelby said elbowing her in the ribs and immediately regretted it the second she saw the pain flood Toni’s face. “Ahhhh I’m so sorry, I forgot, I’m sorry.”

“Trying to take me out Goodkind? That just means you will have to kiss it better later. And yes, I was definitely jealous as fuck.” Toni whispered.

“It’s kind of sexy.” Shelby said as she got up and hop out of the bed.

She knew Toni would pout but she knew she would need some space when the detectives came in. She wasn’t sure she could handle walking through what happened to Toni, at least not yet. With all the engagement excitement she had been able to push the reality out of her head that her fiancé had been beaten so severely she was in a hospital bed. Even thinking about it made her shiver. She had tried really hard to forget about the burns, she wouldn’t let herself think about what they had done to her to cause those burns.

“Hey Shel, you don’t have to be here for this if you don’t want to be, for real.” Toni said as she watched Shelby nervously paced the room, fingering the cross Toni had bought her.

“No, I’m g-o-o-d good.” Shelby said, meeting Toni’s eyes and knew she saw right through her.

“Before they come in, I will tell you that Christina was there the whole time, watching. That’s all you need to hear; you don’t need the details. Not right now.” Toni said squaring her jaw talking about Christina. Shelby’s heart dropped; how could anyone watch a child they brought into the world be beaten like that. Shelby really hoped she never saw Christina again because she doesn’t think she could be held responsible for what she would do.

"Babe, go take a break." Toni said imploring her with her eyes as the detectives walked into the room. Shelby knew she had met them but she had no idea of their names. She hesitated, was it better to know exactly what happened detail by detail or not know and imagine what happened? 

She wanted to know but she didn't think she could handle it right now. She wanted to hold onto the high of the beautiful ring on her finger a little bit longer. 


	16. Chapter 16

Toni was sitting up in the bed as Marti French braided her hair and Fatin was participating in her new favorite hobby, reading from the wedding planning websites to freak Toni out. “What should I read now, _The Complete Guide to Engagement Parties, The Ultimate Guide to Wedding Seating Charts,_ or _Top 7 Wedding Colors of the Year.”_

“How about you read Fuck off Fatin,” Toni said shooting the double bird at Fatin.

“What’s the difference between Complete and Ultimate?” Marti asked.

“Who knows Marti, its all bullshit to perpetuate the mass consumerism of the capitalist patriarchy.” Toni explained.

“Sounds like the broom wants to hear all about engagement parties.” Fatin announced into her cellphone.

“What the fuck did you just call me?” Toni asked incredulously.

“A broom, it’s a mixture of bride and groom, Shelby’s the bride, you’re the broom.” Fatin said earnestly.

“Wait, why am I the broom?” Toni asked, feigning offense.

“You really have to ask, Ms. These are my Good Basketball Shorts Shalifoe?” Fatin said, batting her eyelashes at Toni. “Whether you're planning an engagement party or recently engaged yourself, we're guessing you have a few questions about this pre wedding bash. At the end of the day, an engagement party is exactly what it sounds like: a party to celebrate the engaged couple and their upcoming wedding. Think of it as the official kick off to your wedding festivities—the first of many chances to raise a glass to the soonlyweds, ” Fatin continued.

“Soonlyweds? Do these fuckers just create their own language?” Toni scoffed.

“Aww are we reading wedding stuff? Soonlyweds, that’s us, so cute!” Shelby said as she walked in the room.

“Really babe, don’t encourage her.” Toni said as she smiled and pointed to her lips.

“PDA, our cue to leave, let’s go get some food Marti, leave these soonlyweds be. Kisses.” Fatin said hopping up and blowing kisses as she slung her arm around Marti.

“I’m starved. Bye soonlyweds.” Marti said waving behind her.

“Come on.. that is not going to be a thing.” Toni yelled after them.

“Oh, it so is. And I for one think its adorable.” Shelby said as she climbed up into bed. Toni snuggled in close, her head on Shelby’s shoulder. She always smelled so good.

“Hi you.” Toni said as she put her hand on Shelby’s cheek and kissed her softly, chaste kisses were pretty much all she had been able to do since they wired her jaw shut a week ago. She was dying to have some time alone, really alone, not hospital alone, with Shelby. She tried to think back to when the last time they had had sex, it was over a month ago, a few nights before Christina ricocheted back into her life and it hadn’t been anything special, just her going down on Shelby after dinner. To be fair, they had gotten into a bit of a routine in that department, not anymore more though, Toni would make sure of that. After being forced to be celibate for a month, she was not going to take the ability to be with her fiancée for granted.

“Whatcha thinking about babe?” Shelby asked intertwining her fingers in with Toni’s.

Toni chortled, “You don’t want to know.”

“Try me.” Shelby said, that glint in her eyes that Toni loved and all it really made her want to do was pull off the leggings she was wearing and fuck her to high heaven.

“Well currently I was thinking how vanilla the last time we had sex was and all the things that I wanna do to that sexy fucking body of yours the next time I get a chance.” Toni whispered biting her lower lip.

“Oh yeah? Well, a little experimentation never hurt anyone right?” Shelby said smiling one of Toni’s favorite smiles, it was one of the naughty ones. Man, this girl, Toni did not know how much longer she could take this.

“Fuck, why are you so hot. This is killing me ma. When do they unlock my fucking jaw again?”

“Only about 5 more weeks, give or take.” Shelby said softly.

“Only. Fuck.” Toni went to slam her hand against the bed rail but before it hit Shelby grabbed it.

“No ma’am. None of that. There are still plenty of things we can do, weren’t you just talking about fancying a little more… creativity?” Shelby said as she led Toni’s free hand to rest right under her sweater.

“Creativity? I like the sound of that. What are we thinking, a little roleplay?” Toni asked her eye brows raised

“I think that’s a good place to start, maybe we can do a little naughty shopping? Some lingerie? Handcuffs? ” Shelby giggled. Damn, this girl still managed to surprise her every day. She still could not believe her luck that she was going to get to be surprised by her for the rest of her life.

“Shopping huh? Shopping is not my jam typically but I could make an exception.” Toni teased.

“Oh, you will want to make an exception for this shopping, I promise. We haven’t really had a chance to have a lot of fun with this money yet, at least not together.” Shelby smiled softly.

“Facts. I have catching up to do. And I’d rather you have fun with me than what was her name again?” Toni said.

“Jessa. Are you ever going to let me live that down?” Shelby said and Toni could hear a touch of exasperation in her voice.

“Nah Shel, its not like that, we just have never actually talked about it, just joked or teased about it.” Toni said, she hated being vulnerable like that but she trusted Shelby and she knew that if she had been that open and honest when Christina showed up, maybe things would have turned out differently.

“That’s a good point, you are right. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. I was frustrated and hurt, and it was nice to have someone pay me attention. Even before you asked for space, I didn’t feel like you were paying attention.” Shelby said looking down at her hands.

“Nah babe don’t do that, you aren’t wrong. I let Christina coming back mess me up. Growing up I never had anyone but her so I didn’t know how to make room for both of you, so I pushed you away. And that’s on me. All you did was give me the space I had asked for and as soon as I did, I didn’t want it anymore. I am glad we are talking about it though.” Toni had never allowed herself to be this transparent with anyone, not Regan, not Marti. It was terrifying to put it all out there not knowing how the other person would react. She trusted Shelby but it was still so foreign for her to put everything she was feeling into words.

“You are? I felt you push me away and rather than push back, I took it personally. I was so focused on how hurt I felt, I lost sight of everything that you were going through. Jessa was a bartender that we met at a bar our first night in New Zealand. I gave her my number when I was drunk. The next day she invited us out. We danced, and yes flirted. Before she left, she did ask if I would want to hang out again while we were still in Queenstown.” Shelby continued.

“And did you say yes?” Toni asked, it felt good to finally hear what had actually happened and it was so much less than what she had concocted in her head.

“I had told her to text me, I didn’t say yes, but I also didn’t say no. I knew she was interested, and that felt good. I also knew that no matter what space or break we were on, my feelings for you are too strong to even consider anything with any one else. She was a distraction. I spent the whole trip trying to find distractions from wanting to talk to you.” Shelby explained.

“But you never did, not so much as a drunk text.” Toni said, letting her voice sound as emotional as she had felt, not hearing anything from Shelby at all.

“That’s because I had a strategy for that, whenever I got drunk and felt the urge to text, I gave Dot my phone to hold the rest of the night.” Shelby confessed. Toni felt some of the tension release, knowing that Shelby had at least wanted to talk to her and had taken steps to stop herself oddly made herself better.

“That is actually comforting, I had myself convinced you had no desire to contact me at all, that you weren’t thinking of me at all.” Toni stated, she figured no need to stop being honest now while they were laying everything out on the table.

“Toni,” Shelby said, taking her head in her hands now, “nothing could have been further than the truth. Ever single picture, story anything I posted was with the intention of you seeing. I even purposely wore shirts that I knew you would like because they made the girls look good.” Shelby blushed smiling as she stared into Toni’s face. Toni couldn’t help but smiling and looking down at the Shelby’s chest now.

“They always look good babe, always.” Toni said as she kissed Shelby softly.

“So while we are talking like this, which has been nice, there is another thing I think we need to talk about, “ Shelby said softly. Uh oh, Toni tried to search her brain and couldn’t help getting a little nervous.

“Yeah babe?” Toni asked.

“Where we are going to live. Dr. Gingrich said you should be out of here in a few days, and I don’t know about you but I really don’t want to go back to that apartment. Mrs. Blackburn and my mom have offered to help clean it out but she’s got to get back home on Sunday. My brother and sister can only handle being at Gramma Mary’s house for so long. I wasn’t sure what you wanted to do?” Shelby asked hesitantly.

Toni breathed a sigh of relief that Shelby had been thinking about it too and that she didn’t want to go back to that apartment either. The truth was that Toni had been dreading telling Shelby that she didn’t think she could set foot in that apartment. She had no idea how long she laid on that floor thinking at she would never see Shelby again, but it was long enough that that is all she would be able to think about if she went back there. That and the fact that they had still not located Christina. The truth was Toni had been thinking about it and now that Marti was better and doing so well, there was no reason to stay here.

“I want to get out of here. Minnesota will always be where I lived with Christina and I where this happened. I want to put whatever we want to keep in storage and I want to take you around the world. I actually asked Dr. Gingrich yesterday and he said I needed to stay stateside for the next few months, at least under my jaw was good and they could take this cast off, but I would be able to transfer my care to whatever hospital I chose.” Toni admitted, it felt so nice to finally get the fear of having to go back to that apartment out of her mind.

Shelby smiled, “I’m so glad you asked, and I am so ready. Where are you thinking, maybe somewhere warmer?”

“I want to make the decision together, I have thought of a few options, but I want you to think of a few options too.” Toni said. It mattered to her that where they decided to start this next phase of their lives together was a joint decision.

“Toni Shalifoe, that sounds suspiciously like a game. I must be rubbing off on you.” Shelby laughed.

“Babe can you avoid saying the word rubbing until I am out of this hospital bed and can actually rub up on you.” Toni said sticking her tongue.

“You make everything dirty.” Shelby teased playfully. She wasn’t wrong, right now Toni felt like a horny 15-year-old boy, all she wanted was to get in Shelby’s pants, she could not wait to get out of this hospital bed.

“Says the girl who suggested buying handcuffs earlier.” Toni said as they both giggled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Article titles are real articles on The Knot website. Article snippet Fatin reads is from The Complete Guide to Engagement Parties on the Knot website.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty much straight up smut.
> 
> If that’s not your thing the only really stuff relevant to the plot is at the very beginning and the end if you wanna skin.

Shelby ran the brush through her hair a few more times.

“Your hair looks perfect and our stuff is moved out to our new room. Your love nest is complete.” Fatin said smiling.

“I just want it to be perfect for her to come back to.” Shelby said examining her outfit in the mirror. She had on a bright pink long sleeve dress that hit right above her knees, she knew she was going to be freezing the one block walk from the hospital to the hotel. They had decided to stay in the hotel for a few days and then start their road trip to the place they were renting in Galveston.

The negotiations for deciding where they would go next were surprisingly easy. They both wanted to be somewhere warmer and Galveston was only an hour away from Shelby’s mom and younger siblings and from the hospitals in Houston for Toni’s follow up care. They were able to find a rental right on the beach.

Their relationship started on a beach and now they were moving back to the beach. The plan was to stay there until Toni was given a clean bill of health and then take off to meet up with Fatin, Leah and Dot wherever they were in the world.

“You mean you want it to be perfect so you can fuck like bunnies.” Fatin said

“Bow Chicka Wow Wow, ” Dottie said in the background.

Shelby blushed the same color as her dress “No, of course not.” Shelby laughed.

Shelby’s phone buzzed, they were wheeling Toni down now, time to go get her fiancé. She was almost as nervous as she was when she flew up here to see Toni for the first time after the island. Now things were coming full circle, she and Toni were heading to Texas. When she moved to Minnesota two years ago, she never imagined them moving back to her home state.

They started walking and Shelby shivered, she knew this outfit was not the most practical for the one block walk in Minnesota in February. She was happy to get back to the warmer climes her body was used to.

They got to the front door of the hospital with perfect timing Mrs. Blackburn and Martha were walking with the orderly rolling Toni’s wheelchair to the doors as soon as they walked up. Man, she looked good, Shelby could not wait until they got her back to the hotel

Fatin, Leah and Dot helped her walk Toni back, the whole time, she repeated over and over again that she was fine.

“I cannot wait to get that dress on the floor.” Toni whispered.

“La la la,” Fatin singed.

“Yeah we definitely heard that bro.” Dot said

“I’m just glad our new room is on a different floor.” Leah laughed.

“Probably smart,” Toni nodded. Shelby couldn’t help but be embarrassed and turned on at the same time with their business being out in the open.

They finally got to the door of their suite, alone. Toni stood behind her, she could feel her breath on her neck, her non-casted arm wrapped around her waist.

“Hurry up.” Toni whispered as she planted kisses down her neck.

“You are making it difficult to concentrate ma’am. Patience is a virtue.” Shelby joked as she finally got the door open.

“Fuck patience.” Toni said as the door swung open.

As soon as they got inside the door Toni had managed to spin her around against the door slamming it shut a little louder than she meant to. As soon as the door was shut Toni had her good hand pulling the zipper of the dress down.

As the dress started to come down, Toni made a low whistle as she discovered the surprise Shelby had been so excited to reveal. Toni pulled the dress up over Shelby’s head as quickly as she could and took a step back and she threw the dress on the floor next to the bag of her stuff from the hospital that had also been abandoned in the doorway.

“Fuck me.” Toni said her hand on her mouth. Shelby smiled a huge grin, her late-night internet shopping had paid off. She had ordered a bright red lacy teddy. She spun around letting Toni see the full effect.

“You like?” Shelby said knowing the answer by the fiery look in Toni’s eyes.

“You have no fucking idea. Damn ma.” Toni said and Shelby loved how Toni could not take her eyes off of her. 

“Come on, let me show you the bed.” Shelby said as she grabbed Toni’s hand.

“Mmm hmm.” Toni said still letting her eyes scan all over Shelby’s body as she let Shelby lead her into the bedroom in the suite. Shelby loved the way Toni was looking at her, it reminded her of the first needy nights on the island. It turned her on so much to know how much Toni wanted her right now.

Shelby had gotten extra pillows from housekeeping and had set them up so that Toni could sit up against them, she wanted to make sure Toni was as comfortable as possible.

“Sit down,” Shelby ordered as she went to press play on her phone, she had created a Spotify playlist for this very moment.

“First class seat on my lap girl…” as Jason Derulo’s Talk Dirty to me started playing out of the Bluetooth speaker.

“Get over here.” Toni said.

“Not yet.” Shelby said as she started dancing to the music letting her body just move to the beat, stayed right outside of Toni’s reach. She bent over and shook her booty right in front of Toni and when she reached out to grab her Shelby swatted her hand away.

“You can look but no touching.” Shelby said as moved just out of reach turning around and pulling one of the straps of the teddy down slowly till just before her nipple was exposed and then pulling it back up.

“Fuck, you are really going to tease me like this?” Damn.” Toni whined and Shelby laughed, this is exactly the reaction she had been hoping for. The song changed to “Big Booty” and she concentrated on shaking her ass right out of Toni’s reach, she knew how crazy she was making her. Toni had always enjoyed watched her ass when she was dancing so she was loving putting on a show.

“Okay get that fucking ass over here.” Toni said the desire burning in those dark brown eyes.

“Not yet,” Shelby teased as she took her hair tie out and let her hair fall over her shoulders and shook her shoulder and let both of the straps of the teddy fall and she immediately put her hands over her breasts as they were exposed.

“Move those fucking hands.” Toni said, Shelby could hear her breath getting quicker and Toni’s voice was getting huskier like it always did when she got really turned on.

Shelby shook her head as she continued dancing slowly concentrating on every muscle movement, Toni’s eyes following her every move. She had never felt sexier or more powerful. She took one hand slowly off one breast rolling her nipple a little as she moved it. She moved that hand down between her legs rubbing on the outside of the lace crotch of the teddy. She heard a low moan escape from Toni.

“Babe for real, I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Let me touch you.” Toni pleaded, her voice sounding even more desperate than it had before.

Shelby shook her head; she was having so much fun. She took a small step closer and took her other hand off her slowly revealing her other nipple. She shook her tits and moved closer and closer to Toni. “Look, no touching, you touch I move away.” Shelby warned as leaned in so she her breasts were inches from Toni’s face.

“Fucccck,” Toni exclaimed as she Shelby could see the effort she was putting into to not reaching out and grabbing her breasts.

“This is so unfair babe, please.” Toni begged.

Shelby climbed up on the bed so she was kneeling in front of Toni still moving to the best of the music. “Tell me what you want.” Shelby said.

“I want you to get your ass over here so I can fuck you.” Toni said huskily.

“That’s what you want? You sure?” Shelby teased knowing how crazy she was driving Toni right now.

“Oh, I’m fucking sure.” Toni said her breath getting deeper.

Shelby was so turned on thinking about finally feeling Toni inside of her, teasing her had turned on her even more than she had even anticipated. She let one hand go slowly down her stomach, her eyes locked with Toni’s until Toni broke the gaze to watch her hand slowly move the teddy aside and let one finger slow dip into her pussy, then slowly adding another finger to spread herself.

“You sure you can handle it? I’m pretty wet. And you only have one good hand.” Shelby challenged, knowing that questioning her abilities would make Toni go insane.

“Oh I can fucking handle it. Fuck these rules.” Toni said basically tacking her to bed as she giggled. She was wondering how long it would take for Toni to stop listening. Shelby took a sharp inhale as Toni moved the teddy over and immediately felt Toni’s thumb rubbing tiny slow circles on her clit.

“This is what you get for teasing me like that,” Toni teased as Shelby gasped and Toni put 2 fingers immediately inside her. Building a slow rhythm gaining speed until she was moving to the beat of the music. Shelby let her hips move up to meet Toni’s fingers. Her thumb still massaging her clit.

“Oh, my goodness.” Shelby let a long moan escape.

Toni whispered in her ear huskily, “can I put another one in?” Shelby nodded, preparing herself.

She gasped at how good it felt as she felt Toni slow down her rhythm to add another finger.

She loved how considerate Toni always was when they were being intimate, she always checked in and made things were good for Shelby.

Her heart swelled thinking about how much she loved this woman.

However, as Toni picked up speed matching the music again, with all three fingers pumping in and out of her, Shelby stopped be able to concentrate on anything other than that sensation.

Her breath was getting ragged and her hips were continuing to move along with Toni’s fingers.

Shelby reached up and slid her hands up under Toni’s sweatshirt, pulling her close to her, raking her fingers down her back. Toni moaned and picked up the pace as Shelby added a little pressure the next time down, knowing her nails were going to leave a mark and loving it.

“Hold on, babe,” Toni said, her voice low and determined. Shelby held onto Toni’s back as Toni started going at turbo speed and Shelby had to take a sharp intake of breath. All thoughts left her head as she knew she was so close to the edge.

Her legs started shaking as she moaned Toni’s name over and over. She lost control and her whole body started shaking as she felt herself clenching around Toni’s fingers as she stopped pumping and hugged Shelby close to her as she exhaled loud moans of ecstasy.

Shelby collapsed back against the bed, still not being able to form words, trying to catch her breath. She thinks that may be the hardest she’s ever came. The pleasure was still exploding in her body like fireworks.

Toni reached up and pulled her up and Shelby turned so she was laying against her. Toni brought her fingers up to Shelby’s mouth. “Help a girl with her jaw wired shut out,” Toni laughed. Shelby took Toni’s finger into her mouth tasting herself on them and licking them clean. Toni sighing contently.

“So, could I handle it?” Toni teased.

“Oh yeah. That was amazing.” Shelby said sighing, so happy that she could just lay in Toni’s arms and not worry about hospital staff or one of their friends or family come in.

“This is fucking hot.” Toni said, fingering the lace of the teddy on Shelby’s stomach.

“Just one of my new purchases.” Shelby said with a wink.

“Wait there’s more? Lemme see.” Toni said planting kisses on Shelby’s neck.

“Nope you will see them eventually.” Shelby said shaking her head playfully.

“Man, such a tease you are.” Toni said and whispered, “you know exactly how to drive me fucking crazy babe.”

Shelby smiled and leaned back into her. Suddenly a loud noise occurred somewhere in the hallway and Shelby could feel Toni’s whole-body clench and her heart beat speed up.

“It’s okay babe, I think it was just a cart crashing.” Shelby said casually.

“Are you sure? Did we lock the deadbolt?” Toni said as she looked around nervously. Shelby noticed for the first time the panic in her eyes.

“I will go check honey, you stay right here.” Shelby grabbed the robe on the back of the door into the bathroom and went to the door, they hadn’t locked the deadbolt.

She opened the door and looked out, she was right, there was a room service cart that had run into some dishes that the room next door had left too far out in the hallway. She took a deep breath, she had been reading a little bit about PTSD, and knew that a heightened startle response was a common symptom.

She grabbed a bottle of water out of the mini fridge and went back into the bedroom. Toni had her legs drawn up against her, her casted arm laying on top of them and she was gently rocking. Her poor baby girl. Shelby hoped getting out of Minnesota would help ease the fear Toni was experiencing.

She also prayed that the cops would be able to locate Christina quickly so that they could both rest a little easier.

Shelby and Toni had talked to Thomas of their legal team earlier in the week and he was helping them draw up wills. It was such a surreal experience to draw up a will at 20 years old but with the amount of money they had been awarded in the settlement, she knew it smart to make sure they were able to designate beneficiaries.

The detectives had warned Toni that as long Christina thought that she would automatically get the money if something were to happen to Toni, as her next of kin, then Toni was in danger. The move down to Texas could not come any sooner.

Shelby gently climbed not the bed and sat crossed leg directly across from Toni.

“Here babe, have some water. It was just the cart running into dishes. I checked and double checked that the deadbolt is now locked.” Shelby said putting her hands on top of Toni’s good hand and the cast.

Toni looked up into Shelby’s eyes. “You’re sure that’s all it was?”

“I’m sure,” she said as she leaned in and kissed Toni’s forehead. Starting the healing of the physical wounds and getting Toni out of the hospital were only the first steps. She knew they had a long road ahead of them but she had no doubt they could take it all on together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spotify Playlist I listened to as I wrote this and imagined was playing for them was called Stripper Vibes. 
> 
> Thank you so much for all your sweet comments and feedback! They make my day!


	18. Chapter 18

Toni slowly opened her eyes, awakened by the whirr of the blender in the kitchen. She hugged her knees to her chest as rested her head on her cast. She glanced at the kitchen and smiled a slow sleepy smile as she watched Shelby whipping something up in the blender. Toni loved watching her cook, she got this adorable look of concentration on her face.

Shelby had been scouring Pinterest for different milkshake and smoothie recipes that had plenty of protein to make sure that Toni got enough nutrition while her jaw was wired shut. It was in little quiet moments like this that she was so grateful for Shelby.

She had taken on the role of caretaker enthusiastically. She made sure to care for and clean and rebandage the burn on the palm of her left hand every night even though she saw Shelby wince every time she did it.

The first time Shelby undid the bandage and saw the pattern of the burns, she started to cry. Toni had not wanted to share the details of that night with Shelby until she was ready. Seeing the burns on her hand in the shape of the coil of their old apartment’s gas stove of course led to Shelby asking if they held her hand on the burner to try and get her to tell them how to access the money. She nodded and Shelby’s tears fell harder. 

Toni couldn’t help it, the combination of Shelby crying, remembering the pain of her hand on the burner, and the fear she had felt that they were not going to stop torturing her until she gave them the information, they wanted made her start to cry as well. So, they had just sat there like that for a while, both of them crying, Shelby holding Toni’s burnt hand in hers.

“Good morning fiancé, that’s still just so fun to say,” Shelby beamed as came into the bedroom carrying a frozen brown drink, “this morning’s coffee comes in the form of a chocolate coffee protein milkshake.” She said handing it over to Toni and climbing up next to her on the bed.

“Thanks babe,” Toni said leaning in to kiss Shelby on the cheek. Toni took a big sip of the milkshake, hoping the coffee would give her the courage to say what she needed to say next.

They were leaving on their road trip down to Galveston tomorrow, which meant that she had procrastinated long enough. There was something she wanted to do before she left but she wasn’t sure how to bring the topic up to Shelby and how she would feel about it.

“Shel? There’s something I wanted to do today before we leave. Do you remember me mentioning my ex? Regan?” Toni asked, she was so nervous that Shelby would think her wanting to see Regan was about something more than what it was.

Shelby nodded; Toni could see the confused look on her face.

“Well, you know, there weren’t a lot of people on my side ya know? The Blackburns of course, but also I um don’t know if I told you, but I uh,” Toni could feel herself stammering like an idiot. She just needed to say, to try and make Shelby understand why this was something she needed to do. “Well when we were together Regan’s parents took me in. I lived there for a few months to get out of the shitty foster I was in at the time. They didn’t have to do that. I was so angry when everything blew up that I broke the back window of Regan’s car. They had been nothing but kind to me and that’s how I paid them back. I wasn’t in a position or a mindset to thank them back then. But I am now. I want to give some money to Regan and her family. To thank them for trying to help when they didn’t have to.” Toni had been casting her gaze down at the bed, scared to meet Shelby’s eyes to see her reaction. As she finished speaking, she raised her gaze and let out a huge sigh of relief when she saw Shelby smiling and nodding.

“I think that’s really sweet of you, I don’t have a problem with you seeing Regan. I know where we stand. I mean you did put a ring on it after all.” Shelby said waving her left hand imitating the Single Girls video.

“You amaze me.” Toni said, leaning in and kissing Shelby. “I don’t even know if she’ll respond, I didn’t want to reach out to her until I checked in with you.”

“You don’t need my permission,” Shelby responded.

“I know I don’t, but your feelings matter to me.” Toni said and she genuinely meant it. “I’m going to see if she can meet me this afternoon so that we can be sure to get over to the Blackburns before our going away dinner.”

“Okay honey, sounds good, I’m so excited for a good home cooked meal. Nothing beats Mrs. Blackburn’s cooking.” Shelby said.

“Yeah… me too.” Toni said sarcastically as she took another sip of the coffee shake.

“Ugh I am so sorry; I keep putting my foot in my mouth. I’m sure she’ll make you a yummy shake.” Shelby said as she peppered kisses all over Toni’s face and neck. “Does this help make up for it?”

“It’s a start.” Toni said teasingly.

Toni wasn’t sure what to expect, she and Regan had lost touch before the island. Toni had grown up a lot in the last few years she assumed Regan had too. Toni took a deep breath as Shelby pulled up outside the Coffee Shop and grabbed the card.

“Alright babe, thanks again for being so understanding about this. I love you.” Toni said as she leaned over for a quick kiss before she got out the car.

She shivered in the Minnesota February air, pulling her jacket tighter. She saw Regan in the window before she got to the door. She looked good but the pain and anger that Toni used to feel when she saw her was gone. Regan caught her eye and smiled as she pulled the door open with her good hand. Toni nodded to her as she went to the counter to grab a coffee.

“Hey Regan,” Toni said as she walked up to the table.

“Hey, still fighting I see,” Regan said taking in the cast and bandages and her swollen face.

Of course, Regan would assume it was from a fight, that was her history after all. And Toni had fought back but this was different, she hadn’t started this one. She didn’t feel the need to explain herself this time though.

“Something like that. It’s good to see you. “ Toni said as they sat down.

“I was really surprised when I got your message, shocked actually. I didn’t realize you were still in the area.” Regan said.

“Well after tomorrow I won’t be. My fiancé and I are moving to Texas, closer to her family.” Toni said.

“Fiance, wow! Congratulations.” Regan said

“How about you? What are you up to?” Toni asked taking a sip of the coffee.

“I’m alright, working, hoping to save up and take some community college classes. I’m seeing someone but its still super new, only been a few weeks.” Regan said.

“Very cool, I was in school but we’re taking a break, Shelby and I. We’re going to travel a little bit.” Toni said.

“So uh, I mean it’s nice to catch up but why did you want to meet? Why now?” Regan asked. She always did like to get right to the point. Toni didn’t even know how to begin to say everything she wanted to express.

“I wanted to apologize first of all. I was dealing with a lot of crap and you ended up on the receiving end, that wasn’t fair. I’m sorry for that. I also wanted to thank you and your parents. You took me in and were in my corner when not a lot of people were. I can’t explain how much that mattered.” Toni said.

“I hate that things ended the way they did but it wasn’t all bad.” Regan responded.

“Exactly, we had a lot of fun.” Toni said smiling at her first love, grateful for the lessons she learned and so grateful that those lessons helped lead her to her forever love waiting for her in the car.

“Tell me about fiancé, Shelby you said?” Regan asked and Toni settled in, always happy to get to talk about her favorite subject. They chatted for about an hour, Toni felt the initial awkwardness fade away and conversation flowed like they were 16 again.

“I should probably get going, Shelby’s waiting for me, I can’t really drive,” Toni explained holding up the cast. “I wanted to give you and your parents this, Toni handed the card to Regan, don’t open it now. I am in a position now where I can try to thank the people who had my back when no one else did.”

“You didn’t have to do that; we were happy to get you out of that mess.” Regan said. Toni had been so nervous about seeing Regan again, about what feelings it would stir up. All that worry was unfounded, it was nice to think of the fond memories but there was never any doubt sitting and chatting with her that Regan was part of her past, one of the few bright spots in her rear-view mirror.

They said their goodbyes and Toni was ready to get back to the girl who was her recent past, her present, and her future. 


	19. Chapter 19

Shelby watched Toni walking back to the car, she was smiling, that was a good sign. Shelby understood why Toni wanted to give a gift to Regan and her family but she was still a little apprehensive about her fiancé seeing her first love. She was just glad it was over now. She was excited to head over to the Blackburns for dinner.

She was excited to move back to Texas but she would miss her adopted family and nice cozy dinners. She didn’t even have words to express how grateful she had been for the hospitality of the Blackburns over the last two years. She knew when she had met Martha on the plane that they would be important to each other but she had no idea how important.

She never regretted moving to Minnesota but after graduation, not having the comradery of the dorms any longer, Shelby had really struggled with homesickness and lack of a sense of community. The Blackburns welcoming her into their lives and routines had made all the difference.

She was excited they would be close to her mom, but not too close. She also really wanted to make sure she and Toni worked on building a community of their own. She had never had a lot of fellow queer friends, she had been friendly with the folx that lived at Toni’s group home in high school but not close. They would always have the Unsinkables but she was excited for them to start over and hopefully make some friends in their new town. While waiting for Toni she had perused some Facebook groups for LQBTQIA Galveston and did some research on where they were headed.

“Hey you,” Toni said sliding into the car, immediately tucking her legs up under her. Shelby smiled, she treasured how Toni folded herself into spaces, she found it so endearing.

“Hey, how was it?” Shelby asked as she started the car. She welcomed how Toni always reached for her hand when they were in the car, even now when they just entailed her rested her burnt hand on Shelby’s hand. Shelby’s blood still boiled thinking about Toni’s hand being forced onto the burner.

“It was cool, it was weird to see her but not in the way I thought it might be. It felt nice to close that door on better terms than before. Does that make sense?” Toni asked.

“Yeah, it does,” Shelby said smiling as she pulled out of the parking lot heading over to the Blackburns.

“What’s that smile for?” Toni asked

“You just amaze me, you care so much about people and doing right by them. Reason 134 that I love you.” Shelby said stealing a glance over at Toni while at the red light.

“Reason 134? What’s reason 1?” Toni asked playfully.

“Your boobs, totally your boobs.” Shelby said sticking her tongue out.

Shelby pulled onto the Blackburns street and immediately got a weird feeling. Her mom used to tease her when she was a kid that she had a sixth sense about things because she seemed to anticipate a lot of things that happened. She shook her head; she was just being paranoid.

She pulled up behind Edwin’s truck and they went to get out of the car. She was so glad Mrs. Blackburn had decided to throw this little get together before they left. Leah, Fatin, and Dot were going to be here too before they headed back to New Zealand since they had barely gotten to explore.

Shelby thought there would be a tinge of jealously of not being able to go with them, but there wasn’t. She knew now that she wanted to be wherever Toni was. It helped that she knew she and Toni would be meeting up with them eventually, once her girl was back to 100 percent.

“Toni! Sweet girl.” Shelby’s heart stopped.

Christina.

She looked over at Toni, who was frozen in place, panic and anger written all over her face, She could see every muscle in her slim frame tensed, the muscles in her neck so tense they were pulsing.

Shelby immediately reached into her purse pretending to look for something before closing the car door, she texted Martha.

“Call 911 NOW, tell them Christina is at your house. I’m going to buy time.” She just prayed Martha was near her phone. She knew that was hit or miss when she was at her mom’s house with her family and Edwin and the Unsinkables being there.

Shelby grabbed her purse and shut the door; she had a plan but Toni was not going to like it.

“Get the fuck away from me you psycho bitch.” Toni spat as Christina came into view out from behind a tree in the Blackburns’ next door neighbors drive.

“You’re hurt.” Christina said seeing Toni’s arm.

Was Christina legitimately crazy? Shelby was wracking her brain trying to figure out how someone could possibly not remember coordinating and then watching her only child being beaten and tortured all for the sake of money.

“Of course, I’m fucking hurt, your goons broke my fucking arm. C’mon Shelby let’s go.” Toni said stuffing her hands into the pocket of her coat.

“You weren’t supposed to get hurt. I was messed up, but I’ve been clean for 3 days. Please I want to talk.”

“Fuck that and fuck you.” Toni spat. Shelby could see her rage; it was barely beneath the surface.

Shelby knew what she was about to say was only going to make it worse but she couldn’t risk Christina getting away. She needed to make sure they kept her here until the cops got here. Shelby didn’t dare spook Christina by checking her phone to see if Martha had texted back. She sent up a silent pray that Martha had gotten the message, Shelby’s ears were peeled for the sound of sirens.

“Maybe we should just hear her out.” Shelby said. She could not believe she was saying that, every instinct in her wanted to tear Christina limb for limb for what she had allowed to happen to Toni. Really for all the hurt and pain she had caused this beautiful woman who had survived and grown into an amazingly kind and thoughtful person despite her mother’s neglect and abuse.

“Shelby are you fucking kidding me? She watched them beat me? She watched them hold my hand on a burner, she watched them purposely break my arm. And you want me to hear her out? Whose fucking side are you on?” Toni was crying now and Shelby had to steel herself against it, she knew she was hurting her when she was already breaking. Shelby hated adding to Toni’s pain in any way, but she needed Christina behind bars so they could safely get out of Minnesota.

“Just listen to her.” Shelby said, staring at Toni trying to impart that she had a plan, that there was a reason for this.

The pain and rage staring back scared her, had this been a miscalculation? Had Martha even gotten her message, where the heck were the cops?

Shelby felt her pulse quickening and she started to panic. She and Toni had just recently gotten back to a good place, if this plan didn’t work or she couldn’t make her understand why she did it, she was risking everything. She took a deep breath, fingering her necklace. Please God let this work.

“I need to apologize. I owe some really bad people a lot of money. If I don’t give them the money, they’ll kill me. If you could just give me some money, I’ll leave you alone.” Christina pleaded. This woman was fucking mother of the year, begging her child for money and promising to leave her alone. No hope of a relationship. Shelby was disgusted.

Sirens

Oh, thank God, Martha had gotten her message. She glanced over to the Blackburns and could see people staring out the window.

“This is what you wanted me to fucking listen to Shelby? I am not giving you shit.” Toni screamed tears streaming down her face now. It had been so long since Shelby had seen her this angry, and she hated it, she knows how hard Toni worked to control her anger.

Thankfully the cops pulled up before Christina could realize what was happening. Shelby tried to go over to Toni as they handcuffed Christina. Toni moved away from her, shaking her head. Just give her time, Shelby thought. This was a lot.

“I love you sweet girl.” Christina said as the cops put her in the back seat of the car. Toni slammed the door into the Blackburns as Shelby went to follow her inside.


	20. Chapter 20

Toni went straight to the bathroom as she stormed into the house.

“Hey Toni,” Marti said, she couldn’t stop for Marti.

All she could see was red. Why on Earth would Shelby want her to listen to that woman. Toni was so fucking stupid for ever letting her back into her life to begin with. And she fucking let her see her cry. Toni hated anyone seeing her cry like that. Between Christina only coming to ask her for money and Shelby taking her side, she couldn’t hold back the tears.

What she hated most of all was that there was a part of her that wanted to give Christina the money she needed. She hated that part of her was still the six-year-old that just wanted her mom to love her. The fact that Christina had only come back in order to ask for the money wounded her more than she knew how to handle. 

God, she hated that she still cared about that woman. She loathed the part of her that wanted to tell the cops not to take her away, recant her whole story and give Christina the money.

Shelby had talked a good game in the hospital, talking about how much she hated Christina and she shows up and boom switched is flipped and she wants Toni to fucking listen to her.

Why the fuck did Christina deserve a second of her time? Because her time was worthless, her own mother only wanted her for her money. Money, she hadn’t earned. Money she only got because she had been so fucked up, she got picked for some bullshit social fucking experiment. Everything started from her not being worth a damn.

She stared at herself in the Blackburns mirror, why did she fucking let herself think that things could be different when she wasn’t different, she was still the kid nobody wanted.

Fuck.

She punched the fucking mirror, there was something so satisfying about the glass falling all around her. She didn’t even process that she was at the Blackburns and it wasn’t her mirror to break.

“Hey honey, everything okay in there?” Shelby called at the door. Toni knew that she was going to have to go out in front of everyone and explained what happened. She didn’t know how to handle all the feelings inside.

“I’m fine Shelby. Enjoy your dinner. It’s not like I can eat it anyway.” Toni called out, tears sneaking into her voice.

“Let me in babe,” Shelby said her voice softer. Toni shook her head knowing the Shelby couldn’t see her. Part of her was still so angry that she didn’t want to see Shelby right now but the other part needed her. She hated needed anyone, it never ended well.

The rage had been dissipating since she broke the bathroom mirror, but taking its place was an overwhelming sadness and regret about breaking the Blackburns mirror. She looked down and saw the red on her good hand. What the fuck had she done.

“Please T?” Shelby said softly. Her Shelby, as hurt as she was about Shelby wanting to hear Christina out, Shelby was still the only person she wanted to see right now.

She opened the door and then sat down in the corner away from the glass, immediately going into her comfort position, her knees drawn up against her.

“There’s broken glass.” Toni said as she looked up at Shelby. Seeing the love and concern in Shelby’s face broke the dam holding her tears back and she couldn’t help it. Now that they had started, she wasn’t sure that they would ever stop. She cried for little Toni, just wanting her mother’s love, she cried for middle school Toni, high school Toni. She cried because despite all that, for some impossible unknown reason this woman in front of her loved her.

Shelby came and sat down next to her on the ground and pulled Toni close to her. Being in Shelby’s arm felt like coming home, really the only real home she ever knew. The home she found and chose for herself.

“It’s okay babe, let it out.” Shelby said comfortingly as she ran her hand over Toni’s hair. Her soft hand softly wiping away Toni’s tears.

“Why doesn’t she love me, aren’t moms supposed to automatically love their kids? Why not me? Am I unlovable? ” Toni said leaning into Shelby’s shoulder letting the tears flow even more fiercely now.

“She’s a broken person and she’s sick, she has an addiction and unfortunately it has taken control of everything. It is not you. You are the most lovable.” Shelby said as Toni let the warmth of Shelby’s arm wash over her.

“Is that why you wanted me to hear her out because she has an addiction?” Toni asked softly looking up at Shelby.

“Oh, hell no, I didn’t want you to hear her out. I wanted to get you as far away from her as possible. I just needed to give Martha enough time to call the police and them to get there.” Shelby said.

“Huh? How did you?” Toni asked as she studied this brilliant, beautiful girl. Shelby never took Christina side, she just wanted to get Christina as far away from Toni as possible. When would Toni be able to trust that Shelby was on her side?

She had told Shelby that she trusted her all the way back on that island, their island, but she had no idea then how big trust needed to be, how multi-faceted trust was. Learning to fully and unconditionally trust this woman was a big ask of someone who had learned from experience to never trust anyone.

“I texted Martha as soon as I heard Christina’s voice and then just prayed, she had gotten the message and called the police. Then I just realized we needed to not spook her so that the cops could get here.”

Toni was in awe of Shelby’s forethought. When Toni had heard Christina’s voice all she had felt was rage. She had not been capable of formulating any kind of plot or strategy but Shelby had. Toni was so grateful for this woman and she had no earthly idea how she had gotten this lucky. It was incredible how after just a short time in her arms, the rage was simmering now instead of the rolling boil of a few minutes ago.

Toni nuzzled her head into Shelby’s chest.

“Do you think you could sing?” Toni whispered. She loved when Shelby sang to her, she teased her often about her song selection but the truth was, the apartment had felt so silent without Shelby singing in the shower or when she was cooking dinner.

“Of course my love.” Shelby started singing what she knew was one of Toni’s favorites, an old Bill Withers song, “Lovely Day.”

“When I wake up in the mornin' love

And the sunlight hurts my eyes

And somethin' without warnin' love

Bears heavy on my mind

Then I look at you

And the world's alright with me

Just One look at you

And I know its going to be a lovely day. ”

Hearing Shelby singing softly to her made her feel that maybe after everything, there was still hope it could be a lovely day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your feedback and comments, they make me day. Y'all are so sweet!
> 
> Updated 1/20: Ahh hearing Demi Lovato and people across America sing this song tonight as part of the Inauguration celebration was so cool!!


	21. Chapter 21

Shelby quietly slid out of bed, unsetting her alarm so it wouldn’t wake Toni up. Shelby needed coffee, it had been a rough night and she was spent. After Shelby had explained what happened and Toni had managed to calm down, they had enjoyed a nice night at the Blackburns. Dinner was delicious as usual but the conversation and the company was the best part.

They ended up spread throughout the living room laughing and telling stories about Martha and Toni growing up. Some of the stories Shelby had heard before but she didn’t care, after the earlier incident, it was comforting to talk about happy childhood/ teenage memories.

It warmed her heart to see Toni laughing and joking, it was so much better than curled up and crying in the bathroom. Shelby knew it wasn’t very Christian of her but there was a part of her that wished she had gotten a good slap in before Christina was arrested. She tried really hard not to hate anyone but her father and Christina were pretty close to that line.

Instead, she pitied them. They were so broken that they were incapable of loving their own children. And they were missing out on getting to know some pretty amazing young women, if she did say so herself.

Shelby had talked to Leah, Fatin, and Dottie while Toni spent some time alone with the Blackburns, saying goodbye. She knew it was emotional for her, Mrs. Blackburn had been the closest thing Toni had ever had to a mother, a complete contrast to the woman who gave birth to Toni.

When they had gotten back to the hotel after the emotional goodbyes and had gone to bed, Shelby had been awoken a few hours later by Toni screaming in her sleep. She would scream and then whimper and just repeat, “no, no, no,” over and over again. Once she woke her up and comforted her and gotten her back to sleep the cycle would repeat itself in about an hour. Shelby thinks she maybe got 4 hours of sleep in between making sure Toni was okay.

However, today was not a day that she could afford to be exhausted, they were starting their road trip today. But first they had one important piece of business that Shelby was super excited about. Up until this point, other than the beautiful ring on her finger, they had both been pretty conservative with their money.

As they had been preparing to drive to Texas, they talked about which car to take, which car to leave, and Toni had come up with the idea first. “What if we left both, sold them, traded them in, whatever. What if we got a new car, a shared car at least for now?” Toni had said holding up her cast.

Shelby was thrilled by that idea, and took out her phone, “Maybe we could donate our old cars?” She and Toni had talked about being smart with their money but also making sure they donated to causes they both cared about.

“I love that idea, the agency that helped me when I aged out of the system is always looking for cars to give to other foster kids aging out of the system.” Shelby loved how much Toni wanted to help kids that had been in a similar situation to hers.

So, they had planned a pick up for their cars, last step was go and pick out the perfect car to take them on their next journey. Shelby was so ready, she had loved her time in Minnesota but she was ready to get away from the snow.

Mumbles coming from the bed, Toni was especially adorable when she slept, the Chewbacca yawn that she had first heard on the island was a daily reminder of those first heady days of exploring the island and each other.

She climbed into the bed to slip in next to her.

“Morning you.” Shelby said as she kissed down Toni’s neck letting one of her hands travel under the sleeveless basketball shirt she slept in.

“MMM good morning.” Toni said as she tugged at the hem of Shelby’s tank top.

Shelby smiled, leaned back, took off her tank and helped Toni take off her shirt.

Shelby started kissing down to Toni’s chest letting her tongue explore all around her nipple before taking it in her mouth. Toni’s good hand was grabbing one of Shelby’s breasts massaging it and Shelby moaned into Toni’s breast.

Shelby let her hand slide under the waistband of Toni’s shorts, feeling her wetness teasing it with her finger, barely touching her, feeling her breath quickening.

“Damn babe, teasing me first thing in the morning?” Toni said huskily.

Shelby moved her mouth off of Toni’s breast and shimmed down, while she pulled Toni’s shorts down giving herself room to work. She let her breath gently touch Toni’s inner thighs as she planted a kiss or two but mostly let her breath linger.

“MM babe please.” Toni said. Shelby had learned that she loved when Toni begged, Toni had been right though, they had gotten into a routine and had gotten away from changing things up and exploration.

“Tell me what you want.” Shelby directed.

“I want your mouth on me.” Toni said breathily.

“No, tell me exactly what you want.” Shelby whispered. Toni always spent so much time and attention on making sure Shelby was comfortable and getting what she wanted that they had not focused enough on what Toni liked and wanted. Now that they had decided to make an effort to change things up, Shelby was determined to focus on learning everything she could about what Toni liked best.

“I want you put your tongue directly on my clit, now,” Toni said catching onto the game. She took her good hand and pushed Shelby’s head gently into her. Toni had gotten so used to letting Shelby dictate what she was comfortable with and how far they would go that Toni rarely initiated or took control.

“You don’t have to be so gentle; I promise I won’t break. Tell me what you want me to do.”

“Mm I want you to put more pressure on my clit, suck on it. Put two fingers inside of me at the same time.” Toni said, the last bit came out more of a moan as Shelby followed directions. Toni raised her hips up to meet Shelby’s fingers and held onto Shelby’s ponytail wrapping it around her fingers.

“Harder.” Toni said as she was moaning her head falling back and then holding herself up on her casted arm so she could watch Shelby.

“Damn you look so hot right now.” Toni said as Shelby picked up the pace of her mouth and her fingers. She let her tongue explore and lick all around Toni’s vagina. Toni inhaled deeply.

“That do that, fuck, fuck” Toni said as Shelby continued letting her tongue explore on its own. Shelby continued to pump her fingers in and out, slowly down and curling her fingers, before picking up the pace again.

“Clit,” Toni breathed as let out a deep loud moan and put pressure on the back of Shelby’s head. Shelby went back to licking and then sucking on Toni’s clit. Shortly she felt Toni’s whole-body clench and shake as she tightened around Shelby’s fingers.

“Fuuuck.” Toni yelled as she lay back down against the bed. Shelby took her time licking up all of Toni’s wetness letting her tongue dip inside as Toni as well as she could feel her shudder. Toni tugged on Shelby’s hair, to pull her back up. Shelby came up, licked her fingers and then kissed Toni.

“Alright, now that you’re awake, we have to go car shopping! “Shelby said kissing Toni’s forehead and jogging into the shower.

“Seriously babe? Fuck! Get back here!” Toni said as she got up and chased Shelby into the master bathroom as Shelby giggled and started shedding her clothes, stepping into the tub for a shower.

“I’m coming, but I am going to have to keep my casted arm out.” Toni said as she grabbed and squeezed Shelby’s ass and then climbed into shower behind her.

Shelby held Toni’s hand doodling on it with her fingers drawing big and little hearts as they sat outside the hotel waiting for the courtesy car.

“What kind of car are you thinking?” Toni asked.

“I was thinking about an SUV? An Escalade? A Range Rover maybe?” Shelby said.

Toni took a deep breath and shook her head. Did Toni not like SUVs?

“What’s wrong?” Shelby asked

“Nothing really, I don’t know, I just have this weird feeling. I still just can’t imagine this is my life. We had to scrape by and buy old used cars so we could both have a car a year ago. Now we are buying a new car and a one that will probably be worth more than any house I’ve ever lived in. Its just a lot. It still feels surreal. And I can’t help feeling like I don’t deserve it. We didn’t do anything to earn the money ya know? It was just bad luck.”

“Toni, we survived. We survived and we took it as an opportunity to grow and not a setback. That’s an accomplishment.”

“I just feel like having this money, I want to do something real with it. Obviously, I want a car that works and is safe but I feel guilty getting a top end luxury when most people I knew growing up relied on public transportation, rides from friends and their own two feet, it’s dumb, I’m just struggling." Toni explained. 

“It’s not dumb at all.” Shelby said leaning down to kiss Toni’s hand. “It makes sense, we will be smart and just pick out what works for us. No pressure to get anything super expensive. I promise.”

“Okay, thanks, it is just so strange to not be worried about money.” Toni said still seemingly lost in thought. Shelby didn’t know how to help; she knew she would never completely understand what it was like to go from having nothing to never have to worry about money again. She wanted to try and understand, but she didn’t want to push, all she could do for now is listen and reminder her every day that she was worth it.

“We’ve never road tripped together; did you realize that?” Shelby said trying to change the subject, to pull Toni out of her head a little bit.

“I’ve never really been on a road trip. I mean my mom used to drive me out to the lake but that wasn’t very far. Family vacations weren’t ever really a thing.” It still took Shelby by surprise sometimes just how different their childhoods were. Dave and Jo Beth Goodkind packed the kids into the car at 3 times every summer to go to tourist traps throughout Texas and surrounding states. Road trips involved Christian radio sing a longs, Dave’s theological lectures, and stopping to worship at any Mega Church in the area. Shelby had also been on road trips with her youth group but those also involved the same things.

“This will be the first road trip; I’ll be driving and the first road trip where I can control the music.” Shelby said smiling.

“Hold up, who said you could control the music?” Toni teased.

“Isn’t that like a road trip rule? Whoever drives gets to control the music?” Shelby said innocently.

“Um hello? Not quite fair there babe.” Toni said waving her casted arm in front of Shelby as Shelby giggled.

“Well, I’m sure we can negotiate.” Shelby said and winked.

“Ah I see,” Toni leaned in and put her hand high on Shelby’s thigh. Man even just her hand on her thigh turned Shelby on and brought back memories of the morning. Toni whispered in her ear. “I think we do our best negotiating in bed.”

Shelby nodded. Man this girl.

Shelby was trying to not get lost in all the sexy images flooding her head.

“Having trouble getting words there honey?” Toni asked as she slowly moved her hand higher up Shelby’s thigh.

Luckily for Shelby she was saved by the courtesy car from the dealership pulling up at that exact moment.

They were finally almost on the road in their new Bright Green Acura RDX. Neither of them knew much about cars so they had Edwin and Martha meet them. Edwin was so knowledgeable that he helped them decide on the best bang for their buck.

Shelby knew that it hadn’t of been for Toni wanting to be a good steward of their money, Shelby probably would have gotten the nicest car she could get. It was just one of the tiny ways that Toni made Shelby a better person.

She bet that anyone who had met them separately before the island, would have assumed Shelby was the better more moral of the two. Shelby probably would have assumed the same thing, but the reality was that Toi was the most selfless person she had every met. 

“So we’ve talked about music, now we need to address one of the most important part of a road trip. Shelby said as she pulled into the gas station before getting on the interstate.

“Gas?” Toni asked, her legs tucked up under her as always.

“Well yes, but that is the not the most important. Road trip food of course! I’m assuming Takis are on the menu.”

“You know it and of course orange Gatorade. Also, chocolate, lots of chocolate.” Toni replied

“How’d I know. I want some coke, some Chex mix and Reeses too.” Shelby added

“And salt and vinegar potato chips!” Toni said.

“We will feast! We have to make it about 5 hours to Iowa. I found a bed and breakfast owned by a lesbian couple.” Shelby said, she had fun tracking their route and checking for LGBTIA businesses on their route. It was important to her to feel more connected to the community and support the businesses of people like them.

“You are adorable, I am so proud of you. For real Shelby, how far you have come in trying to embrace that part of yourself and the community.” Toni said kissing her on her forehead. Shelby smiled, it hadn’t been an easy road, Toni knew that, and she wasn’t prefect there were still thoughts she had to swat away, still shame that popped up now and again. The reality was though she would always choose happiness over shame and guilt now. She would always choose the woman next to her.


	22. Chapter 22

Toni closed her eyes as she let her arm hang out the window feeling the wind. They were somewhere in South Dakota she was pretty sure. She had drink container spread out around her, she had been sure to stay hydrated.

“Hey there’s a travel stop at the exit coming up. You need to stop?” Shelby asked.

“Nah babe, I’m good.” Toni responded with a yawn.

“You falling asleep on me? Some co-pilot you are.” Shelby teased.

“Nah ma, I’m awake.” Toni lied, she was most certainly not completely awake. She felt bad though since she couldn’t help drive and Shelby had so much driving ahead of her. However, it was not her fault that this car was the comfiest car she had ever been in. She was perfectly content just watched the farms and small towns flying by.

“Okay, game time!” Shelby said enthusiastically. Toni rolled her eyes but she wasn’t surprised, it was only a matter of time.

“Fine, what’re playing?” Toni said sitting up in the seat more and tucking her legs under her, taking a long sip of her coke.

“20 questions?” Shelby proposed.

“Is that even a game? Isn’t that just asking each other fucking questions?” Toni teased.

“Hush. I’ll go first, what is one thing you would never change about yourself?” Shelby asked.

“I’m a badass.” Shelby rolled her eyes. “Nah for real probably my loyalty, I would fuck somebody up for fucking with the people I love.” Toni said, getting quieter, leaning over to plant a kiss on Shelby’s shoulder.

“I agree, what’s something you would never change about me?” Shelby asked.

“I wouldn’t change a thing babe,” Toni said and it was true, even the little things that irritated her she wouldn’t change they were all part of what made Shelby who she was.

“Unacceptable answer, try again.” Shelby responded matter of factly.

“Okay, fine. I would never change that you are a secret freak as I’m beginning to learn.” Toni said suggestively. Well played Toni thought to herself as she noticed the big smile that spread across Shelby’s face. She had no idea how it had taken them two years to just start uncovering that side of each other, but she was so glad that they were starting to. She didn’t care to admit, even to herself, how many hours she had spend lost in naughty thoughts after Shelby brought up naughty shopping. Her mind had gone all sorts of directions, directions she was eager to explore with Shelby.

“What do you look forward to most about growing old together?” Shelby asked and Toni couldn’t help but smile as she noticed Shelby’s eyes glance to the ring on her left hand. 

“All the sex. Years and years of dirty sex.” Toni couldn’t help that her mind had firmly planted itself in the gutter.

Shelby rolled her eyes.

“You make everything dirty. If you could be any animal what would you be?” Shelby asked.

“You are so random Goodkind. I would be a tiger, no one fucks with tigers. I’m going to answer for you, you would be a rabbit. Ask me why.” Toni said winking, she can tell Shelby is trying to keep this conversation clean since they still have a couple hours to drive before they get to Sioux City, their stopping point for the night. That makes her that much more determined to make it as dirty as possible. Now this was a game she could get behind. She loved a challenge.

“Aw why?” Shelby complied.

“Because they are bouncy and like to fuck. You know ‘fuck like bunnies’?” Toni responded as she planted her gaze firmly on Shelby’s chest.

Shelby blushed, “TONI! How did you make even that question dirty?” Shelby asked in shock, shaking her head.

“What can I say, it’s a gift.” Toni said sticking out her tongue.

“Which sense would you choose to lose if you had to pick one?” Shelby asked. Toni was going to have to think about how to spin this one.

“Well it definitely is not taste, ‘cause then I wouldn’t be able to taste you. And it can’t be sight, because have you seen you naked? Yeah.. no. Mmm can’t be touch because I love touching you. I guesss that leaves scent or hearing. I guess I have to go with scent if I have to choose because then I can still hear you sing… and moan.” Toni smiled, she was pleased with herself.

“Ugh, you are the worst. No more of this game!” Shelby said faux frustrated but Toni could see the smile playing on the corner of her lips. Toni smiled, mission accomplished.

Shelby leaned forward and turned up the music, which suited Toni just fine, it was her playlist’s turn. They rode in comfortable silence for a while just listening to the music. The ability to just be with each other and not have to fill every break in conversation, not feel like she had to entertain Shelby or be entertained, was one of the reasons Toni was confident in her decision to marry this girl.

“I need to pee.” Toni announced as she finished her coke.

“Are you serious? I just asked you. I don’t even know where the next exit with stuff is, pretty sure we are in the middle of nowhere.” Shelby teased.

“That was like an hour ago babe, I can’t help it.” Toni said and it was true, she hadn’t needed to be when Shelby asked but she for real needed to pee now. Thinking about it though, Shelby was right, she hadn’t seen an exit in a while that had any stores or gas stations listed. Damn.

They drove about 10 more miles, Toni needing to pee more with every mile. Finally they passed a sign for an exit a few miles ahead that had a gas station listed. It wasn’t a brand that Toni had ever heard of but that didn’t matter since this was slowly becoming an emergency situation.

Except that it did… Shelby pulled off the exit and the only thing they saw was a tiny shack like building with two gas pumps outside. It looked straight out of a horror movie.

“Fuck me. I really have to pee though.” Toni said shaking her head, serves her right for sucking down all that soda.

“Alright, gas is cheap and since we are stopping I’m going to fill up.” Shelby said as she pulled up to one side of the pump.

Toni took in the building again, “do they even have a bathroom?” Toni asked as she looked into what could be considered the store but it really just looked like a few displays of candy and chips.

“Yeah, I think those doors on the outside are the bathrooms.” Shelby said with a grin.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me. Bathroom doors that open to the outside.” If she didn’t really have to pee, there was no way. She grudgingly got out of the car, sneaking glances back at Shelby the whole time, this place just screamed shady. She went to open the door and of course there was a sign that she needed to grab the key at the front desk. Fuck could this get any worse?

Key acquired from the guy behind the counter that she was pretty sure was a wanna be child molester. She opened the door and pulled again on the door. Gross, she never thought she would be nostalgic about peeing on the island.

“I’m pretty sure we need to be checking the internet for a video of me peeing on strangerspee.com or some shit, that was traumatic.” Toni said as she slunk back into the car.

Shelby laughed.

That laugh was one of Toni’s top ten favorite sounds in the world, almost made it worth peeing in the world’s shadiest gas station bathroom worth it.

Almost.

Toni stretched, shit, she must have failed at co pilot and fallen asleep, she had no idea how long she had been out but it was now dark.

“I’m sorry babe, you should have woken me up.” Toni said kissing Shelby’s shoulder again.

“Nah, you looked too cute. Plus, then I could put my playlist on. Wake up though, we are almost to our first stop.”

First stop? What did Shelby have up her sleeve.


	23. Chapter 23

Shelby was so ready to get out of the car, 5 hours didn’t seem like a long time until you spent it behind the wheel. She was so glad they had decided to take the 20 hour drive down to Galveston super slow and spread it out over 4 days. She doubted she would have made it much longer tonight anyway.

She was looking forward to getting to just hang out with Toni. Even before Christina and their fight, life had been so busy she had felt them slowly drifting from each other. Then she had her trip, and then Toni’s injuries. Life had not slowed down for months. She had actually forgotten that Valentines Day was coming up until a few days ago and she had a feeling Toni had forgotten too. She was only a few days out of the hospital.

Once Shelby realized that they were going to be starting their drive to Galveston on Valentine’s Day, she started making plans. She thought back to the heady days on the island, specifically their first kiss. They were vulnerable with each other for the first time that day, she had told Toni about the pressure she felt to be perfect and Toni had told her how the lack of any expectations hurt just as much. She still remembered how overwhelming the desire to kiss her in that moment. One of the things she had said in the lead up to that first kiss had always stuck with her.

“Not that I give a fuck about going to the planetarium.” She knew even back then, how much Toni loved to look at the sky.

Shelby took the exit off the interstate for Sioux City. She loved driving through the country with Toni, she stole glances at her throughout the drive just watching her staring out the window, a small smile on her lips.

“Where are we headed Shel?” Toni asked.

“You’ll see. Do you know today’s date?” Shelby asked teasing.

“No fucking clue, its not your birthday, and its too cold still to be my birthday.” Toni asked.

“February 14.” Shelby said trying to keep a straight face.

“Fuck, I’m sorry Shel, I completely forgot.” Toni said and Shelby couldn’t help but smile at the adorable face Toni made, a mix of a pout and anger.

“I’m kind of glad you forgot.” Shelby says as she turns down the street and the Sioux City Science Center comes into view.

“Why’s that?” Toni asked, perplexed.

“Because that means I get to make it all about you.” Shelby stated, and it was true, the past two years Toni had planned Valentines Day with things for Shelby.

Last year Shelby had woken up to a huge teddy bear holding roses instead of Toni in their bed and they had spent the whole day watching her favorite sappy movies that she normally couldn’t pay Toni to watch. Then Toni had made reservations at a really nice restaurant that cost too much but she knew Shelby would like. Their life being as crazy as it was at the moment had given Shelby an opportunity to plan the day for Toni for once.

“Shelby Goodkind, are you taking me on a field trip to the fucking Planetarium?” Toni asked as the Science Center of Iowa came up into view and Shelby registered the humungous smile that lit up the car as a win.

“I can’t believe you fucking remember that conversation.” Toni continued.

“Of course, it was right before my last first kiss. I remember every second of that afternoon. The way that I couldn’t deny the urge to kiss you any longer, that navy sweatshirt with the gold patches on the sleeves, how your hands on my hips felt.” Shelby reminisced.

“How you did an Olympic quality sprint away from me because I’m such a bad kisser?” Toni teased, still smiling. Two years later and that smile still undid her inside.

“Yeah, that’s why I ran. You’re right. Thank God your skills in that department, have slowly improved. I mean it’s still a work in progress, but solid improvement, I don’t have to run away anymore.” Shelby teased.

“Fuck off.” Toni said but she leaned in and kissed Shelby’s shoulder like she always did when Shelby was driving. It was one of Shelby’s favorite kind of Toni kisses, it felt so intimate and thoughtful, like Toni couldn’t wait to kiss her but she didn’t want to distract her so she would just kiss her shoulder.

In the beginning, she had been obsessed with cataloging all of the different ways Toni kissed her, determined to remember each distinct kind, holding onto them for when it all fell apart. She had gotten out of the habit when she finally let herself think that it might not fall apart.

During their break, she had needed to access the catalog. When the hurt would slowly spiral into anger, she would remember that this was still the same person who kissed her shoulder when she was driving, the same person that rarely left a room without kissing the top of her head.

Shelby pulled into a parking spot, it was pretty crowded, which didn’t surprise her, they were doing a laser show to love songs just for Valentines Day in a few hours. She was going to leave it up to Toni if she wanted to stay for that show. She had wanted to show Toni the planetarium show that was all about the stars.

“I’ve never been to a planetarium. I still can’t believe you fucking remembered.” Toni said softly looking down at her hands on her knees. Shelby’s heart swelled so much in that moment. She reached up and gently took Toni’s chin in her hand, tilting her head up slightly so she could lean across the console and kiss those soft lips she loved so much. Toni was so hard and bristly on the surface that when she revealed soft underbelly, she felt so privileged every time.

“Before we go in, I have something I wanted to give you. Before I do, you have to promise that you won’t wear it if you don’t want to. I’m serious.” Shelby said nervously, she was still unsure if this was a good idea.

“Babe stop, I’m sure whatever it is, I will want to wear it.” Toni said, her voice still the soft loud octave that Shelby knew was reserved for her alone.

“You have to promise though.” Shelby said leaning in and touching Toni’s forehead with hers, staring into her eyes.

“I promise.” Toni said keeping her gaze for a minute and then nuzzling her head into Shelby’s shoulder.

“Okay, so, I have been thinking, I have this beautiful ring to wear, that shows I’m taken, that I’m engaged. And I wanted you to have something to wear too.” Shelby stated nervously as she reached into her pocket.

“You wanted to claim me as your property?” Toni said raising an eyebrow and smirking.

“Stop, no, like I said if you don’t want to wear it, you don’t have to.” Shelby said as she opened the ring box and showed the diamond and sapphire studded ring she had picked out. Toni’s hand had gone to her mouth.

“Shel..”

“It’s okay if you don’t like it, I figured since your birthstone was diamond and mine was sapphire I would get a ring that had both and I tried to make it a style I thought you would wear and..” Shelby rattled on like she always did when she was nervous.

“Babe, I love it. It is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. It’s the second best thing that’s ever been mine.” Toni said leaned in for a kiss but Shelby pulled back.

“Did you just reference Taylor Swift?” Shelby said laughing, she must have been rubbing off on her after all.


	24. Chapter 24

Toni let her mind wander back a few nights to their first night in Iowa. She looked at the beautiful ring on her left ring finger.

Shelby had done so well; it was beautiful and subtle. She understood now why she still caught Shelby staring at the ring on her own hand.

It was such a special feeling that she had no idea that she needed, a constant reminder of the love they shared and more important the promise between them. Toni wasn’t used to people sticking around, this ring proved that Shelby wanted to stick around.

Shelby had surprised her with the Science Center trip, it was so nerdy, but so thoughtful. Toni had more fun than she would have ever imagined playing with all the exhibits but the Planetarium had been the star. The second they walked in, she was amazed, then the show started showing all the stars in the Iowa night sky.

She had wanted to get out of the chair and just lay down on the ground looking up, taking it all in. She wished the show had gone on even longer, she wanted to memorize all of their names so she could remember them later. Watching the stars made all of her issues feel so small, she reached her hand under the armrest and squeezed Shelby’s thigh.

They stayed for the love song show and even if some of the music was lame, the lasers were awesome. She wanted to look everywhere at the same time.

After the planetarium they had pulled up to the Bed and Breakfast and it was one of the coziest houses Toni had ever seen in person. It even had a fucking white picket fence. It looked straight out of the storybooks she had flipped through in the library in elementary school, wishing her life was anything like the lives of the little girls in those books. Their moms and dads were still together and dad came home every day to a waiting dinner Mom had been in the kitchen making all day. Their biggest problems were how much their allowance was going to be or whether they were going to get a kitten or a puppy.

Randi and Monica, the couple that owned the B&B, were cool and Toni had actually enjoyed sitting with them and talking. They had mentioned that they were engaged and Randi and Monica had shared their love story and how they had gotten married shortly after DOMA had been struck down. They had been together 25 years.

Toni would have never been able to even imagine being with someone that long until she met Shelby. She had never seen a relationship that had actually made it, except on tv, and never a relationship that looked like theirs that lasted that long. She enjoyed seeing them interact in the kitchen and pictured herself and Shelby doing the same in 25 years. Maybe they would open a bed and breakfast wherever they decided to settle. Whatever they decided to do, wherever they decided to do it, the one thing she knew was that she wanted Shelby next to her in 25 years, 45 years, forever.

When they got to the Bed and Breakfast and checked in, Toni had seen the balcony off their room. Before they had even gotten settled in, she went downstairs and asked if they had an outside blanket, when Monica had guessed what she was planning, she made up a thermos of hot chocolate, and handed it to Toni with two mugs. When she got back to the room Shelby saw the blanket and smiled.

“Watch the stars with me? I have hot chocolate?” Toni asked softly.

Shelby nodded smiling, grabbed a pillow off the bed and took Toni’s hand leading her out to the balcony. Toni spread out the blanket and put the pillow down as Shelby poured the hot chocolate. Toni leaned in and kissed Shelby softly before taking a sip of the hot chocolate.

“That is delicious, good call on the hot chocolate.” Shelby said leaning against the railing looking out at the stars gripping the mug with both hands.

Toni took a moment to just observe two of her favorite things, Shelby and the stars. She looked so beautiful and tranquil just standing there, her hair hanging loose down the back of her comfy green sweater, Toni’s favorite color on her. Toni wanted to go back inside and grab her phone but didn’t want to ruin the moment, she would just have to take a mental picture. Which would fit in nicely with all of her favorite mental pictures of Shelby from the island.

“I can’t take credit for that idea; it was all Monica.” Toni said finally going and joining Shelby at the railing looking out, wrapping her non-casted arm around Shelby’s back.

“We should probably be taking notes from them. Twenty-five years is impressive.” Shelby said as she snuggled in and rested her head on Toni’s shoulder. She loved the simple feeling of Shelby next to her, the warmth of her body next to her. It was that simple feeling she had missed the most when Shelby had been gone.

“Right, but I can see it, you making a delicious dinner, me helping the kids with homework.” It was out of her mouth before she even realized what she had said. They hadn’t talked about kids yet. Toni never realized she had wanted kids until recently and she knew it was mostly because of how amazing a mom Shelby would be.

What if Shelby didn’t want kids? Neither one of them had had a stable home life growing up, maybe that had made Shelby not want kids. Seeing Christina and experiencing her total lack of giving a shit about Toni had made her want to do better, to show she was capable of unconditional love and to do everything different than her mother had done.

“Nah, that’s never going to happen.” Shelby said and Toni’s heart dropped, I guess she doesn’t want kids she thought to herself.

“You helping with homework,” Shelby teased, “That is totally going to be my department.” Toni couldn’t help but smile and cuddle closer.

“Very fair point, but your job will also be the cooking, I may be a fairly useless parent.” Toni said relieved. Shelby did see them having kids, together. She was kidding of course about being useless but the reality was she had never really had a parent, not a decent one anyway, so she knew a lot of what not to ever do, but not as much guidance on what to do.

“Love, you are going to be a fantastic mama, when the time is right.” Shelby turned and kissed her forehead before finishing her hot chocolate and going and laying down on the blanket motioning for Toni to come join her.

Toni finished her hot chocolate and joined her; the reality was she would follow her anywhere. She laid on the blanket and stared up at the sky, Shelby cuddled closer, throwing her leg over Toni like they used to sleep on the island. When had they stopped sleeping on top of each other? Once they actually had a full-sized bed and daily life and responsibilities? It was so nice to just get back to simply them. They laid out there, pointing out the different star formations they remembered from the show until they couldn’t fight the cold anymore.

Toni snapped a picture of Shelby curled in the huge bed at their bed and breakfast. She was awake before Shelby so rarely that she wanted to document how adorable Shelby looked. She climbed back into bad and spooned into Shelby, her good hand sneaking onto Shelby’s slim hips, hooking her thumb into the waistband of her shorts.

Shelby murmured contentedly as Toni gently kissed behind her ear and let her head rest naturally on her shoulder. Toni knew they had to get moving this morning because they had driving to do. They had ended up staying in Iowa 2 days longer than they had expected because everything had just been so nice.

Shelby snuggled her body closer into Toni’s making Toni smile and let her hand wander up Shelby’s stomach.

“Maybe we stay another day,” Shelby said wistfully bringing her hand to rest on top of Toni’s, interlocking their fingers.

“You know why we love it here so much?” Toni asked as she kissed softly down Shelby’s neck.

“Because it’s perfect.” Shelby said breathily.

“Because we can be completely and totally ourselves with no distractions or responsibilities. And we can do that everywhere we go. I love it here too but think of how nice it will be to see the other places and finally get to the beach.” Toni said kissing lower down her neck and her shoulder.

“Mmm, if you keep doing that we are not going to be going anywhere anytime soon.” Shelby said snuggling in closer.

“Oh well I’ll stop then.” Toni said as she stopped and went as if she was moving away, before she could, Shelby pouted and reached behind her to pull Toni back to her.

“No, no, no” Shelby murmured sleepily. Leaning back into Toni, she slowly started grinding her ass back into Toni’s center.

“Babe, you keep doing that and we really aren’t going anywhere.” Toni said leaning back and looking down at Shelby’s ass working against her hips, it was a damn good view even laying down.

“That’s the point,” Shelby giggled as she moved her ass against Toni more slowly but with more pressure.

Toni let out a low moan. Man, that felt so good they may never leave Iowa at this rate.

“Maybe we kill two birds with one stone and take this into the shower,” Toni said as she slid her hand further up Shelby’s torso and tweaked a nipple hard just like she knew Shelby loved.

Shelby let out a gasp and giggle. Toni quickly pulled away and grabbed Shelby’s hand pulling her out of the bed despite Shelby’s cute little protest grunts.

“I’m going to remember this the next time you are nice and sleepy and I’m awake, I will show no mercy.” Shelby teased, stomping behind Toni but still let her lead her into the bathroom.

Toni turned the shower on, making sure to test the water, she knew Shelby didn’t like the water as hot as she did, maybe that’s what love was, making sure the water was always the perfect temperature for her. Shelby was pulling at Toni’s shirt; man, this girl was determined this morning and Toni was definitely not complaining.

She lifted her arms above her head letting Shelby take her shirt off over her cast. Toni watched as Shelby shimmed out of her shorts and pulled off her tank top. She doesn’t think watching Shelby get undressed will ever not take her breath away.

Anyone would think she was perfect looking, but it was the imperfections that Toni loved the most. The slight discoloration by her hip bone and of course the vaguely T shaped birthmark on her upper thigh right below the curve of her ass.

Toni thought about when she first discovered the birthmark on the island.

It was that first day under the Lychee trees, she was still reeling from the fact that Shelby had let her touch her, let alone go down on her. Shelby had stood up awkwardly to find her clothes which had been discarded randomly and were spread out throughout the area. Toni had leaned back on her hands and took in the view as Shelby walked away from her. She was feeling pretty damn good about herself, just having made Shelby orgasm, when she noticed the birthmark.

“Fuck, do you have a T for Toni on your ass? See it was meant to be.” Toni had been confident but also trying to keep it light, she knew Shelby was still struggling with a lot and as much as she wanted to bask in a job well done, she cared more about making sure Shelby was okay.

“What? Shelby said spinning around, my birthmark? It is in the shape of a cross not a T thank you very much.”

Toni got up and grabbed Shelby around her waist spinning them around, she kissed her neck and then bent her over. “Let me inspect it,” She said as let het face get real up close, “it is most definitely a T. No question.” Toni concluded as she planted a kiss right on the birthmark and pulled Shelby back up as she leaned into her laughing.

She was pulled out of that memory by a naked Shelby pulling down her shorts, Toni shimmed out of them to help and kicked them off. They got in the shower and Shelby immediately knelt down in front of her, damn good morning to her.

After one of Toni’s favorite showers ever, she headed down the central spiral staircase in order to let Randi and Monica that they were going to head out today. When she got down Monica was in the kitchen and Randi was perched on the island going through some paperwork.

“Good morning sweetie, do you kids want some breakfast, we saved some biscuits for Shelby and I can whip up a smoothie for you?” Monica called from the kitchen. Her sweetness and hospitality was a big part of the reason that it was hard to leave.

“I’m sure Shelby is not going to turn down more of your biscuits! And I would love a smoothie, she’s still getting dressed. I just wanted to let you know that we are going to head out today and finally get out of your hair.” Toni said.

“Darn, we hate seeing you ladies leave. Come outside with me while Monica makes your smoothie,” Randi said as she grabbed her pack of cigarettes and got up and headed out to the back porch. Toni followed her out, she had really enjoyed talking to them the past few days, especially Randi so she was glad to be able to have one last conversation.

“It was nice having you ladies here, you remind me so much of me when I was younger, you’re what 18?” Randi asked as deftly lit her cigarette taking a long drag. Toni hiked herself up on the porch railing, legs dangling.

“I’ll be 20 in a couple months.” Toni said.

“So young, but don’t let that one go. She’s a good girl for you. And people like us need good girls. I wish I had found Monica that young. I had to make a lot of mistakes before I found. Then I continued to make mistakes that almost cost me her love.” Randi said staring off into the garden.

“Yeah, I am going to do anything I can do to hold onto her. I already fucked it up and almost lost her once.” Toni said looking down at her cast.

“How you got all those injuries? Those are the kind of mistakes I used to make too. When you grow up having to fight for everything it’s hard to recognize when you can stop fighting. Take it from an old calm lesbian who almost took too long to figure it out.” Randi said taking another drag.

Toni took in her words; she knew she was right. Things were finally falling into place for Toni, she had more than she could have ever even dreamed of, why then did she keep feeling like the other shoe was about to drop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting distracted by other ideas at the moment, may take a tiny break on this one for a few after this next chapter. 
> 
> Thinking about an in canon on island piece
> 
> And an AU concept I’m pretty excited about.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second half of this chapter (after the ###), is pure smut, so just a fair warning if that's not your thing. 
> 
> Pretty sure I'm going to take a break from this one for a bit, I have a few one shot or short work ideas floating in my head. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! 
> 
> Thanks for reading and thanks for the comments, I love them!

“It’s my turn on the set list right? I made playlist last night when you fell asleep on me.” Toni said as Shelby pulled out of the Bed and Breakfast.

It was almost noon already. She thought about all the road trips with her family and Dave Goodkind making sure everyone was up and on the road by sun up every time, even if they weren’t going very far. She loved getting to go at their own pace. Deciding to stay an extra few days would have been an absolute no go for her dad. When they had taken trips, everything was planned out down to the minute, to include sporadic 15-minute prayer breaks.

Shelby nodded as Toni plugged her phone into the USB port and started her playlist. Shelby smiled, she always put up a fight about Toni’s music but the reality was her hip- hop/ rock mixes had grown on her.

“Where are we trying to get to today again?” Toni asked and Shelby caught a glance of her out of the corner of her eye, legs folded under her leaning back. Shelby loved that Toni could get comfortable anywhere.

“Goal is Wichita, Kansas. Route is taking us out of Iowa, through Nebraska and then into Kansas. Should be about 6 hours.” Shelby said as she turned the heat up, the temperature had dropped about 20 degrees overnight and the sky was cloudy and grey. She hugged her coat to her and shuddered.

“Babe, you’re cold, here give me your hand.” Toni said. She was so sweet and Shelby loved that Toni ran warm and her hands were always warmer than Shelby’s and able to warm her up with just a touch.

“Can we grab some coffee before getting on the interstate?” Shelby asked noticing the Starbucks on the side of the road.

“Duh, of course. I feel like we are going to have to take another road trip once my jaw gets unwired so that I can enjoy all the crappy road trip snacks and fast food, I feel like I am missing out on a quintessential part of the road trip experience.” Toni said as she loved wistfully at the McDonalds that Shelby had smelled before it even came into view.

“We will, I promise. We have nothing but time love. What’s your first meal going to be?” Shelby asked.

“You.” Toni said seriously. 

“Does your mind automatically go to sex when we get in the car?” Shelby teased.

“When we get in the car?” Toni joked. “No for real, that is absolutely the first thing I want to do as soon as they remove this fucking wire. Then I want to eat everything off of you, chocolate, whipped cream, peanut butter.. the options are endless.” Toni responded.

Shelby couldn’t help the blush that was forming or the tingle that was starting between her legs. She had to gather herself quickly as she got to the Starbucks drive through speaker.

“Venti cold brew, black and a grande Vanilla latte, extra shot with a shot of peppermint.” Shelby rattled off, they were both consistent with their coffee orders. She glanced at Toni to make sure and she nodded in validation.

As Shelby pulled up to the window, Toni leaned in and whispered “Are you picturing me licking peanut butter from between your legs, because I am.” Shelby’s cheeks turned bright red as the barista handed Shelby the drinks and she could hear Toni cracking up next to her.

“Thanks,” Shelby croaked out as she took her card back and pulled away.

“Not cool,” Shelby said laughing as she took a sip of her latte and pulled back on the highway. Toni had settled back into one of her orgami poses, legs tucked underneath her. 

“I do what I can.” Toni said.

“For real though, start thinking about what you want me to make for you first meal, you only have 4 weeks to decide!” Shelby said excitedly.

“Ugh, don’t remind me, it still sounds so far away. And I am being 100 percent for real about the very first thing I want to do. Its been way too long since I’ve tasted you.” Toni said in the sexy low voice that drove Shelby crazy.

“Are you trying to distract me so we crash?” Shelby teased.

“Not crash but just planting some mental images my love.” Toni responded.

They settled into the routine of the drive, Shelby’s hand resting on Toni’s injured hand, the corn fields and plains of Iowa flying by them as they passed into Nebraska.

They passed a billboard for Build a Bear and Shelby noticed the sad smile that crossed Toni’s face, she would have to remember that for future gift ideas.

“Did you have a favorite toy growing up?” Toni asked

“Yeah, you know those big doll heads where you can do their hair and makeup? I loved just playing with her hair, running my fingers through it. Shelby said as she pushed a hair away from Toni’s face. I guess it should have been a sign, Lord knows I love playing with your hair.” Shelby said with a small smile. “You?”

“Really the only toy I remember at all was a Build a Bear I made at some girl in my elementary school’s birthday party. I’m pretty sure she had been forced to invite every girl in the class because we were not friends, but she was loaded and her parents paid for every kid there to make a bear. The only way I would have had one, I dressed her in basketball shorts and a Timberwolves jersey, I named her Dribble. I loved that bear.” Toni said wistfully.

“What happened to Dribble baby?” Shelby asked bracing herself. Hearing stories about how Toni’s childhood was always felt like a punch in the gut, she hated picturing the strong, beautiful, confident woman she loved as a scared little girl. She knew Toni felt the same way when she would talk about things her dad would say to her when he suspected that she was queer.

“She got left behind when I was taken out of my mom’s the first time, it was the middle of the night. I was 9. The social worker had picked me up out of bed in my night gown, I woke up when we got outside and the cold air hit my legs. I remember being so confused, I kept calling for my mom and Dribble but they didn’t let me go back in and get her. They had found Christina passed out at a gas station down the street, luckily, we were no strangers to the local cops so they knew I was probably home alone and called CPS.” Toni said and Shelby felt a tear threatening to escape her eye. She tried to swallow the tears, she hated crying when Toni talked about her past because she didn’t want to upset her.

“I wish they had let me go back in and get her. By the time Christina got out of rehab that first time and got custody of me back, she had no idea what I was talking about and we were in a new shithole apartment with new clothes from Goodwill. They had toys at the Goodwill but my mom never let me get one, but I still checked every time we went to see if Dribble had ended up at Goodwill. No luck.” Toni said staring out the window.

“I’m so sorry honey, I’m sure Dribble found another little girl to love that got comfort from her.” Shelby said as she tried to push images of a small sad Toni left all alone in a dirty apartment while Christina did God knows what at the gas station out of her head.

“I like to think that too,” Toni said as she leaned in and kissed Shelby’s shoulder. She let her head rest there for a few minutes and Shelby breathed in Toni’s scent of Old Spice body wash and their shared Shampoo. When they first moved in together, she would ask Toni what shampoo she wanted, Toni would always just say the cheapest available, but then she would always end up using Shelby’s. After about 3 months Shelby got on and just stopped buying the cheap stuff altogether.

A snowflake hit her windshield. Shelby gripped the steering wheel and said a quick silently prayer that it was just one snowflake. Another one, then another. She changed her prayer to hoping it was just flurries. She was not a good snow driver. She grew up in Texas and the last two years in Minnesota Toni would always drive when it snowed. She felt her whole body tensing up as the snow kept falling, quickly picking up the pace.

“Hey babe, you are fine, we will be in Omaha in about 10 miles, we are going to get off at the downtown exit and find a hotel. We probably should have checked the weather… There’s a big blizzard.” Toni said holding up her phone to show her the weather map covered in white, pinks, and purples. 

“Ugh Lord I wish you could drive in this.” Shelby said as she turned the wipers on and slowed down.

“Me too babe, me too but you got this. And you go as slow as you need to. If someone has a problem they can fuck themselves. You got this baby.” Toni said as she kissed her shoulder again.

She had this. She had this. Shelby centered herself on that shoulder kiss. Toni always made her feel like she could do anything, including this.

That 10 miles was the longest drive of Shelby’s life. Every time a car flew passed them Toni said fuck em and it made Shelby laugh. The wind was blowing super hard and she could feel the car trying to pull away from her. She doesn’t think she had ever gripped a steering wheel so hard in her life. Toni was making phone calls from the passenger seat but Shelby wasn’t paying attention, she couldn’t afford to take her eyes or focus off the road for a second. Everything outside was a blistery gray. The snow was really picking up and visibility was awful.

“Thank fucking God, Exit 8. I got us a room here at the Marriott. Rooms are filling up fast.” Toni said as Shelby noticed that most of the cars around her were getting off as well. As she turned the wheel to get into the exit lane, the tires spun and she lost control only for a second. One second was too much and she couldn’t help start crying.

“Its okay babe, just slowly start moving again, we are okay love, the hotel is right off this exit. You are amazing and you got this.” Toni said calmly. Shelby knew the only reason they made it safely into the Marriott parking lot alive was because of Toni. As soon as she parked, Shelby turned the car off and finally released her grip from the steering wheel. She had been gripping it so hard her hands were sore. She took a deep breath and let the tears come.

“That was awful.” Shelby as Toni leaned over and wrapped her arms around her. Toni felt so warm and safe, every thing that drive had not been.

“I know, I know. You did so good though.” Toni said and Shelby tried to make herself believe it.

“Damn it is really fucking coming down, we need to get in the hotel.” Toni said a few minutes later when Shelby had finally stopped crying.

“Are you sure you are okay staying here? We didn’t get as far as I had hoped for today.” Shelby said concerned.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Of course, baby, we aren’t going anywhere right now. And from the look of this system we may not be going anywhere for a few days. We will have to find something to entertain ourselves. Any ideas?” Toni asked, raising her eyebrow.

“I’m sure we will think of something. I still have a few of my surprises I bought online to bust out.” Shelby teassed, licking her lips. 

“Well fuck, what are we sitting out here for! Let’s go!” Toni said laughing and hustling out of the car and coming around to open Shelby’s door.

Shelby went to thank her but the cold and the snow in her face took her breath away. She was not properly dressed for a blizzard.

“Come on, I’ll get the stuff after you are safe inside.” Toni said lifting her arm to try her best to shield Shelby from the snow. It wasn’t doing much other making Shelby melt because it was such a sweet gesture. She was so lucky this woman was hers; she took such good care of her.

###

Shelby adjusted the sexy police woman lingerie set she had purchased as she looked in the bathroom mirror. She knew her ass looked especially good in these little booty shorts and fishnets. She hoped this hadn’t been a miscalculation as she looked at the handcuffs and night stick on the vanity. Toni had said she had wanted to get more creative; roleplay was creative right?

“Babe, hurry up, the anticipation is killing me.” Toni whined from outside the bathroom. 

Here goes nothing Shelby thought as she fluffed her hair, adjusted the policeman’s hat on her head and took one more glance at herself in the mirror. She was pretty sure her dad would have a full-blown heart attack if he saw her right now. Hell 17-year-old Shelby would have had a heart attack and try to cover her up with a robe. The thing about it though was Shelby didn’t feel wrong, she felt good, she felt sexy.

Shelby opened the door slowly, eyes trained directly on Toni watching her eyes get wide and her jaw drop as she watched her step out of the bathroom.

“Hands up! You’re under arrest.” Shelby said.

“Fuuuck me….” Toni said and Shelby felt her eyes pan up and down her body making her feel even sexier.

“Oh, I plan to.” Shelby said as she twirled around, wanting to make sure Toni got a good look at her ass because she knew how good it looked.

Toni just kept shaking her head, her hand covering her mouth, “Fuck, fuck, fuck” she kept muttering not taking her dark eyes off of Shelby’s body. She thinks she may have finally made Toni Shalifoe speechless.

Shelby could feel herself getting turned on by seeing the naked desire in Toni’s eyes. Toni’s reaction pushed away any second guessing she might have had about this being miscalculation.

She had been shy for so long with Toni about saying what she wanted and what she liked, which she thinks is part of the reason their sex life had fallen into a relatively bland routine before their break. Toni didn’t want to push her and Shelby was too embarrassed to express what she fantasized and dreamed about.

While they were on their break, she had the most vivid sex dreams she had ever had in her life. She would sometimes have to wake up and crawl out of the bed with her friends draped all around and go to the bathroom and take care of it herself so she could fall back asleep. Always wishing it was Toni’s mouth instead. 

It was the combination of those dreams and Toni saying she wanted to spice it up that gave her the confidence to actually take actions to bring her fantasies to life. The truth was, in her sexiest dreams, she was always in full control of Toni, there had been glimpses of that during some of their more recent encounters but she wanted to take it further.

“I said hands up Shalifoe.” Shelby growled trying to sound as serious as possible.

Toni eyes widened even more as she put her hands up. Shelby had already thought this part through, she knew she couldn’t handcuff her hands together because of the cast but she could handcuff Toni’s good hand to the slat in the back board of the bed. She climbed on the bed straddling Toni.

“Babe you look absolutely fucking gorgeous.” Toni said breathing heavy and swallowing. As she went to kiss her and brought her hand down to cup Shelby’s face.

“No ma’am,” Shelby said as she turned out of the kiss and took Toni’s hand and put the metal handcuff on and quickly put the other on the bed.

“Fuck, that’s how this is gonna be?” Toni said shaking her head again.

“You are under arrest. I need to make sure you don’t have any weapons on you,” Shelby said teasingly. She moved back and started unbuttoning the button-down Toni was wearing, letting her fingers wander across her chest after each button, barely touching Toni’s skin. She could feel Toni’s heart racing as she traced her fingertips over her heart.

When she had unbuttoned enough to reveal her sport bra, Shelby groped her boobs hard, one in each hand. “Hiding anything in here?” Shelby said as she took her hat off and put it on Toni’s head. She couldn’t help but get even more turned on but seeing how much Toni was enjoying this as well.

Toni let out a low moan as Shelby had pushed up her bra and moved her head down to inspect further and took one of her nipples into her mouth and squeezed the other breast before tugging her nipple hard and letting her tongue roll over the other.

“Fuck me. Babe I think you might be able to make me cum just from that.”

“No cumming, until I say you can.” Shelby said as she picked the night stick up from the bed and pressed it up against Toni’s throat, testing the amount of pressure.

“You might need a safe word,” Shelby whispered.

“Fuck,” Toni replied.

“Nah, I think you might be saying that too much,” Shelby laughed as she planted kisses up Toni’s chest and planted her mouth on her pulse point.

“No, I just mean fuck, babe, this is fucking hot. I can barely think straight.” Toni said breathily.

“I’ve barely even gotten started,” Shelby said as she started sucking on Toni’s neck and biting down increasing the pressure slowly.

“Cupcake. That’s my safe word,” Toni moaned as Shelby continued sucking and biting on her neck, knowing she was going to leave a mark. Her hand was continuing to roll and tug on Toni’s nipple.

“Shelby, fuck, I’m going to have to cum soon. I’m sorry, this is just too much in the best possible way.” Toni said her voice low and husky.

“You cum and I stop.” Shelby said as she removed the night stick, stopped sucking and moved her hand off of Toni’s breast and leaned back.

“No, no I won’t I promise. Please, please don’t stop.” Toni pleaded. Mmm Shelby thought, the begging turned her on so much. She loved knowing Toni was complete putty in her hands right now.

“Good girl,” Shelby said as she went back to teasing her one nipple with her fingers getting it nice and hard as a rock, sucking on the other one and then biting and sucking on the sensitive skin right around it.

Toni moaned louder than Shelby had ever heard her. And she felt her legs start to shake underneath her.

“You’re not coming right?” Shelby said as Toni shook her head no and slammed her legs shut. Shelby loved that she could tell how hard this was for Toni, she couldn’t remember every having made her cum this fast.

She scooted back and unbuckled Toni’s belt, unzipped her pants and started pulling them off her slim hips. She could see how wet Toni was through the boxer briefs she had on. Shelby slid her hand in to feel the wetness. Mmm Shelby could feel herself getting wet knowing how much this was turning both of them on.

“Damn ma, I don’t think I handle you touching me and not cumming.” Toni moaned.

“Okay, I’m going to put three fingers in and you can’t cum until I’ve gone in and out three times. You can cum on the third in motion.” Shelby teased. Toni nodded breathing deep, a look of pure concentration on her face.

Shelby slowly grazed her fingers over Toni’s clit, drawing small circles as she worked her way back to go inside of her.

Toni was letting out a constant low moan now and Shelby could tell she was trying so hard not to cum, watching her edge was one of the hottest thing Shelby had ever seen.

She finally thrust three fingers into Toni and quickly went in once, twice and paused right before the third.

“Please, please, please, Shel,” Toni practically screamed.

Shelby smiled and thrust her fingers in a third time and felt the floodgates open up in the Toni and she held her through one of if the biggest orgasm she had every seen her have, Toni’s entire small body was shaking and her head rolled back. God Shelby wanted to capture this image she looked so fucking sexy in this moment and so beautiful.

“Fuck,” Toni said as she collapsed back on the bed and Shelby pulled Toni’s underwear down completely and began cleaning her up slowly licking within her folds as she felt Toni;s body start to tense again. She sucked on her clit and licked all her wetness u letting her tongure hit the spot she knew Toni loved.

“Fuck,” Toni said sitting up, she was barely saying words at this point just uttering things that resembled Shelby’s name and Oh God.

“Shelby I am going to cum again.” Toni said.

“Have you been a good girl? Should I let you?” Shelby asked momentarily taking her mouth off of Toni.

“Yes, yes please.” Toni begged.

Her hand dug into Toni's abs as she continued to let her tongue work on her clit and it only took a few moments for Toni to moan loudly and her whole body start shaking again. Shelby couldn’t help be proud of herself. When Toni was done she backed up and wiped her mouth and laid back on the bed.

No sooner than she did, the fire alarm in the hotel started going off.

“What the fuck?” Toni said. And Shelby just started laughing, of course it fucking did.

She ran into the bathroom to get the key as the fire alarm got louder.

“Shit, shit, shit,” she cussed as she fumbled with the key to undo the handcuffs. Toni was still trying to gather herself. “Fuck babe, like I don’t know if I can walk right now.” Toni said sitting up pulling her bra down and buttoning her shirt back up.

“I can’t go out like this!” Shelby said looking around panicking as the alarm still blared in the background.

“There’s a robe in the bathroom babe.” Toni said as she looked in the suitcase next to the bed for a pair of sweats to pull on.

“If I go outside in a robe and fishnets, they are going to think that you hired me for a good time.” Shelby said putting her hands to her face.

“Honey, its okay, here throw this hoodie and these sweats on over that, and by the way I would totally pay for that.. just saying.” Toni said, laughing gently as she handed her the clothes and pulled a pair of sweats on.

There was a knock on the door. “Everyone out.”

“We’re coming,” Shelby called as she pulled on the hoodie and sweats and they shuffled out the door. Her heart was racing and her face was warm as they apologized and headed down the ahll to the staircase where the firemen were evacuated people.

“Maybe a sexy firefighter next?” Toni whispered when they were out of earshot and Shelby lightly punched her good arm.


	26. Chapter 26

Toni’s phone buzzed on the table next to her. She blinked her eyes awake looking at the time on her phone. It was 9:15AM.

She had 5 texts from Fatin.

“You up?”

“I fucked up.”

“You up yet?

“I need you to wake the fuck up.”

“I really fucked up.”

Shit. She did the math in her head; it was the middle of the night in New Zealand. She had gotten really good at converting the time when she had been stalking Shelby’s trip.

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think hon,” Toni texted.

“Um I had a threesome with Leah and some dude and Dottie walked in.”

“Fuck,” Toni whispered.

Shelby moved next to and hooked her leg onto Toni’s pulling her back toward her.

“Well, how was it?” Toni texted back; she really didn’t know what to fucking say. Shelby was convinced that Fatin and Leah belonged together but Toni had always sort of rooted for Dot in what she thought was a hypothetical love triangle.

Maybe it wasn’t so hypothetical after all.

She knew Fatin though, she was always chasing the next high in the love department. Sometimes that ended up being a chick but Toni was confident that endgame for Fatin was always marrying some dude with a giant penis.

Fatin had a way of making people fall hard though and Toni saw the way Dot looked at her sometimes.

More telling than anything was the way Fatin was freaking out right now. They had played enough games of Truth or Dare and Never Have I ever on the island that Fatin had been walked in on multiple times before and laughed about it. For Fatin to be freaking out she had to have some idea of Dot’s feelings.

“It was fucking amazing. But Toni it was fucked up, you should have seen Dottie’s adorable little face. She looked like someone stole her puppy.”

Fuck. Toni hated to think about the feelings Dot must be having and who she might reach out to. The people in the group she was closest to were Fatin and Leah.

“Have you tried to talk to her?” Toni texted back.

“Nah, she booked it out of here about an hour ago, its fucking 4 in the morning, I have no idea where she is. We were all wasted.” Fatin responded.

“Damnit Fatin,” Toni said out loud.

“Did you just say Fatin’s name in bed?” Shelby murmured as she flipped over.

“I’m sorry babe, just texting with Fatin.” Toni said putting her phone down in her lap and wrapping her arms around Shelby pulling her close and kissing her forehead.

They had finally made it to the house they rented in Galveston yesterday. She was so grateful they had rented it fully furnished so they could just relax and try to make themselves at home finally. The road trip that they ended up stretching into a week and a half and Toni was more than ready to be here in the same place for more than just a night or two.

It had caught her by surprise, but the transient nature of their road trip had made Toni uneasy, reminding her of the years she was with Christina after her second rehab stint where they had nowhere stable to live. It had been almost two years of crashing with different “friends” of Christina in hotel rooms, trailers, sometimes even tents. Toni would have no idea how or if there would be anyone to get her to school. She would walk if she could get enough of an idea of where she was in relation to school. It was during that time that she became close with Marti.

The first time she had gone to Marti’s after school, Mama B had wanted to check with Christina to make sure it was okay that stay for dinner and Toni couldn’t get a hold of her. Mama B had offered to drop her off after dinner and Toni said it was okay, she would get a hold of Christina eventually, but an hour went by. Eventually Mama B had pulled Toni aside and asked her if it was odd to not be able to get ahold of her mom. Toni had shaken her head and she had let herself cry when she had explained that she couldn’t drive her home because Toni didn’t know where they were staying that night. She couldn’t help but smile thinking about Mama B and the instant trust Toni had in her, extremely unusual for her. 

Shelby had been so excited about the adventure of it all that Toni hadn’t wanted to burst her bubble and tell her she was ready to be in Galveston. Also, Toni felt guilty that because of her arm, she couldn’t drive any so she didn’t want to push Shelby to drive more in a day.

“How is Leah?” Toni texted back; she had no idea how she could she possibly help halfway around the world.

“Passed out in bed with Ben. I can’t sleep, I feel awful.” Fatin texted back

“Don’t tell Shelby.”

Shit. She didn’t like keeping anything from Shelby. Every time she tried, it did not end well.

It was as if Shelby had a sixth sense and always saw right through Toni’s evasions. Things would get tense because Shelby knew Toni was hiding something and her imagination would immediately go to the worst possible scenario.

Once Toni had broken Shelby’s green and yellow mug she had made at a ceramics class with Becca. Toni had been scared to tell her, Shelby immediately thought Toni was cheating on her. Things got tense and awkward and when Toni eventually told her about the mug it was no big deal. The coverup was definitely what always got her in more trouble than the crime with Shelby. 

But it was Fatin.

Fatin had kept Toni’s secret about the ring even when they had taken their break. Fatin and Toni couldn’t have come from more different lives, but for some reason they always just understood each other. Despite her wealth and privilege, Toni her and Fatin were two sides of the same coin, kids with fucked up parents looking for love, or something like it, in all the wrong places.

“What’s so important that you would rather text Fatin than cuddle me? Do I need to be jealous?” Shelby said crinkling her nose. It was her I’m sort of kidding, sort of serious face.

Toni couldn’t put Fatin’s business out there like that, this situation was messy enough as it was.

“Nothing babe, Fatin’s drunk dramatics,” Toni said putting her phone back on the bedside table and nuzzling her head back into Shelby’s shoulder.

She technically wasn’t lying; the situation was the definition of drama.

###

Toni snuck out of the bed; it was barely light outside. Her sleep since the incident had been getting worse and worse. Shelby was still fast asleep, emitting the tiny snores that Toni was so fond of.

They had been in Galveston for about a week and Toni was feeling restless. She needed this damn wire off her mouth and this fucking cast off her arm. They were constant reminders of that fucking night. Not to mention her hand was starting to fucking itch like crazy. Dr. Gingrich had been cool and set up her follow up appointments with the oral surgeon, and the ortho doc. He had given her the name of a dermatologist but hadn’t been able to line anything up.

The last few nights she hadn’t let Shelby see her hand, choosing to wrap it up herself when she got out of the shower. 

She knew Shelby would take one look at her hand and drive her immediately to the hospital.. It wasn’t looking good. It had gotten redder, it was starting to have a smell, and one of the burns had started emitting some kind of pus.

It wasn’t something she really wanted to deal with and she knew if she told Shelby she would be forced to deal with it.

The list of things that Toni wasn’t telling Shelby kept getting longer:

  1. Fatin and Leah’s threesome
  2. Her most likely infected hand
  3. Her shit sleep
  4. The nightmares
  5. How little she was actually eating 



Toni brushed her teeth, laced up her sneakers, popped in her air pods and went out to the beach for an early morning run.

It had become her routine, when she couldn’t get back to sleep, she would wait in the bed until the first peak of daylight and then give up and run until she had pushed everything down sufficiently. Sometimes it took an hour, sometimes it took two. 

She pulled the strings on her shorts tighter so they wouldn’t slide down her slim hips. She knew she was losing weight but that was to be expected when she couldn’t eat real fucking food. She was fucking sick of smoothies and protein shakes. The day she got her wire out she planned on chucking their blender, she never wanted another blended drink ever again.

She was to the point where she could only make herself choke down one protein shake a day. 

Everything would be fine in a few weeks when she could finally get the fucking wire off.

Everything would be fine then.

Right? 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Won’t you let me hold you close, ease your pain and break your fall. I aint no saint but I’d like to help. I can’t keep watching you lose yourself. I’ll love you till your heart is full and find a cure for your troubled soul.” 
> 
> This chapter was inspired by the song "Troubled Soul" by Paper Wings.

Shelby reached out to pull Toni closer and she just kept reaching. She fumbled for her phone on the bedside table to check the time, 6:30AM. This was the third time in the last week she had randomly woken up before 7:00AM and every time, Toni had not been in the bed.

Shelby felt like everything in their life fell into two categories, before “the incident,” and after “the incident.” Since getting released from the hospital, Toni had become an earlier and earlier riser, the complete opposite of the self-proclaimed slow starter she was before the break in.

Shelby knew Toni wasn’t doing well. She had thought it was because they were living out of hotel rooms, but now they have been here in their temporary home two weeks. Shelby could not wait the week until Toni’s oral surgeon appointment, to get that jaw unwired. Toni had always been slim, but now she was downright skinny. When she held her, she could feel her hip bones much more prominently than before.

Toni had stopped asking Shelby to make the protein shakes for her, always claiming she had just made one. Last night Shelby moved all the blender cups to the unused cabinet above the fridge. She slid out bed, slipped on her slippers and yawned as she made the short trek from the master bedroom to the kitchen. She checked the cabinet to the right of the sink where they typically kept the blender cups. Not there. She checked her hiding place; all 4 sizes were right where she left them.

She poured a cup of coffee and went to sit on the deck. The deck overlooked the beach and was her absolute favorite thing about the house. She knew this particular house was only temporary but it was exactly the kind of place she could see them living in full time.

She looked out and saw Toni running back up the sand, she looked even smaller seeing her off in a distance.

“Hey honey, it’s early, did you have a good run?”

“Hey, you’re up.” Toni said as she came in and popped out her airpods. Shelby couldn’t help but register the surprise on Toni’s face. She had a feeling Toni ran early so that Shelby wouldn’t know exactly how long she was running.

“Yeah, the bed was lonely.” Shelby said as she went in for a hug. Toni shrugged away.

“Shel, I’m gross, let me go shower.” Toni said. Shelby bristled at the rejection. Sweat and dirt had never stopped them from physical affection. They had sex for the first time on a deserted island with limited hygiene practices for goodness sake.

“I could join you,” Shelby said raising an eyebrow.

“Nah, not this morning.” Toni said as she headed up the stairs to the master bathroom.

Shelby knew something was up, shower sex was always Toni’s favorite. In their two and a half years together, she had never turned down shower sex. To be fair, she was usually the one initiating it.

Truth was, they hadn’t had sex since their first night in this new house. Two weeks wasn’t a super long time but it was unusual for them. Shelby tried to initiate in small ways like she normally did but when Toni never seemed to pick up on them, she hadn’t wanted to push.

Toni also hadn’t wanted to go out and explore Galveston in the two weeks they had been there. Shelby had been so excited that it was warm enough to get out and explore their new home but Toni hadn’t been interested. It wasn’t as much fun to go alone but she hadn’t wanted to push.

Toni spent most of her days curled up with her ipad binge watching The Real Housewives. Shelby had suggested they watch it together on the big tv, but Toni had said she preferred it on the tablet. That made no sense at all to Shelby but she hadn’t wanted to push.

Shelby offered every night to help with the bandages on Toni’s hand, but every night Toni told her not to worry, she would take care of it. Toni had always been independent but she used to seem to relish in Shelby taking care of her, but more and more Toni was adamant of handling everything herself. Shelby hadn’t mentioned it because she hadn’t wanted to push.

After she got released, Toni seemed to enjoy Shelby’s creative Pinterest blended concoctions and Shelby had had fun coming up with fresh ways to make smoothies and milkshakes both taste good and have enough nutrition to be someone’s only food source. Slowly, Toni started telling her it was okay she had already made a protein shake. Shelby thought it didn’t seem like she was having enough shakes during a day but she hadn’t wanted to push.

She realized over the past two weeks she hadn’t pushed at all about anything. By not pushing she had let Toni push her away again. “Not going to happen Shalifoe.” Shelby said to herself as she wiped the kitchen counter, relishing the clean fresh scent of the lemon cleaner. She felt the warm sun coming through the window behind her.

They were going to get out and enjoy the day whether Toni liked it or not.

No more polite Shelby.

She had been so worried about Toni’s feelings that she had removed herself from the equation. That was not the Goodkind way. You corralled around the people in your life who were suffering. She had helped her mom make enough casseroles for new moms or lasagna for families suffering a loss to know that you did not leave people to suffer alone.

It had taken herculean efforts but she had gotten Toni out of the house, they were driving to Kemah Boardwalk with the top down. It was a little chilly, in the high 60s but after a Minnesota winter, the sun and the breeze would be good for their souls. Shelby smiled down at her hand that Toni had put her casted hand on top of. She stole a glance at the passenger seat, Toni was staring at the water with a small smile on her lips.

Baby steps.

The Kemah boardwalk had been a good call, the sun on their faces, the smell of the sea mixed with whiffs of French fries and funnel cakes, kids running from ride to ride. It felt like they were back among the living after being couped up.

They held hands as they walked, Toni squeezing her hand tighter whenever Shelby’s palms got sweaty, feeling judgmental eyes on her. It was not lost on her that they were back in her home state. She had never been out in Texas before.

She knew Toni still had a long road and a lot of demons but Shelby couldn’t help but smile seeing her sit on the back of a bench, feet on the seat, sipping on a frozen lemonade.

“Do you ever sit right?” Shelby joked as she sat down between Toni’s legs to eat her French fries.

“I mean if you aren’t enjoying this I can move?” Toni teased squeezing her legs around Shelby. There was her girl, Shelby would take any moment or glimpse she got of playful Toni.

Baby steps.

When they got back, Toni tried to say she had made a protein shake while Shelby was in the shower. The kitchen was immaculate, the blender put away, no cup in the sink. This girl, who Shelby spent half her day picking up after, had made a protein shake, drank it, and cleaned up everything in the 20 minutes Shelby had spent showering.

“Where did you put your cup babe?” Shelby asked.

“Oh, I cleaned it and put it in the cabinet.” Toni shrugged.

“Be still my heart, cleaning up after yourself. “Shelby teased. “Which cabinet?”

“Um.. the one where it always goes.” Toni said and Shelby could tell she was getting nervous.

“Babe, I can’t find it, can you come show me. I want a smoothie,” Shelby whined. She knew that Toni was no match for the perfected Goodkind pout, few people were.

Toni slunk into the kitchen, went straight for the cabinet to the right of the sink. “Right here,” she frowned as she realized they weren’t there.

“Um I must have put it somewhere else,” Toni murmured. Grabbing at her elbow mindlessly like she did when she was caught.

Shelby came up behind her and circled her arms around her, “I’ll make you a shake for dinner, yeah?” Shelby said.

“If you didn’t smell so good, I would be mad that you set me up. I’m sorry, I am just not hungry.” Toni shrugged.

Shelby snuggled in and rested her head on Toni’s shoulder for a few minutes waiting for her to shrug her off and happy that she didn’t.

Toni drank the shake.

Baby steps.

Shelby woke up to Toni out of bed again. 6:45AM. At least today Toni had some excuse, she had a follow up appointment for her arm today at 9:00AM.

Shelby pulled Toni’s pillow close to her body and breathed in. It was a poor replacement for cuddling with her fiancé.

The doorbell rang.

What in the heck? Shelby thought to herself, it wasn’t even 7:00AM. She grabbed her fluffy pink robe off the bathroom door and headed down the steps. There was a man who appeared to be in his thirties standing there holding an adorable little dog. Oh how she wished Toni was here. The man wasn’t intimidating looking but anyone knocking on her door when she was alone made her realize how incredibly vulnerable she was. She looked around their sparse hallway to see if there was anything she could even use as a weapon. Her best bet was a heavyish looking vase that she would just have to hope was replaceable. 

“Hello?” Shelby said cautiously opening the door a small crack.

“Howdy honey, my name is Tomak. I’m sorry we haven’t been over to introduce ourselves, you must think we are the worst. I live next door, your roommate, the runner…”

“Fiancé,” Shelby corrected as she smiled at the dog and opened the door more fully. Something about Toni, was she okay?

“Oh lovely, we, my husband Jeff and I, hadn’t wanted to assume. Oh my that is quite the ring.” Tomak said as he took her left hand in his. “She did good. Aren’t you two just adorable, we all think so. Just wait till they hear the pretty girls are engaged. When Marlene called to say the brunette runner from the pretty girl house had passed out on the beach, I knew I…“

“Where?” Shelby interrupted Tomak, already halfway down the steps.


	28. Chapter 28

“I’m fine, really. I just pushed myself too hard this morning.” Toni said to the concerned older woman standing over her.

“Here give me your finger, I’m going to test your sugars sweetie. This is going to only hurt for a second. I’m Marlene, by the way.” Marlene said as she stuck Toni’s finger with a small needle.

“Toni,” Toni said, barely flinching, one thing the incident had done was made Toni’s already high pain tolerance even higher, she could see Marlene was impressed. Marlene put Toni’s finger against a small white strip.

“65, that’s what I figured, low blood sugar. Bo honey, can you go grab an orange juice out of the fridge? Jeff doll, let’s get her up on to my deck.”

“I’m okay, I got it,” Toni said, determined to stand up on her own. She stood up and immediately regretted that, getting a little dizzy. Jeff grabbed her arm to steady her.

“Easy now sweetie,” Marlene said as they walked the short distance up the beach to a beautiful deck covered in palm trees, it looked like a tropical oasis in the middle of Texas. Jeff helped Toni set down on a bright pink deck chair just as Bo brought her a small bottle of orange juice. She had barely taken the first sip when she saw a bright pink blur running toward her.

Shelby.

As Shelby got closer, and saw her sitting up, Toni watched her face turn from panic to angry.

Toni couldn’t help a small smile crossing her lips, Shelby looked so adorable in her bare feet, bed head and fluffy pink robe.

“Marlene baby, you had to call my girl on me? I was just starting to like you,” Toni teased as Shelby climbed up the deck steps.

Marlene laughed, “To be fair, we didn’t know she was your girl, we just knew somebody should claim you.”

“Oooh yes, they are engaged. Y’all should see the rock on this one.” The man coming up the deck with Shelby cooed.

Toni was happy to have an out before having to deal with the adorably angry blonde she loved.

“I did good?” Toni asked as Marlene and Jeff inspected Shelby’s left ring finger. Toni watched Shelby desperately trying not to gush about the ring and stay angry with Toni. She could see every muscle in Shelby’s face trying not to smile, and Toni loved every second of her struggle.

“Yes, doll you did very good, I’m Jeff’s husband Tomak, and this here is Clarice,” Tomak said indicating the adorable fluffy dog in his arms. Husband, Toni had gotten the gay vibes from Jeff. Very cool. Seems like they had chosen the right block for them. 

“I have a ring too, see,” Toni said presenting her left hand for inspection, doing whatever she could to keep Shelby distracted from the fact that she passed out on the sand.

Shelby rolled her eyes, “You aren’t going to be able to charm your way out of this Shalifoe. What happened?”

“Her blood sugar is low, we gave her orange juice. I was going to call the ambulance, but she said you were heading to the medical center shortly for an appointment.” Marlene explained.

Toni took an exaggerated sip of her orange juice for Shelby’s benefit. “See all good,” Toni said as Shelby shook her head.

“You are still in trouble.” Shelby said but the accompanying smirk revealed she was significantly less angry than when she showed up.

They sat there for a while, Shelby settling in on the chair next to her, letting her hand rest on Toni’s arm. It was such a casual touch but it was an anchor for Toni. Toni wishes she could freeze time in this moment. This moment was one she needed to remember when the feelings in her head got too big, the thoughts too loud. Growing up she wouldn’t have even been able to imagine that this would ever be her life, sitting next to this beautiful woman, talking to new friends on the porch of a beautiful house, feeling like she actually belonged somewhere.

After she drank the whole juice and with promises to come over for one of Marlene’s weekly Bloody Mary brunch, Toni and Shelby were finally released just in time for Toni to take one last shower with a cast.

When they got into the house, Shelby made Toni cry for the first of three times that day.

Toni watched Shelby sit on one of the kitchen stools, she could see the concern in Shelby’s eyes.

Toni didn’t like relying on people. When you relied on people it always made it harder when everything inevitably soured. She was not the kind of person, people stuck around for. This girl though. She was still here. Toni’s eyes glanced down at the ring on her finger. She had felt so proud sharing it with the neighbors, mainly it was proof that this beautiful, smart, and incredibly caring girl picked Toni.

Toni wishes she could just capture the way Shelby looked right there, eyes full of concern, sitting there in her pink bathrobe. Toni was not a crier but the emotions and weakness of the morning, plus that look in Shelby’s eyes were just too much for her. The tears came.

Shelby didn’t say a word, she just stood up and wrapped her arms around her. Toni allowed herself to melt into the embrace nuzzling her head into Shelby’s shoulder. Inhaling Shelby’s intoxicating scent. Toni finally let herself release everything she had been holding in. Shelby’s arms felt more like home than anywhere she had ever lived.

The cast was finally gone. One step closer to being rid of the physical reminders of that day.

The doctor gave her a stern lecture about her hand, gave her a prescription for an antibiotic and his staff made her appointment for the next morning with the dermatologist.

“Why didn’t you tell me about your hand baby?” Shelby said as soon as they were in the car.

Toni looked down at her hands. She had known this was coming and the reality was she didn’t have an excuse.

“I’m sorry Shelby. I don’t know.” Toni said still looking down.

“Don’t be sorry, love just talk to me.” Shelby said as she lifted Toni’s chin so their eyes met. There it was again, the look of love that had made her cry earlier.

“Why do you love me Shelby? You deserve so much better. I don’t deserve you. I mess everything up.” Toni said, knowing that she didn’t deserve the love reflecting back in Shelby’s eyes. Toni’s own flesh blood didn’t love her why did this woman.

“I love you because of who you are Toni Shalifoe. All of who you are. Every piece of light and dark in you. Our hearts speak the same language. I was made to love you. I tried so hard on that damn island to stay away from you. I prayed so many times to God to help me resist the temptation that was you. And my heart would not be stopped, it knew what it wanted and it wouldn’t stop until it was one with your heart. I am the luckiest woman in the world to have you as mine. Close your eyes.” Shelby said.

Toni obliged closing her eyes.

“Picture the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. Small but crazy strong. Strength that goes beyond the physical. Sure her muscles are toned and those abs. Don’t get me started on those abs. But the kind of strength she has is so much more than that. It is a strength that can only come from having to claw tooth and nail for every scrap in her life against impossible odds. And the best and most beautiful part of all? Is that despite that strength there is this incredible softness. She still has hope, she still believes in love, and when she loves, she loves hard. When you are lucky enough to be one of the special few, her love makes you feel stronger than you are, like you can take on anything. Being loved by her is being wrapped in the warmest light you can imagine.”

Toni’s heart soared.

“Shelby,” Toni said, she had no idea how to respond to that. No one had ever said anything even half as nice as that about her. The most amazing thing was Shelby made her believe that all those things she said about her were true.

“I just needed you to see yourself the way I see you. Where you see weakness, I see strength. I am the one doesn’t deserve you, but I thank God for you every day.” Shelby said

That’s how Shelby made her cry for the second time.

Toni was spent, she didn’t mean to, but her heart was so full and her darkest thoughts were calmed for the moment, Toni fell asleep in the car shortly after they started driving.

She woke up to Shelby’s hand gently stroking her cheek. As she slowly opened her eyes, she expected to be in the garage at their rental house. Instead, they were in a busy parking lot, were they at a mall?

“Where are we babe?”

“The mall, c’mon. We have an errand we need to run.” Shelby said unbuckling her seat belt and reaching back into the back seat for her purse.

“Shelby, I’m exhausted. Can I just wait here for you?” Toni asked. She didn’t have it in her right now to bounce from store to store with Shelby.

“No ma’am, you are needed. Let’s go.” Shelby said getting out of the car.

Ugh. Toni made sure to make as many audible groans as possible as she got out the car. Unfortunately, her protests only seemed to entertain Shelby.

“C’mon,” Shelby said as she linked her arm in Toni’s and practically dragged her into the mall.

Shelby’s errands were apparently some candles, new pillows and a new perfume that Toni wasn’t going to lie made her want her never want to stop smelling Shelby’s neck.

“Are we done yet?” Toni whined.

“One last stop,” Shelby laughed as she grabbed Toni’s hand and they turned the corner and Toni saw the bright yellow and blue of the Build A Bear store.

“I figure it was time you got a replacement for Dribble for you to hug when the nightmares get bad.” Shelby explained as they walked toward the storefront.

That’s how Shelby made Toni cry for the third time that day.


	29. Chapter 29

Shelby woke up excitedly. It was finally the day of Toni’s orthodontist appointment.

It was the last big step in getting rid of the physical aftermath of the break in. And one step closer to them getting to join the girls on the world tour. Shelby was so excited to get back to traveling, to go to France, Italy, England, Ireland, she wanted to go everywhere now that she would have her girl with her. She dreamed last night of kissing Toni in front of the Eiffel Tower at night, the lights sparkling behind them.

The last 2 weeks had been full of baby steps.

They had both started seeing a therapist and it had been a big help. Shelby’s therapist had shared tips with her of how-to best care for someone with PTSD. Shelby had been trying to get Toni to try the breathing exercises to help center herself when she got upset. It wasn’t an automatic fix, Toni told her to fuck off more often than not. But at least having a way to try and help was something for Shelby, she didn’t feel as helpless as she did in the beginning. 

Toni was still running every morning, but at least now it was toward a goal. Toni had told her the other night that she wanted to run a half marathon. She had suggested Shelby should train with her and run it too. Shelby just hated running, she had always done better in a gym on bikes or the elliptical. 

Shelby heard the door downstairs open.

“Babe?”

“You’re up! Today is the day! “Toni said excitedly as she came up the stairs holding an orange juice for each of them.

“So, I’m going to hop in the shower, want to join me?” Toni said raising her eyebrow.

Shelby’s heart skipped a beat, this was not a baby step, this was a big old step. Shelby made eye contact with Toni who was standing at the end of the bed, the light in Toni’s eyes had been slowly returning. This morning her eyes were lighter and the mischievous twinkle was struggling to break through. Shelby whispered not breaking eye contact.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure, c’mon babe, let’s conserve some water.” Toni said walking around to the side of the bed, putting the orange juice bottles down and taking Shelby’s hand.

Shelby smiled up at her and let her help her up and pull her into her. Shelby reached up to stroke Toni’s cheek with her thumb and kiss her softly. She couldn’t wait until Toni finally had the wire off and they could make out probably. Surprisingly, even to herself, she thinks kissing might be what she misses most about Toni having full use of her mouth.

“I love you.” Shelby said as she continued to look into those brown eyes that she knew she could get lost in.

“I love… your ass.” Toni teased as she grabbed Shelby’s ass with both hands and lifting her up. Shelby wrapped her arms around her laughing and nuzzled her head into Toni letting her carry her into the bathroom. It was about time they christen the shower her at the Galveston house.

They ended up losing track of time, which Shelby was not complaining about, not even a little. But they had to rush out of the house to get to Toni’s doctor’s appointment on time. Toni looked so adorable with her wet hair hanging down her shoulders, an old basketball hoodie and basketball shorts on. Shelby loved when she dressed like that, it reminded her of the girl she fell in love with on the island.

“You look good today,” Shelby said as she got into the passenger seat. She was grateful Toni had been cleared to drive again, they both liked it better that way.

“You are blind, but thank you. You look beautiful as always.” Toni said blushing smiling her shy sweet smile at Shelby. It was one of Shelby’s favorite smiles. She leaned in to kiss Toni’s shoulder and distract her so she could grab the AUX cord.

“Damn! That was smooth. You are lucky I’m still blissed out from our shower. Just no super whiny country, please?” Toni asked sticking her bottom lip out.

“You are perfecting that pout but it will never be the patented Goodkind pout.” Shelby laughed as she plugged her phone in and played her latest playlist. “I’m Glad You Exist,” by Dan and Shay coming through the car’s amazing sound system.

“That pout is irresistible, don’t think I will ever reach that level.” Toni teased. Shelby chuckled and settled back in her seat.

“I wanted to talk to you about something. I stopped to talk to Tomak on my way home from my run this morning.” Toni said her eyes straight ahead on the road. Shelby felt herself getting nervous, she could sense the mood in the car shift to something more serious than their lighthearted banter.

“Did you know A. he’s a wedding planner and B. he’s a drag queen?” Toni asked.

“What’s a drag queen? Like he dresses up like a girl?” Shelby asked a little embarrassed, even though she had technically been out for 2 years now, she didn’t know a whole lot about gay culture.

“You will see, he invited us to his show this weekend. He can get us on the no id list.” Toni said raising her eyebrows. Shelby was excited but also nervous to go to a drag show. She had seen commercials for Drag Race but never seen more than a clip and had never really paid attention.

“So, is he like transgender? Is that the right word?” Shelby asked.

“Tomak and I didn’t discuss his gender identity, just because he performs in drag, doesn’t mean he identifies as a woman. Transgender and being a drag performer are totally different things but not necessarily mutually exclusive. Transgender means that their gender identity doesn’t correspond with the sex they were born. Does that make sense?” Toni explained softly. Shelby was grateful the Toni never made her feel ignorant or uneducated when she asked questions about things she had never learned or been exposed to.

“I have so much to learn.” Shelby said shaking her head.

“You want to learn, that’s the most important part. I’m excited, I haven’t been to a drag show since I went to one of Emmitt’s forever ago.”

“Wait! Emmitt is a drag queen? Your old roommate from the group home?” Shelby was shocked, she had had no idea.

“Yeah, I mean we were young so he did all ages open mic nights occasionally but he was pretty good. So anyway talking to Tomak this morning just made me realize how perfect this town, this block, this neighborhood are for us. I was wondering if um..” Toni stammered and made the weird face she had been making since her jaw was wired when she got nervous, it was like she was trying to bite her lip but obviously couldn’t so it ended up being this weird elongated face.

“I was wondering if maybe you would want to stay here, like permanently, and maybe take a few trips but forgo the world tour for now and break it into trips rather than one long trip.” Toni said. Shelby couldn’t help the surge of disappointment she felt, she had so been looking forward to having no responsibilities and bouncing around Europe with her friends for a few months. Thinking about it from Toni’s perspective though, she got it, she liked stability and with her therapist here and things finally starting to settle down, it might be a good idea for her to stay put for a bit.

Before Shelby could answer, a bright red Maserati ran the red light opposite them right as Toni had started through the intersection. Toni threw her arm out to protect Shelby, slammed on her brakes and laid on the horn. The car just flew right on by inches in front of where Toni had been able to stop the car.

“Fuck he could have fucking killed us. FUCK,” Toni yelled. Her fists clenched as she slowly moved forward in the intersection. Shelby could see her anger building, all of her typical tell tale signs were there, the little bit of sweat where her hairline met her earlobe. Her shoulders were so tense they were up by her ears. The hand that was not on the wheel was clenching and unclenching so hard it was turning bright red.

“Fuck I should fucking follow him and give him a taste of his own medicine,” Toni said, her voice shaking.

“Babe take 3 deep breaths. Please, with me,” Shelby instructed as she took one deep breath. Toni was still seething. Shelby took another deep breath and this time Toni joined her. “Put your hand on your heart, like our therapists said. He doesn’t matter in our heart of hearts. We are both safe and that is all that matters.” Shelby said as Toni breathed deep a few times her hand on her chest. Shelby could see her shoulder relax back down.

“I just get so scared that something bad is going to happen to you,” Toni said her voice still shaking. Shelby leaned in and put her hand on Toni’s thigh and kissed her shoulder.

“I’m here and we are both safe because you are a kick ass braker,” Shelby joked and was relieved when a small smile appeared on Toni’s lips.

Shelby’s phone rang, “All my Exes Live in Texas,” the ring tone Dottie had picked for herself.

“Hey Dottie, what time is it there?” Shelby picked up the phone.

“I’m at the Houston airport, will you come pick me up?” Dottie sobbed. 


	30. Chapter 30

“Toni baby what’s up?” Fatin answered.

“Fatin, do you know where I am?” Toni asked tersely.

“Um is that a rhetorical question? Texas?” Fatin asked.

“I am currently sitting alone in a Doctor’s office waiting to get this fucking wire out. Why am I alone Fatin?” Toni asked.

“Um, where is Shelby?” Fatin asked.

“Good question Fatin, where is Shelby?” Toni countered, speaking as low as possible since she was sitting in the doctor’s office waiting room. She was trying to keep her anger in.

“I am not very good at this game Toni. Am I supposed to know?” Fatin asked.

“I am alone because Shelby is currently driving to the Houston airport to pick up Dottie.” Toni heard Fatin breath an audible sigh. “What the fuck happened Fatin?” Toni whispered but still notice the older woman next to her bristle.

“I don’t know Toni. We woke up yesterday and Dot and all her stuff were gone. I am glad she is somewhere safe though.” Fatin answered.

“You said you were handling the situation Fatin! Dottie in Houston is not you handling the situation, what did she say when you talked to her about it?” Toni asked.

“Well… see about that…. When I said I was handling it what I meant was… everything had gone back to normal. To the point where Leah was basically acting like she only had sex with Ben. Like she didn’t even fucking remember I was there. To the point where she cried for a day and a half when we left New Zealand. And Dottie acted like everything was cool the next day. So, we just went on like that. I never actually talked to either of them about it.” Fatin said.

“That still does not explain why Dottie is currently in Houston and I have to be at this appointment by myself Fatin.” Toni said, shooting a dirty look at the lady next to her that was very clearly listening to every word.

“Well, so Leah pretended nothing happened until 2 nights ago. We were super drunk and we made out at the club.” Fatin confessed.

“You need to talk to Dot!” Toni practically shouted, forgetting to keep her voice down.

“I’ve tried Toni, she wont answer any calls, texts, DMs, radio silence.” Fatin responded.

“Did you want to kiss Leah?” Toni asked.

“It didn’t suck. But.. I might want to kiss Dot too but I don’t know if she would want to. I don’t know Toni. Things have just been different without Shelby here. You know I am an expert at sexual tension, and there has been a lot of that. I have no idea what to do with it or what it means in this situation.”

“Ms. Shalifoe?” The dental assistant came out holding a clipboard and calling her name.

“Fix this Fatin. I don’t care how. Just fix it.” Toni said as she stood up and practically punched the red phone button on her screen, knowing Fatin couldnt see how she hung up the phone but it still made her feel better. 

Toni couldn’t stop sticking her tongue out, opening and closing her mouth, biting her lip, running her tongue over the outside of her teeth, all the things she hadn’t been able to do for over a month.

It felt so good to be rid of the last physical reminder. She still had a bandage on her hand but it wasn’t all wrapped anymore and the scarring had started. The circular scars were all the reminder she needed of that night.

She was so ready to kiss Shelby properly. She couldn’t help be so angry at Fatin for messing everything up so that Toni couldn’t have her fiancée all to herself today. She would never deny one of her friends who needed a place to crash, it was just unfortunate timing for Toni.

She was also really looking forward to eating something not through a straw. She had no idea what she wanted to eat first. The surgeon had cautioned against anything super chewy or anything super greasy, cautioned that she should ease into solid food, both for her jaw and her stomach’s sake. Toni was sitting on a bench outside the doctor’s office, just enjoying the sun, waiting for her Uber.

~Facetime Ring~

Toni smiled, and answered Shelby’s facetime request. Shelby’s beautiful face popped up and Dottie. It was good to see her, even if her eyes were puffy and sad. Fucking Fatin. This whole situation was such a mess. She felt for Dottie. She couldn’t imagine if Shelby had been interested in someone else on the island and how hard it would be to be around both of them all the day.

“Hey Dottie!” Toni said as she answered.

“Um excuse me? Dottie shows up and I am all of a sudden chopped liver.” Shelby teased, smiling one of her smiles that went right to her eyes.

“Yup, that’s exactly what happens. I mean its Dottie!” Toni said, she was glad Shelby was playing along. It looks like Dottie needs a little extra loving and praise right now.

“Open your mouth!” Shelby said excitedly.

“Um is this about to go somewhere weird? Should I hide in my hoodie?” Dottie teased.

Toni laughed and opened her mouth wide, still feeling a little hitch in her jaw, getting used to the sensation of moving it again.

“Yay! I’m so glad that wire is finally gone!” Shelby said.

“I know me too.” Toni smiles. The weight and darkness from that day had been slowly lifting the last few weeks thanks to her therapist but most importantly Shelby, today felt like one more big stone had been rolled away.

“Want us to grab some food on our way back from the airport?” Shelby asked.

“Yes please! Takis! And maybe Olive Garden to go?” Toni said, they had been the two things she ahd been craving the most.

“Weirdest combination ever.” Dottie said rolling her eyes.

“We are on it.” Shelby said.

A black Escalade pulled up, Toni had decided to go with Uber Black to celebrate finally losing that damn wire. Toni was still not able to wrap her head around the amount of money they actually had and she still had to justify to herself little luxuries like this. Part of her hoped she always felt the joy in the little luxuries even though they could afford really anything she wanted.

“Alright my car is here, I will see you guys at the house.” Toni said, making a kissy face that she knew Dottie would give her shit for later. The other Unsinkables had long since be shocked by how soft Toni was when it came to Shelby but she didn’t think they would ever stop giving shit for it.

As Toni rode the short 20-minute ride back to the house, Toni thought about the other thing she had been struggling with since the settlement had come through, the feeling of lack of purpose. She had always had school and at least one job since she was old enough to start working.

Now all of a sudden, her days were completely hers. Training for the half marathon was definitely helping to give some structure and purpose to her days and her workouts, but she felt like she needed something else. She had been considering looking for a job, something she truly enjoyed doing. She thought back to the Rec Center job she had in Minnesota working with the kids after school, she had loved the job. She knew they didn’t need the money anymore but she felt so unfettered without working.

She knew the near accident this morning had interrupted their conversation about staying put for a bit, but she had seen in the disappointment in Shelby’s eyes in the rearview mirror. She was pretty sure the best thing for both of them individually was not the same thing right now and wouldn’t necessarily be the best thing for their relationship.

Therapy had taught Toni to communicate what she needed but how would it work when the two things she needed most weren’t fair to Shelby. She knew she needed to stay and put some roots down for a while, feel safe in one place for a bit, and she knew she needed Shelby.

The Escalade pulled up outside the house, drawing Toni out of her thoughts. There was something on their porch?

As Toni got out she looked at the basket filled with sweets, 2 bottles of wine and a six pack of an IPA. She knew it had to be from Tomak and Jeff. She had just told Tomak about her developing taste for IPAs even though she knew she technically shouldn’t have a taste for anything yet since she wasn’t 21 yet.

She smiled as she read the card, “Congrats on ditching the wire! You are 21 right?” A hand drawn winking face was right above a heart and -JTC, Jeff, Tomak, and Clarice. This gift was one of the many reasons she knew she needed to stay, she just hoped telling Shelby went better than last time…


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like it was time again for another mainly smut chapter, so id that's not your thing, feel free to skip to the very end. 
> 
> Dottie is the ultimate wing woman.

“The sun is coming up,” Dottie said getting up from the lounge chair on Shelby and Toni’s back porch.

She stood at the railing getting ready to snap a picture of the sun rise.

Shelby and Dottie had stayed up all night talking.

Dot finally confessed she had feelings for Fatin but also that she might have feelings for Leah.

It was all so confusing for Dottie. Shelby knew that feeling. Dottie may not have grown up with Dave Goodkind, but she had grown up in the same place. Fort Travis was a very traditional place. There weren’t a lot of non-traditional relationships modeled in Fort Travis.

It felt so good to just talk to Dottie. The truth was, having a friend here was nice. She loved Toni but it was nice and necessary to have someone else to talk to as well. It was just so easy to get lost in Toni. She had been in love with her since she was 17 and she planned to be in love with her when she was 71 but she knew that would only happen if they didn’t get so completely lost in each other.

Toni had brought up not wanting to go a world tour like they had planned. Shelby’s immediate reaction had been disappointment, but what if Toni was onto something.

Toni had discovered running which was something she surprisingly really seemed to enjoy. Shelby needed to find her thing, and she felt like maybe she already had. Traveling and discovering new places had been so fulfilling.

What if she could take shorter, more purposeful trips and still come home to Toni. Toni could come when she wanted, hopefully Dottie, Leah and Fatin would come along. She hoped Toni would understand that by still wanting to go on trips that she didn’t want to leave her, she just wanted to have something that was her own.

Almost on cue, Toni came out onto the porch in her running clothes. She looked good, her legs had become super toned and she had put some of the weight she had lost back on. Shelby couldn’t help licking her lips and letting her eyes scan Toni’s body. Shelby couldn’t take her eyes off of her. She was glad Dottie was here but man she had really wished they had been able to celebrate Toni getting her wire off the way they had planned.

“Did you guys sleep at all?” Toni asked as she grabbed her heels behind her stretching her legs. Shelby’s mind was absolutely in the gutter this morning because looking at Toni stretching just made her want to put that flexibility to a different use.

Dottie said something but honestly Shelby had no idea what. She was imagining herself in bed with Toni, her putting that brand new jaw to use.

“Shelby? Right?”

“Huh? Uh yeah.” Shelby responded nodding finally looking away from Toni.

Toni and Dottie both laughed as Toni waved her hand behind her, put her airpods in and took off down the beach.

“You can put your tongue back in your mouth now, she’s out of sight. It is nice to know that nothing has changed with you two, you are as much a mess about her as you were on the island. Maybe I borrow your car and get out and explore Galveston for a few hours, give you two some time?

“No, no Dottie you don’t have to do that.” Shelby said, feeling bad. She knew Dottie was vulnerable and still upset about everything with Fatin and Leah, she didn’t want to do anything that would make her feel like a third wheel again. She had to admit the idea of a few hours alone with Toni sounded really nice right now.

“No for real, y’all take some time and I’ll do some recon for stuff I might wanna do. I know Toni said something about a Drag Show this weekend?”

“Yeah, Saturday night, our neighbor is performing. I mean if you sure you don’t mind Dottie?” Shelby asked trying to keep the anticipation out of her voice.

“Yeah, give me a chance to pick some cool stuff to do, while I figure out where I go next.” Dottie said looking off in the distance. Fatin and Dottie had given up the lease on their apartment, their stuff was in storage too while they traveled. Shelby couldn’t imagine all the things going on in Dottie’s head and heart. They had talked for hours but every time the conversation drifted to Fatin or Leah, Dottie got so uncomfortable, way more nervous than Shelby had ever seen her. She wasn’t used to the vulnerable side of Dottie, she was always such a badass, the one that kept all of them together.

Dottie took one of the cars, instructions to text when she found a good place for lunch. They had not explored any restaurants yet because Toni couldn’t eat obviously and Shelby tried to limit how much she ate in front of her.

Shelby figured Toni should be almost finished up her run, giving her a few minutes to prep. She jogged upstairs, changed into a new lace black bra and thong she had been saving, threw on her fluffy pink robe. She looked out the balcony off the master to get an idea how much time she had, she could see Toni not too far off, she had to hurry back down to the kitchen.

Shelby took the stairs two at a time, grabbed the supplies she needed from the fridge and pantry, lined them up on the island and pulled herself up to sit on the kitchen island to wait for Toni.

It was only a few moments before she heard Toni’s footsteps on the porch.

Shelby shook a little with anticipation as Toni slid back the sliding glass door. 

“Babe?” Toni asked, her eyes going wide as she took in the whipped cream, chocolate sauce, honey, and jar of peanut butter.

“Dottie borrowed the car and is going to explore for a few hours, I hope you don’t mind.” Shelby said as she hopped down from the island and took off her robe revealing the black lace lingerie

.

“Fuck the car, thank you Dottie!” Toni yelled upwards causing Shelby to crack up. Toni closed the distance between them in two impossibly large quick steps.

Wrapping her arms around Shelby and picking her up. Shelby laughed and wrapped her legs around Toni’s waist as she kissed her deeply. Toni carried her back over to the island and cleared the few things there to the other side laying Shelby back. Shelby propped herself up on her elbows to watch as Toni stood in front of Shelby and quickly disposed of her leggings, panties, and sports bra.

MMM watching her undress was always so exciting, knowing what was coming, Toni wasn’t playing around today though, no teasing while she took her clothes off. She hitched herself up on the island and situated the supplies in easy reach and straddled Shelby. Shelby noted that a kitchen island at least this big would be a must have for any future house they bought.

Shelby let her eyes just take in the view of Toni on top of her a moment or two, seeing that Toni was doing the same, biting her bottom lip like she always did when she was turned on. Shelby had missed that face.

Toni leaned down kissing Shelby deeply, her tongue immediately seeking Shelby’s. Shelby let herself sigh into Toni’s mouth. She had missed the feeling of Toni’s tongue in her mouth and her being able to explore Toni’s mouth with her own tongue. Shelby put her arms around Toni’s back pulling her down closer to her.

Toni moaned lowly into Shelby’s mouth as they continued kissing for a few minutes, the kiss getting deeper, more needy. Shelby pouted when Toni pulled away and propped herself up, she picked up the whipped cream.

“Open your mouth.” Toni instructed. Shelby stopped pouting and opened her mouth wide.

Toni sprayed whipped cream directly into Shelby mouth and her mouth was immediately back on Shelby’s own, her tongue scooping up the whipped cream. The sensation of the cream and Toni’s tongue all around her mouth was amazing.

Toni took the whipped cream and sprayed some on Shelby’s neck as moved her neck to give Toni even more room to cover. Shelby watched as she sprayed a line of the whipped cream down her neck and around the top of her bra and then two dots on the bra’s surface right on her nipples.

“You wanna take it off?” Shelby asked, starting to lean up.

“No ma’am, not yet.” Toni said shaking her head. She obviously had a plan which turned Shelby on even more.

Hairs stood up on the back of Shelby’s neck and she gasped as Toni’s mouth and tongue languidly made their way down from her jawline to the skin right above her breasts. She could feel herself getting wet as she propped herself up to watch Toni’s tongue work. Toni kept eye contact with her as her tongue worked its way across her chest and as she hungrily took each breast in turn in her mouth sucking off the whipped cream.

“Damn Toni, that feels so fucking good. I love the way your tongue feels on my nipples” Shelby said breathily as Toni let her tongue wander across the lace of her bra, she knew it always came Toni an extra kick of pleasure when Shelby talked dirty during sex.

“Baby, I’ve barely gotten started. I’ve been waiting a long time for this.” Toni said with a playful glint in her eyes.

Toni grabbed the honey, licking her lips again and drizzled the honey all over her neck and shoulder. Toni knew how much sucking on Shelby’s neck turned her on. The sticky feeling of the honey being drizzled on her turned Shelby even more than she expected and she let out a moan as the honey touched her skin. She saw the spark of recognition in Toni’s eye, knowing she was noting the positive response the honey got.

Shelby had no idea how long Toni spent lavishing attention on neck, shoulders and upper chest, Shelby left herself lay back completely just enjoying the feel of her fiancé’s mouth all over her, licking the sweet honey and sucking and biting as she went. Shelby couldn’t help moaning.

When she finally couldn’t take it anymore, she snaked her hand down between them, reaching into her panties, going to touch herself, Toni was turning her on so much.

Toni’s hand caught her wrist right as she was about to dip her finger inside herself.

“Not yet, patience is a virtue my love. I’ve had to wait over three months for this, we are doing this my way.” Toni said.

“It just feels so good, I’m so wet.” Shelby whined. Shelby whined but the reality was, Toni rarely took control in the bedroom like this and it was definitely a turn on for her to hear Toni tell her no.

Toni smiled a wicked grin and just shook her head no and moved her head up to meet Shelby’s mouth in a sweet sticky kiss, Shelby tasting the honey on her tongue. While Shelby was leaning up, Toni reached behind her and unhooked her bra. Shelby shrugged out of it and allowed Toni to toss onto the kitchen floor.

Toni opened the peanut butter, grabbed a knife out of the drawer and smeared the peanut butter on both of Shelby’s nipples and areolas. The cold metal on her nipples, sent more shockwaves through her, Shelby had lost track of how many new and amazing sensations she felt today.

Shelby gasped as Toni took one of her breasts into her mouth, feeling her tongue all over her nipple and breast, loving the quick slips of her tongue as she lapped up the peanut butter and sucked her breast clean, Shelby dug her nails into Toni’s back as she let her head drop back from how amazing it felt.

“Toni, please, I need you to touch me, please baby, please, I need you inside me right now. I’m throbbing for you.” Shelby begged.

Shelby sighed in anticipation of relief as Toni reached down as if her to touch her, Shelby could feel you fingers hover right above her panties, and then Toni just shook her head and moved her hand back up to holding Shelby’s stomach as she smiled and took Shelby’s other breast in her mouth.

“Ugh.. you are such a tease Shalifoe.” Shelby half groaned half moaned as Toni’s mouth and tongue continued their assault on her breast. Shelby couldn’t help but get turned on knowing how many marks she was going to have after this escapade.

Toni bit down on her nipple a little as Shelby let out a loud deep moan.

“Fuck, I missed your mouth.” Shelby breathed.

Toni took the chocolate sauce and Shelby felt her anticipation growing as Toni moved herself down to where Shelby needed her desperately. Shelby bent her legs up as Toni finally pulled her panties down and dropped them on the floor. Toni drizzled the chocolate slowly over the side of each of Shelby’s inner thighs and her hip bones.

“Please,” Shelby begged again raising her hips, desperate for contact as Toni began licking and sucking at her hip bones and finally Shelby felt two fingers exploring her wetness and slowly gently teasing her, not making any contact with her clit and barely pressing into her and then coming right back out, Toni continuing to tease her as her mouth moved down to her inner thigh.

Propping herself up again to enjoy the view of Toni’s tongue licking the chocolate off, loving how warm and amazing Toni’s tongue felt making her squirm with how close yet still how far away her mouth was from where she needed it. Shelby put one hand on the back of Toni’s head and pushed it over the few inches to her core.

Shelby thought she would resist but thankfully Shelby finally felt the contact she needed as Toni’s tongue went right for her clit and Shelby felt herself pushed over the edge immediately. Her thighs immediately collapsing around Toni’s head as her whole body rocked, Toni’s name falling from her lips over and over. It is one of the strongest orgasms she thinks she may have ever had and it came on so uncontrollably like her body had also been waiting all this time to feel Toni’s mouth on her again.

She collapsed back on the counter trying to get her breath back.

“We take this on up to the shower babe?” Toni asked taking Shelby in her arms as if she was carrying her across a threshold.

Shelby nodded, leaning into Toni and kissing her neck as she carried up the steps.

After a steamy shower, not just the temperature, Toni wrapped Shelby in one their big fluffy towels before she wrapped one around herself.

“Worth the wait?” Shelby asked

“That was fucking amazing but I never want to have to go that long again without getting to taste you.” Toni said leaning in and kissing Shelby softly. Shelby can’t help but lean into the kiss, she had missed this so much. Her hands reaching to undo Toni’s towel, deepening the kiss.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but don’t you think you should check to see if Dottie texted you? I don’t want to leave her hanging.” Toni said, pulling away and shaking her head at herself and rewrapping her towel.

“Ugh, I know you are right. I just want to do this forever.” Shelby said as she turned to start going down the stairs to grab her phone.

“Fucking Fatin.” Toni exclaimed from upstairs.

“What’s wrong?” Shelby called.

“Fatin and Leah land in Houston tomorrow at 9 am.” Toni responded.


	32. Chapter 32

“What has Dot told you about why she’s here?” Toni asked as she backed the SUV out of the driveway.

“Just that she thinks Fatin and Leah are getting together and it made her really uncomfortable because she has feelings… um… for both of them. Don’t tell her I told you that.” Shelby said as she rubbed her thumb up Toni’s hand she was holding.

“Did you she tell you about the threesome?” Toni asked.

“Wait, what? Fatin, Leah, and Dot had a threesome?” Shelby exclaimed.

“No, Fatin and Leah had a threesome with some guy. Dot walked in.” Toni responded.

“Wait did Fatin just tell you this? When did this happen?” Shelby asked.

This is what Toni had been afraid of. Did she lie and tell her Fatin just told her? But then she would have to be nervous the whole time Fatin was here that she would mention Toni talking her down that morning. Lying always beget more lying.

“It happened a few weeks back and um Fatin told me not to say anything.”

“Wait. Hold on? You knew that Dottie had walked in on Fatin and Leah for weeks? Did you check in with Dottie? And I thought we didn’t keep things from each other?” Shelby said as she took her hand back and put it on her knee. She was mad.

“Fatin said not to. And no I didn’t check in with Dot. Fatin said she was taking care of it.” Toni said meekly, she knew it sounded like a cop out because it was. She should have told Shelby. She knew that. She should have absolutely checked in with Dot.

“Do you do everything Fatin tells you to do? And I don’t think we should be taking sides in this. Whatever this situation is. I can’t you let Dottie be alone with all this.” Shelby said, a noticeable chill to her voice.

“It’s not like that.” Toni said. Damnit this was not going well and she honestly didn’t have any excuse.

“It’s fine,” Shelby said. Uh oh. The kiss of death. It was most assuredly not fine.

“So how do we tell Dot that Fatin and Leah are coming here tomorrow?” Toni asked. Trying to ease the tension that had developed.

“That’s all on you. You let me off the hook when you kept information from me. Im assuming you told Fatin that Dot was here and that is why they are coming. You didn’t even ask me if I thought telling Fatin was a good idea or if maybe I don’t know wait a few days and let Dot get settled first before you told her. But its very obvious you are on Fatin’s side.” Shelby said, the chill in her voice morphing into a bubbling anger.

Toni knew she had messed up but Shelby wasn’t being entirely fair. Why wouldn’t she tell Fatin that Dottie was here? She knew Fatin would be involved in the why.

“There are no sides. I told Fatin she had to fix it. I said I didn’t care how she did it but she needed to fix it.” Toni responded. She reached her free hand to sit on Shelby’s hand on her knee. Shelby moved her hand away. Toni flinched, it was rare that she made Shelby mad enough to not want to hold her hand.

“You’ve always had a soft spot for Fatin, you can’t even consider that she might not be the one to fix it and that maybe her flirting and insensitivity for people’s feelings caused Dottie’s confusion?” Shelby said.

“Dottie’s confusion. What the hell do you mean?” Toni asked as she pulled onto the street where the restaurant Dottie found was located.

“She thinks she has feelings for both of them.” Shelby explained.

“Well, maybe she does, that doesn’t mean she’s confused or that any of it is Fatin’s fault.” Toni felt herself getting more and more frustrated. Shelby had admitted to being jealous years ago, on the island, of how Fatin and Toni flirted. Toni had tried to explain that they were both natural flirts and it was all a joke. They didn’t have any feelings for each other. Toni wondered if some of that resentment was still present that Toni had been the one Fatin told and that Toni had kept her secret.

“Dot is waiting.” Shelby said reaching for the door.

“Shelby, wait, we have to figure out how we are going to tell her.” Toni pleaded.

“That’s all on you. You didn’t value my input enough before; you don’t need it now.” Shelby said as she got out of the car, shut the door and started walking to the restaurant.

Ugh. Toni hit the steering wheel. Fucking Fatin. She had gotten her into this mess. Shelby and Toni were not good at arguing, they didn’t do it very often. They weren’t like tv couples that bickered as foreplay. Sure they teased each other playfully but rarely actually got annoyed.

Toni walked into the restaurant and was looking around for Shelby and Dot when the hostess approached her. “Looking for someone?” The waitress asked. She was super friendly as touched Toni’s arm as she asked.

“Yeah a blonde woman and woman with short red hair.” Toni responded, not even registering that the woman looked her up and down. Dot had cut her hair short and died it a brighter red, it looked good on her, suited her personality.

“Come with me, I’ll show you. Are you visiting? I haven’t seen you around before.” The hostess said as she hooked her arm in Toni’s and led her to the back of the restaurant.

“Nah, just moved here, thinking of sticking around for a bit.” Toni responded as they turned a corner and Shelby and Dot came into view. She saw Shelby’s green eyes flare looking directly at the waitress’s arm in hers.

Fuck.

Toni took her arm away, pretending to scratch her face.

“Well hopefully you make yourself a regular, I’m Aubrey. Enjoy!” The hostess said as they reached the table. She touched Toni’s shoulder as she left.

“Unbelievable, first you keep things from me and then you flirt with the waitress? Unbelievable.” Shelby whisper-yelled. Toni had learned all about whisper-yelling in her past jobs as a server. Couples felt like they were hiding the fact that they were having drama by whisper-yelling. Truth was, the server and all the tables around always knew. They always knew.

“I wasn’t flirting.” Toni said looing at Dot for reinforcements and Dot just shrugged and shook her head.

“Shel, I love you, not some random hostess. She was just being friendly.” Toni said.

“Well, she was not that friendly with me. How about you Dottie? Was she that friendly with you?” Shelby asked.

“I put in a couple of appetizers, fried pickles and potato skins. Is that cool or are there any other apps y’all want? Dot said. She was smart the master of deflection.

“Nah those sounds good. So I have to tell you something Dot and I don’t really know how to tell you. So, I called Fatin to let her know you were here. I told her to fix it. So… um her and Leah are land tomorrow morning, they are about to board their first flight out of Prague.” Toni said sheepishly. Shelby was decidedly not looking at Toni and had a scowl on her face and judging by Dot’s face, this wasn’t welcome news.

“Why didn’t you just ask me what happened? Why did you have to go to Fatin? I just thought I would have more time to think before I saw Fatin or Leah.” Dot asked.

“Because she apparently does whatever Fatin says including keeping things from her fiancé.” Shelby spat. At least she is still identifying herself as my fiancée Toni thought to herself, trying to find some silver lining in the situation.

“Shelby. It’s not like that. Fatin called me after you um walked in on.. them, so I knew things were tense but Fatin told me she was taking care of it so I didn’t say anything to Shelby. But when you called, I realized that obviously Fatin had not taken care of it so I called her. You are right Dot, I should have talked to you about it. I’m sorry.” Toni said.

“Well Dot, at least you got an apology. More than I received.” Shelby said her arms crossed over her chest.

“I just, I am not ready for them to be here yet. I need to figure out my feelings.” Dot said shaking her head as the fried pickles and potato skins arrived. They all ate in relative silence. Toni reached out for Shelby’s hand twice, rejected both times. 

“Dot, maybe talking to them will help? Having an honest conversation with both of them and see where things go? I know Fatin felt awful about the way things happened. But I got you Dot and I’m here to support you in any way. If you would rather them stay at a hotel and you stay at the house with us, just say the word and I will make them hotel reservations.” Toni said offering a small smile, Toni was looking right at Dot but she caught a small smile forming on Shelby’s lips out of the corner of her eye. Progress.

“I don’t know bro. I don’t know what to do with what I’m feeling.” Dot said putting her head in her hands on the table.

“Maybe they are not sure what to do either, you need to just put it out there and be honest with each other.” Toni said. She felt for the girl, she really did.

“Putting it out there. Honesty.” Shelby huffed.

“Shel, babe, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I am. I promise.” Toni said reaching for her hand. Luckily this time Shelby let her but she still had a scowl. Progress.

They walked their dinner off in the cute little business district where the restaurant was. They eventually walked to the beach. They took off those shoes and walked in the sand. Over the years when people discovered Toni’s affinity for the beach, and particularly sand, they never understood it.

They thought she should hate beaches and sand after having been stranded for so long. No one else seemed to understand how bonding the island had been and how many good memories they had made there.

Dot sat down on a piece of driftwood as Shelby walked toward the water line. Toni said next to Dot.

“Dude, I am sorry for telling Fatin without talking to you first.” Toni said, hitting Dot with her shoulder.

“I know. It’s okay, really. You are right. I need to talk to them. But I don’t know what to do with feelings for two people. And what if neither has feelings for me?” Dot said nervously. Toni realized her and Dot were more similar than she had realized. They came across as tough but they were turned into bumbling, nervous softies for the right people.

“Dot, I really don’t think that’s the case, but if it is wouldn’t you rather know now? Rather than not say anything and wonder?” Toni said.

“Rip the band aid off? Really? That’s what you fucking have for me in this moment?” Dot said laughing and Toni laughed with her.

“Cut me some slack, I am not known for being able to talk about feelings.” Toni joked back.

“Yeah, we’re good. I know you have a point. Go talk to her.” Dot said, angling her head toward Shelby.

Toni nodded and stood up, heading to the water line where Shelby was kicking the sand with the tip of her shoe.

“Hey babe. I am sorry. Fatin told me when I was all in my head a few weeks ago. And I made a bad judgement call.” Toni said.

Shelby reached down to take Toni’s hand in hers.

“My feelings were just hurt that you didn’t trust me. And I was upset that you didn’t reach out to Dottie. I know what it feels like to have confusing feelings for someone and feel all alone with those feelings. Remember how hard I hit that bottle of Vodka when I was trying to avoid loving you?” Shelby said.

“I know I screwed up. I think we can better help our friends together than against each other. No sides?” Toni asked holding out her arms. Shelby smiled and settled into Toni’s hug.

“No sides.” Shelby said.

When they got back to the house they settled on the back deck, Shelby sipping on the wine Tomak and Jeff gave them and Toni and Dot working on the 6 pack.

“This house is the shit guys. How long are you staying here?” Dot said, standing by the railing watching the sunset over the water.

“We’re not really sure,” Shelby answered. Toni knew they were going to have to talk at some point about what the plan was, hopefully after they figured everything out with their friends.

Shelby’s phone chimed.

“Oh shoot, it’s Thursday night. I’m going to go inside and take this.” Without fail, Shelby had a video call with her mom, Melody, and Spencer every Thursday night. Toni sometimes sat and talked for a while but there was only so much she could take about high school football, cheerleading and pageants.

“Wanna take a walk?” Dot asked opening her hand and revealing a perfectly rolled joint.

“Hell yes. How did you even? You fly with that shit?” Toni said as she stood up and finished her beer.

“Nah, bought it off some kid when I was exploring. Ex-dealers recognize their own,” Dot said with a shrug. Toni had to laugh. Most of the time she forgot about Don’t past extracurricular activities. However, this particularly skill set benefitted Toni so she was all for it. 

“Even got us an invite to a party. I told him I was staying with 2 friends. He said to come on by tomorrow night. I didn’t tell him that my two friends are engaged to each other and I was trying to figure out which of my two best friends I wanted to fuck.” Dot said lighting the joint and taking a hit.

“Why not both?” Toni asked as she took the J taking a hit and holding the smoke in a few a minute. She hadn’t smoked since Shelby had come back. She had picked up a lot of bad habits while Christina had been staying with her but occasionally smoking weed wasn’t going to hurt anyone.

“I don’t even know how that would work?” Dot asked as she sat down on the sand and Toni sat next to her, passing the joint back and forth.

“I think you have to talk to them, to see what it would look like for each of you, but I mean polyamory seems to work for a lot of people,” Toni said, as she began playing with the sand in front of her.

“You and the damn sand. Would you ever try it?” Dot asked.

“Polyamory? Nah, I like having someone that is all mine. My therapist would tie it back to my childhood trauma or some bullshit. Also, did you see how jealous Shelby got when that hostess so much as touched my arm? She’s too jealous for all that.” Toni teased, letting the sand run through her fingers. Toni loved playing in the sand, Dot was right, just the motion of doing it brought her back to their time on the island.

“Do you ever miss it?” Dot asked as if reading Toni’s mind.

“The island? Yeah. People think it is so fucked up to miss it. But we were totally free you know? Only responsible for keeping each other alive.” Toni said.

“Do you think you and Shelby would have started anything if you didn’t start it on the island? “ Dot asked.

Toni took another hit as she thought. She has no idea what would have happened if they had been rescued before they had admitted to themselves and each other that they had feelings for each other.

“Fuck Dot, I really don’t know. It would have been a lot of harder, that’s for damn sure. Shelby has this idea that no matter what we wouldn’t have been able to stay away from each other. I like thinking that we still would have found a way.” Toni asked leaning back on arms, looking up at the stars.

“Yeah, that’s nice. I think its harder for us to figure out what to do because we are off the island. And like how do we explain the situation to anyone, I have two girlfriends?” Dot laughed.

“Fuck other people, for real Dot. What matters is what works for you, Fatin and Leah. Are you okay that they are coming tomorrow morning?”

“Yeah, I think I am. You are right, I think we all just need to talk. You’re actually pretty good at this Shalifoe. At giving advice.”

“Don’t tell anyone, I have a rep to uphold.” Toni said hitting her shoulder.

Sitting there under the stars with her friend, feeling the high, Toni was once again grateful in a strange way to that psycho Gretchen. Without her would Toni have ever met these Texans? The two San Fran Bay girls currently on a plane headed to them? The stubborn NY sisters?

Toni could not imagine where she would be if these girls weren’t her family. Probably not high on a Texas beach about to go back to a gorgeous house and eventually fall asleep to the beautiful woman she loved.

They finished the joint and made their way back to the house. Shelby was sitting on the deck drinking her wine wrapped in a blanket. Toni couldn’t help but think how perfect she looked, her hair pulled up in a messy bun, sipping on a glass of wine.

Shelby held up a box of cards, “Wanna play Phase 10?” Shelby asked.

“Always with the damn games,” Dot laughed but sat down on one of the chairs around the table.

“I’m going to refill my wine, y’all want another beer?” Shelby said as she got up and headed over to kiss Toni on her cheek as she walked toward the house. Shelby scrunched up nose when she got close. Toni shrugged an apology.

Shelby just laughed and shook her head, “Two beers?” Toni and Dot nodded in agreement.

Toni knew all over again that she wanted to come home to this woman for the rest of her life. No matter how many disagreements they had, this girl would always be her home.


	33. Chapter 33

Shelby sat back in the car as Toni turned the music up. They had rock paper scissored it to decide who got the AUX cord, Dottie won, which was fine by Shelby. Dottie’s Spotify was full of classic rock, a little Southern Rock, some Texas country and some random rap classics, a perfect mix.

They were headed to the airport, she could feel Dottie’s nerves coming from the backseat.

She was just excited to see Fatin and Leah. She was nervous too. She knew that when they left, she wanted to go with them.

She wanted to travel, see all the places she dreamed of. She knew Toni didn’t. At least not in the same way. Shelby had prayed this morning that they would be able to find a solution that worked for both of them. A solution that would allow for her to find a way to travel and for Toni to have the stability and home base that she craved.

Shelby held Toni’s hand letting her fingers draw spirals on her palm, the weather had been warmer than usual the last two days and the sun felt good as they drove.

“So, I figured we could go to the boardwalk, get some lunch, head back to the house, relax, grill some dinner or get takeout and then head to that party?” Dottie proposed. Shelby smiled; travel coordinator Dottie was back in action. She loved how Dottie always had an itinerary. Shelby could tell she was nervous.

“I think that sounds like a great idea Dottie. Find anything fun to do tomorrow before the drag show?” 

“Yeah, I checked the weather and its so supposed to be gorgeous so I was thinking parasailing.”

Shelby could see Toni’s excitement as she squeezed Shelby’s hand.

“That would be dope, I’ve always wanted to do that.” Toni said turning off the freeway exit for the airport.

“Leah just texted, their plane landed, they are headed to baggage now. So it might be perfect timing to pull up.” Dottie said, the nerves evident in her voice.

“Dottie, its okay, it will all work out.” Shelby said, hoping she could reassure her friend.

Dottie had been right , it was perfect timing, Toni pulled up right as Leah and Fatin were pulling their luggage out of the door.

Toni put the car in park and they all hopped up to help.

“Hey bitches, we back! Damn Shalifoe, you look hot.” Fatin said accompanied with a cat call as she enthusiastically wrapped her arms around Toni. Shelby couldn’t help but bristle at Fatin’s words. Toni’s new running habit, had her looking good and sun kissed. Shelby reminded herself that Fatin was Toni’s friend that was it. She knew she needed to keep her jealousy in check. It was hard when Toni looked that though. Shelby bit her bottom lip looking at Toni lifting the luggage into the back.

Leah came up behind Shelby. “Are you still going to look at her like that when you’ve been married 40 years?” Leah laughed.

“I hope she still looks like that in 40 years. Hey Leah,” Shelby said, pulling her friend into a side hug. “Fatin get over here,” Shelby hollered and pulled Fatin into a hug on the other side. Dottie held up her phone and snapped a pic of the three of them. It was good to have her friends back.

Shelby thinks they may have played every game on the boardwalk at least twice and rode every ride, except one. Shelby hadn’t seen Toni laugh that much since before the break in. It was a marked difference from the last time they had been at the boardwalk when Toni was still finding her way out of the dark.

“How about the crab shack for lunch?” Dottie asked.

“Can we look at the menu first? I wanna make sure there is stuff Shelby can eat.” Toni said. Shelby loved how much Toni cared for her and remembered her shellfish allergy.

“I can’t believe I forgot the allergy Shelby, want to go to that burger place instead?” Dottie asked.

“Nah, I’m sure they will have other things, I’m good.” Shelby said, snaking her hand into Toni’s as they walked. She couldn’t help but notice Fatin taking Dottie’s hand as well and them talking low in front of them.

“Alright, are we ready for the big wheel?” Dottie asked after they finished their delicious lunch, seafood for everybody but Shelby and Toni.

“Didn’t you want seafood? You love it.” Shelby said as Toni took her hand as they walked toward the big wheel, Dottie had insisted they kept it until last.

“Yes. But I love you more and I wanted to be able to do this,” Toni said as she kissed Shelby sweetly.

“Dykes!”

Shelby heard somebody yell, accompanied by a bunch of laughter. She eyed the group of teenage boys walking next to them. She felt Toni bristle next to her and she tried to prepare herself to have to talk Toni down and hold her back.

Shelby was shocked and didn’t think she had ever been prouder of anyone in her life when she heard Toni take 2 deep breaths next to her, tighten her grip on her hand, and keep walking.

Shelby leaned in and kissed Toni’s shoulder and whispered, “I’m so proud of you.”

The music blared throughout the house as everyone was getting ready. The house had 2 other bedrooms separated by a jack and jill bathroom so everyone has bouncing between the two rooms. They were all pregaming as Fatin’s fake had come in handy and they picked up a case to have at the house.

Shelby was looking through Fatin’s suitcase, glad to have her secondary wardrobe back. “Is this new?” Shelby said as she picked up a light yellow romper she hadn’t seen before.

“Yes, got it in Prague, plus that black jumpsuit and lacy dress.” Fatin called back.

Fatin was applying her makeup in the bathroom, singing loudly to the Billie Eilish song in the background.

Dottie was putting gel in her short hair and pretending to plug her ears to Fatin’s singing.

Leah was laying on the bed reading a book already dressed and waiting on everyone else.

Shelby was reminded of all the night’s getting ready on their trip, but this was even better she thought as she glanced at Toni sitting on the guest bed drinking a beer. Maybe it wasn’t the travel Shelby needed as much as she needed her friends around.

Shelby was pretty sure she had got a contact high just from walking in, not that she was surprised, Dottie had said she was invited by the guy she had bought weed from.

The music slapped, the weather was perfect and the house was bumping. It was like so many parties Shelby had been to in high school and back at their college in Minnesota but it was even better because she had her girls with her. The group of friends she had wished she had in high school.

“Drink?” Toni asked and Shelby nodded as Fatin pulled her onto the dance floor. She could spend all night dancing with her girls, letting the beat take her. Two songs passed and Toni still wasn’t back with her beer. She looked around and saw Toni with the two beers in her hand right by the cooler talking to a beautiful girl. Ugh why did this happen every time. It was like every bi-curious girl at every party had a radar for Toni.

Fatin turned around and saw what Shelby was staring at. “Easy tiger, you know she doesn’t even notice the girl is flirting with her, she never does.” Fatin said, taking her hand and twirling her ad Shelby smiled and started dancing again. She knew Fatin was right but she couldn’t help the desire to jump Toni right then and there, make sure she remembered who she was going home with.

“Be right back,” Shelby said as she walked back to Toni, took one of the beers from her and pulled her hand onto the dance floor, not deeming the girl with so much as a look.

As soon as they were on the dance floor, Shelby immediately turned and starting grinding on Toni slowly and lightly at first but slowly adding more pressure.

They danced that way for a while, so lost in the movement of her ass against Toni’s center, that she had no idea where Fatin, Leah and Dot had went.

Toni whispered in her ear, “Mmm damn ma, slow down, its not fair to make me wet in public when I can’t do anything about it.” Toni’s hands grabbing her hips tightly.

“I don’t play fair,” Shelby whispered back. She nibbled on Toni’s ear a little and licked right behind her ear causing Toni to take a deep breath in. Shelby knew exactly how to drive her crazy. She continued grinding on her to the beat. She reached her hand behind and touched Toni’s face.

“Damn, Shelby we might need to escape to the car soon.” Toni whispered, her voice low.

“I just don’t like other girls getting the wrong impression, thinking that you are anything but taken,” Shelby said, turning around and kissing Toni deeply, feeling her groan into her mouth.

“Hmm if this is the reaction though, I might have to get stuck talking to random girls more often.” Toni said after Shelby pulled away, licking her lips.

“Maybe we find a bedroom? And I show you exactly what seeing other girls flirt with you does to me?” Shelby said and Toni just nodded, biting her lip like she always did when she was turned on.

She practically pulled Toni up the steps as she laughed behind her. 

The first door she tried was locked.

Shelby turned the knob of the second door and immediately recognized the voice yelling, “Occupied.”

Shelby shut the door as quickly as she could but not before discovering where Fatin, Leah and Dottie had disappeared to.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty fluffy.

“Jeff, tell me you found us something?” Toni asked as she clocked out and slid on the leather jacket Shelby had gotten her as a birthday present last April. Well, that and her baby that she was about to hop onto, the bright red Harley Davidson parked in her spot behind the club she worked at. Tomak had gotten Toni a job checking IDs and barbacking at the club he performed at so she could feel useful.

She had been supposed to work ‘til close per usual and that’s exactly what Shelby thought she was doing. However, your fiancé only turns 21 once so Toni had other plans. She had been planning this for months and she wasn’t about to let a power outage at the catering place derail her plans.

“Yes, Menlo’s third favorite babysitter works at that place with the chicken fingers Shelby likes, you know with all the different sauces? And the fries you like? Well, she and her coworkers are working on a huge order and Marlene is going to head over and get them. You can breathe now.” Jeff said.

Jeff and Tomak’s adoption had come through about 6 months ago, shortly after Toni and Shelby had bought their house from the owner. Toni and Shelby were both frequent Menlo babysitters, and Toni loved the time she got to spend with her little man. He loved music so they constantly had music on in the house when he was there, Toni determined to expand his musical tastes beyond the country and showtunes his fathers’ favored. His favorite, and Toni’s favorite too of course was when Shelby would sing to him. His little legs would get to kicking in his bouncy seat and his whole little body would wiggle. It made Toni look forward to the kids they would foster and adopt in the future. 

In the last six months Toni and Shelby had gone to Rome, Prague, and Amsterdam. Shelby had traveled some solo as well and with Fatin. Dot and Leah had apparently both really only been all about the travel for the same reason: Fatin. Once that was all figured out, they actually bought a house a few beaches over, which was the best idea they had ever had.

Toni thought back to Fourth of July, it was one of the most perfect nights she had ever had. Marti and Edwin had come down. Rachel and one of her pre-law classmates, Tyson, flew down. Toni liked Tyson and was pretty sure they were dating but Rachel was so closed off about stuff like that. Marlene threw an annual fourth of July party that was the stuff of legends. They spent the night laughing and dancing on the beach under the stars and she ended the night, Shelby in her arms sitting on a blanket watching the fireworks over the ocean.

They had brunched the next morning at DLF’s, it cracked Toni up to refer to them as DILF. Unfortunately, it did not amuse them as much. When Marti uncharacteristically turned down a Mimosa, Toni had caught her eye and Marti smiled one of their special smiles. So, Toni was less than surprised when Edwin made a toast a few moments later announcing that in February they would welcoming a newest member to the Unsinkable family. Every time Toni thought about her best friend becoming a momma, she got emotional. She knew Marti was going to be an amazing momma and that she would be racking up the frequent flier miles flying up to see Marti and the baby.

Shelby had traveled as she had wanted and Toni joined on a few trips but she enjoyed Shelby’s homecomings even more than she expected to. The saying distance makes the heart grow fonder had some truth to it. She loved the feeling of picking Shelby up at the airport with a bouquet and hearing all about her adventures.

She had just recently picked Shelby up from a short trip to Nashville, Shelby had found a nearby reconciling church that she had started going to and been reconnected with her faith. Through her church she had learned about the Reconciling Ministries Network, (RMN), a group dedicated to helping churches that believed in God’s love for all people for exactly who they are. The RMN had held a conference in Nashville and Shelby had come back so energized and excited. She couldn’t stop talking about some of the preachers and performers she had met that traveled around to different reconciling churches and events. Toni was so glad Shelby had found something she was excited about contributing to.

Toni parked her motorcycle outside Marlene’s house and walked her way back to the back deck. Shelby and Toni had grand plans to make their back deck a tropical paradise similar to Marlene’s; however, their last six months had been hectic that they hadn’t gotten very far. Marlene had been so gracious to offer her back deck for Shelby’s surprise party. Rachel and Tyson had flown in and were staying at DLF’s. Marti and Edwin were going to be on Facetime since she was busy baking Shelby’s goddaughter. Shelby didn’t know that yet, Marti had sent a box full of things asking Shelby to be the baby’s Godmother that she was going to open tonight.

“Hey darling,” Marlene said wrapping Toni into a big hug. Toni smiled and breathed in the typical Marlene smell that she loved, coconut, vodka, mixed with a little weed. Marlene was the Gramma that Toni never had.

Christina had long since broken all ties with her parents when Toni had come along and Toni had no idea about her dad’s side other than he was indigenous but she didn’t even know what tribe. Christina didn’t like to talk about her family or Toni’s dad and when she was around, she was always so fragile that Toni never felt comfortable enough to ask. It was only now that they were building a extended family that Toni thought about if she had an extended family that might not even know about her.

“It looks so good Marlene!” Toni said looking around, Marlene had draped pink and green lights over all the trees, Shelby’s two favorite colors, and Toni had rented small tables and chairs that filled the deck and were draped with pink table clothes and had beautiful green centerpieces made by a local artisan who was a friend of Marlene’s.

“Okay, I’m going to grab the food, people should be arriving within the next half hour. The photographer just texted and she is about fifteen minutes out. In an hour at 7, Dottie darling is going to bring Shelby over for what she thinks is a girl’s wine night. I put the bag you dropped off yesterday in the guest bedroom and there are clean towels on the bed. Everything is taken care of, go get yourself changed.” Marlene said and Toni let out a huge sigh of relief. After months of planning everything really was coming together. Toni had never planned anything like this before in her life and she wanted every detail to be perfect. 

“Okay, Marlene thank you so much, I couldn’t have done this without you.” Toni said, fighting back the feelings of gratitude welling up inside her. Marlene just nodded at her were a knowing look and Toni saw her trying to not to cry as she just shooed Toni into the house.

Toni got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around her and looked at the clock, she still had about 30 minutes before she needed to get downstairs. She could hear the band starting and the voices of their friends and chosen family drifting up through the opening window. The chicken fingers must have been delivered because the air smelled delicious.

She grabbed Shelby’s gifts out of the bag. Two of Shelby’s gifts were back at the house, the Kitchenaid mixer because it was too big and bulky to cart back and forth from Marlene’s. The other because it was not for public viewing.

Toni chuckled thinking back to the disappointment that was evident on Shelby’s face earlier when she ran off to work. She was sure Shelby had figured that Toni would have done something special for her birthday before she went to work. She couldn’t wait until she saw Shelby’s face when she got to Marlene’s. 

Toni got dressed in a black button up and pink tie that she hoped Shelby would like, she pulled on the black skinny jeans that Shelby said made her ass look good. She could hear the band playing as she grabbed the gifts and headed down the stairs.

“Ayye, now the party can start!” Jeff said as she walked outside wrapping her in a side hug as he held Menlo on the other hip.

“Hey handsome, you excited to surprise Shelby?!” Toni said as she kissed Menlo on the forehead. Jeff had dressed him in an adorable tux onesie for the occasion.

“Shalifoe you are so soft.” Rachel said behind her, Toni hearing the eyeroll before she even turned around. When she did turn around, she noticed that Rachel was holding Tyson’s hand. About fucking time, they admitted that. She had gotten a prosthetic that looked remarkably realistic, medicine was miraculous.

“So glad you guys could make it, I know classes have started back up, so I really appreciate it.” Toni said.

“Of course, we had to make it work so Shelby could finally join the 21 club,” Rachel said as she fist bumped Toni.

It was an absolutely perfect late summer early evening in Texas, it wasn’t even deadly hot. There was a nice breeze off the ocean and the sky was perfectly clear and a beautiful blue.

The sun was just starting to make its descent into the ocean when Fatin announced, “Places bitches!” Toni hid behind one of the tables right at the front. The band stopped playing and the photographer positioned herself on the beach right by the deck steps. Toni heard Shelby before she saw her. “Wow, Marlene really outdid herself for a girls night!” Right as Shelby started up the steps Toni popped out, “Surprise,” and everyone else popped up.

Toni couldn’t have imagined a better response, Shelby was crying and the look coming out of those beautiful green eyes was pure love.

“I hate you, I was convinced you weren’t doing a dang thing for my birthday.” Shelby said as she hugged Toni, giving her a soft kiss and then pushed her shoulder playfully.

“I know that typically the cake happens later but we thought for this special occasion we would bring the cake out now,” announced theatrically.

She could the emotion pouring off of Shelby as her mom, Melody and Spencer came out, Spencer carrying the cake lit aflame with 21 candles.

“Baby, thank you,” Shelby whispered, her arm around Toni as the whole crowd around them sang “Happy Birthday.” Toni was so proud she had pulled it off and Shelby’s face was worth all the effort put in.

The rest of the night went off without a hitch. Shelby bawled like a baby when they facetimed Marti and Edwin and she opened their present. She said, “yes, yes, yes,” to being Marti’s baby girl’s Godmother.

Toni and Marti had talked about it and Toni had flat out said, “the baby is my niece, you know Goddaughter doesn’t mean any more or less than that to me but it will to Shelby. And if part of the Godmother’s role is to be a moral role model I would much rather she turn out like Shelby,” Toni had teased. So, it had been decided, Shelby would be the Godmother and Edwin’s twin brother would be the Godfather.

Shelby cried when she opened the necklace Toni had gotten her, and again when she opened the tickets for the trip to Hawaii next month that had booked.

Toni was leaning against the deck railing watching Shelby dance with her mom and Melody.

“You did good Shalifoe,” Fatin said sliding up next to her, clinking their beers together.

“Do think she’s having the best birthday ever? That’s all I wanted,” Toni said.

“100. Look at that smile. Who knew you were so soft.” Fatin teased.

“Look who’s talking, don’t think I didn’t notice the matching watches all three of ya are wearing, That has your signature all over.” Toni teased, her suspicions confirmed when Fatin blushed and took a log sip of her beer.

It was a little after one in the morning when the last guests were leaving. Shelby was trashed, hanging all over Toni.

“Can you take me home and fuck me now?” Shelby attempted to whisper in her ear seductively, but she was so drunk that it wasn’t quite a whisper and Toni was just grateful Shelby’s family had went back to their hotel about an hour earlier.

“Yes baby, let’s go.” Toni said and she lifted Shelby into her arms, thinking it was the safest way to get her down the stairs.

Her plan had been to put her down when she got down the steps but Shelby had cuddled in so close that Toni just couldn’t make herself do it.

She carried Shelby down the beach to their house, hearing Shelby’s adorable soft snores right as they got their deck stairs. Toni’s arms were tired but she didn’t mind, she knew she would carry Shelby anywhere, even all the way up the stairs to their bedroom, which is exactly what she did.

“I love you,” Shelby murmured in her sleep as Toni tucked the love of her life into their bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright y'all one chapter left.... 
> 
> And it is what you have all been waiting for, at least I hope you have.... 
> 
> The Shoni wedding. 
> 
> This chapter has laid some of the foundations for the 3rd installment in this series which will catch up with the gang a few years into the future. 
> 
> Thanks for riding this ride with me! 
> 
> As always I live for your comments and theories!


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. 
> 
> As I was writing there were so many pre wedding vignettes I wanted to include that it just made sense to do a pre-wedding chapter and then a wedding chapter. 
> 
> Sorry not sorry to keep you waiting a little longer on the wedding.

Shelby took a deep breath as the store clerk zipped up the back of the dress. She raised her gaze to the mirror. 10 dresses later and this was it.

She had known the feeling she wanted from the dress but she had a hard time putting it into words. The ceremony was going to be on the beach and the reception at their house. Tomak had been working like a fiend since September and now it was coming up in two months.

Shelby and Toni had been slow to set a date because Toni’s only stipulation was that no matter where they got married, she wanted to be able to legally drink at her own wedding. Once Shelby’s birthday passed she decided she didn’t want to wait a second longer than necessary. Two days after her birthday when Toni came back from her morning run, she asked if she would be okay if they got married the Saturday after her birthday. Toni smiled one of her special Shelby smiles and nodded. About 30 minutes later Shelby had bought donuts from Tomak and Jeff’s favorite bakery and had showed up on his doorstep announcing, “We have a date and I have ideas.”

She took a deep breath before nodding to the clerk that she was ready to head out into the gallery. She could hear Fatin talking and couldn’t even imagine what story she could possibly be telling her mom and Melody. Leah, Dot, Marlene and of course Tomak were there as well. She would have wanted Martha there but considering Seneca was three days old, she understood. Toni had flown up Minnesota at the beginning of the week to be with Martha and help anyway she could.

Shelby smiled thinking about Toni’s Facetime call when she was with Seneca alone for the first time, Marti had fallen asleep and Edwin was still at work. “Shel, they just like left me with her, she’s so fucking small, fuck I shouldn’t say that word around her, shit. I mean she’s just so small, I can’t do this. What if I mess her up? She’s so perfect. Look at her toes, there’s ten of them. I counted. She has all ten fingers too, I made sure. Shel, what if I drop her?” Toni had rambled as she held Seneca in her arms. It was of the moments that Shelby could point to when the impossible happened, her love for Toni grew even more. Shelby knew Toni was freaking out but all she could think was damn, she looks good with a baby in her arms.

She heard her mom gasp first as she rounded the corner.

“Damn,” Fatin whispered.

Dot whistled low and winked at her as she caught her eye.

She smiled as she saw that Marlene and her mom were both just crying and nodding.

“Shelby, you look hot!” Melody said enthusiastically.

Tomak was already standing up and talking to the clerk.

“So…” Shelby prodded.

“It’s it.” Leah said as she came up to wipe a tear from Shelby’s cheek.

A month and a half before the ceremony while having one of their now standard, “Wine and Wedding,” sessions on Tomak and Jeff’s back deck, Tomak asked Shelby if they had booked their honeymoon yet.

“Oh goodness, I haven’t even thought about it. I don’t know if Toni can get off work. I was so focused on the wedding itself; I didn’t even think about a honeymoon. I don’t know if she has.

“I’ll take care of her work schedule, that is not an issue.” Tomak said, she always forgot that Tomak and Jeff were part owners of the club.

Shelby texted Toni, “Honeymoon?”

“I always just assumed Hawaii… actually this time, not some tragic social experiment.” Shelby laughed as she read Toni’s response, she had thought about Hawaii too but wasn’t sure Toni would be down. Everything felt so full circle, they met on a beach, fell in love on a beach, they will get married on a beach and then honeymoon on the original beach they thought they were going to in the first place.

“So, we have to tell Frankie how we want the ceremony, she’s down for a mix of religious language and secular readings. Is there any reading you would like?” Shelby asked at breakfast as she set Toni’s favorite blueberry pancakes down in front of her. Tomak had found them an ordained queer pastor who was on board for a secular ceremony with some of the traditional trappings and prayers that were important to Shelby.

“Reading?” Toni asked as she stuffed one of the pieces of bacon from her plate into her mouth with her fingers.

“Like a poem, something meaningful to you and relates to our wedding.” Shelby explained.

“Like a song?” Toni asked thoughtfully.

“Yeah a song, but Toni?” Shelby asked.

“Yeah?” Toni responded.

“No one is reciting Juicy at our wedding.” Shelby laughed and Toni faked being crestfallen.

Shelby overheard Toni coughing all the way downstairs in the kitchen. Shelby continued making her fiancé a medicinal tea Tomak had dropped off. It was just their luck that Toni, who never got sick would get an awful spring cold two weeks before their wedding. And in true fashion of people who never got sick, Toni was not handling it well. It amazed Shelby that this woman had survived being beaten resulting in a broken jaw, broken ribs, a burnt hand etc with less drama than a head cold.

She carried the tea up the stairs to find Toni sitting against the back board, wrapped in their comfiest blanket, nose red, pile of tissues on the bedside table her Ipad on her lap, airpods in.

“Whatcha watching babe?” Shelby said as she came up to plant a kiss on Toni’s forehead.

Toni quickly flipped the Ipad over and blushed mumbling something under her breath.

“What are you watching porn or something?” Shelby laughed as she climbed into bed on her other side.

“No, its more embarrassing.” Toni said as she cuddled into Shelby as she handed her the tea.

Shelby flipped the Ipad and laughed as she recognized a scene from “Say I Do,” on Netflix.

“You are watching weddings shows. You are adorable.” Shelby said.

“It’s not that. Nevermind.” Toni whispered and Shelby felt that the mood shift.

“T, what is it babe?” Shelby asked and she pulled her closer.

“I’ve never even been to a wedding before. Now I am having one. What if I don’t do it right? I want the day to be perfect for you and everything you, I would hate it if I messed it up by doing the wrong thing.” Toni confessed.

Shelby’s heart broke a little hearing her wife say that. She knew her and Tomak had been stressing about the last little detail but that was because it was fun. She was having so much planning every little detail and she Tomak said she was a natural. He had even suggested her taking on a consulting role at his company after the wedding. Funny how neither she or Toni had been looking for jobs and Tomak had found something perfect for both of them.

“Oh sweetie, the day will be perfect because you are there, the wedding is just fluff, all I care about is marrying you. That at the end of a fun party with the people we love most in the world, I get to know that you are mine for the rest of my life.” Shelby said, meaning every word.

Shelby woke up to a noise maker of some sort and flashing lights? What in the heck was going on.

“ Get up slut, you are being kidnapped,” Fatin yelled and Shelby realized that her bedroom was full of her friends. She looked over to Toni’s side of the bed and it was empty. Where was Toni?

“She’s downstairs with your suitcase, she let us inside,” Leah explained.

“Suitcase? Where are we going?” Shelby asked looking around, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“New York City Bitch, its your fucking bachelorette weekend. We got tickets to three different broadway shows you’ve been wanting to see and are on the list for some of the hottest clubs due to Fatin’s hookups last time we were there. However, she will not be doing that this time around.” Dot said shooting Fatin a look.

“What about Toni?” Shelby asked.

“Oh don’t worry her turn is coming up as soon as the bitch turns 21 in a few days, we have stripper-licious plans for her.” Fatin whispered.

Shelby’s eyes went wide. “Wait what?”

“Shh, shh, don’t worry she’ll behave, you know she only has eyes for you. It’s pretty disgusting actually.” Rach said as she rolled her eyes.

As Shelby was trying to get ready and wake up at the same time, she started getting excited. The wedding was a week away, everything had been planned and decided and Toni was finally feeling better. Nothing sounded better than a weekend away in New York with musical theater and her girls.

She was fully excited when she made the way down the stairs to see her friends strewn around the living room and saw Fatin with her arm around Toni. Toni looked hot in a oversized sleeveless shirtover a sports bra and old basketball shorts. If she wasn’t so excited for her getaway weekend she would want to excuse themselves and take Toni right upstairs. It made her giggle thinking back to just a few months ago when she had been jealous of Fatin and Toni’s relationship.

Fatin would always be Fatin but she had her hands full now with Leah and Dot. Shelby stood on the steps not trying to be a creep but taking in the moment of her house filled with the women who had become her family and her future wife. Growing up her parents had been so strict that her house was never the party house, they had had Andrew’s house and his absentee parents for that. She had always dreamed of having a house where everyone gathered and that was always filled with friends and she finally got to live her dream.

“Hey babe, you look nice, you guys need to get going, your limo is here.” Toni said as she came over to her.

As all her friends starting filing out, grabbing their various pieces of luggage, Leah and Dot carrying their own and Fatin’s of course, Shelby hung back with Toni holding her suitcase.

“I can’t believe you knew about this babe, what are you going to do all weekend by yourself,”

“Lots of masterbating.” Toni deadpanned, causing Shelby to roll her eyes as Toni followed her out with her bag. 


	36. Chapter 36

Toni sat on the back deck smoking a bowl and scrolling through her friends Insta stories. It felt eerily similar to after the incident when she stalked her friends’ social media while they were in Australia. She had to remind herself that it didn’t how many girls Shelby flirted with this weekend, exactly one week from tonight they would be legally married.

It was crazy to think about. Toni thought back to the angry 17 year old who had got on the plane for a bullshit womens retreat. Who would have thought that 4 years later she would own a house bigger than any she had ever stayed in and she was about to marry the most beautiful woman she had ever seen.

She took another deep inhale. Dottie never failed her and had stocked her up before her solo weekend. Her chosen family had made sure she wasn’t alone, she had dinner with Jeff and Menlo and she was going to Facetime Marti and Seneca later and watch old school Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They had just recently started bingeing the series together.

Last night had been her last night at work until after they got back from Hawaii. The staff had been lame and decorated her locker like she was 15. With her 21st birthday being so close to the wedding she had decided she just wanted to come to the club with her friends and drink her face off and then go home and have ridiculous sex with her amazingly sexy fiancé.

Speaking of, Toni smiled to see a text from Shelby. Judging by their insta stories, they had been drinking all day.

“Hey sexy.” Shelby texted. Toni laughed, Shelby was definitely wasted.

“Hey babe, having fun?” Toni responded

“So much but I am missing you a lot.” Shelby texted accompanied with a picture, Shelby a little sweaty from dancing, definitely drunk eyes, showing the top of one Toni’s favorite dresses, and Shelby’s finger in her mouth. It was definitely sexy.

“Damn ma. I might need to use that later.” Toni texted back accompanied by a devil emoji.

“Use it now. Tell me about it.” Shelby texted. Toni inhaled deeply, man this girl. Sometimes she thought she had created a monster but she loved every second of it.

“Give me a second to go inside, I don’t need Menlo hearing me get off on the deck.” Toni texted back. Not that she and Shelby hadn’t had sex on the back deck a few times, Shelby loved the extra danger element of someone walking by on the sand. Toni knew she was just high enough that she probably wouldn’t be able to keep herself quiet.

Toni went inside and got herself settled onto the couch, reached her hand down into her shorts and sent Shelby a picture.

Shelby sent a picture back, obviously in a club bathroom stall camera angled directly up her dress showing off her black thong.

Fuck.

“Damn, I’m rubbing my clit wishing you were here.” Toni texted back.

“Good girl.” Shelby texted back making Toni quicken the pause and slide two fingers into herself, she always got so turned on when Shelby said that to her while they were having sex.

Shelby texted a picture up her dress this one with her panties pushed to the side.

That was exactly the motivation Toni needed to go even harder. She took her phone and put it on the couch for a perfect view as she recorded a video of herself cumming to the sexy pictures of her fiancé.

“You might need to stick your airpods in to watch that babe.” Toni texted accompanying the video.

Almost as soon as she sent it, Marti’s facetime request came on the screen, she pulled her shorts back on and grabbed her tablet to switch gears. Between the weed and the orgasm she was now perfectly relaxed, maybe solo weekends weren’t the worst thing in the world.

Toni woke up on the couch, she wouldn’t admit it but she didn’t love sleeping in their bed without Shelby. Most of the times when she was gone she ended up in one of the guest rooms but since Marti, her mom, Edwin and Seneca were coming this week for her birthday and of course the wedding the rooms were already cleaned and made up for them.

After she went for her run she went into town. She had a few last-minute things she needed to do. She had gifts to pick up for her attendants. It sounded old fashioned but so much of traditional wedding language was gendered, they had opted to refer to all of the people standing up with them as attendants, regardless of which side they were on.

Deciding who was going to stand where had been quite the task. Marti was a given to stand on Toni’s side. Shelby was going to have Melody stand with her. The rest of their friends were basically chosen in a school yard pick reminiscent of the shelter building contest years ago on the island.

They both couldn’t be happier with the final result. Toni’s attendants were Marti, Fatin, and Rachel and Melody, Leah, and Dot would stand with Shelby. Toni had found this local artist who made necklaces out of Galveston sand and resin that were beautiful. She thought they would be a perfect gift to thank the three women that would be standing with her.

Toni also had to run to the mall and do something she had never done. Lingerie had always been Shelby’s realm but she thought for their wedding night she might surprise Shelby by wearing some herself.

She couldn’t help but be nervous walking into the Fredericks of Hollywood at the mall, it was as far out of her comfort zone as possible. She was barely into the store when she got cold feet and figured maybe she could come back with Marti or Fatin later this week. She was just about to turn around when the store clerk came up to her.

“Hey can I help you? You look terrified. Buying for yourself or a girlfriend?” The woman asked, the fact that she was looking her up and down not lost on Toni, maybe that was just because she worked in lingerie and thinking about her size.

“For me. Well and her. I mean my fiancé. I am getting married on Saturday and I wanted to wear something special under my jumpsuit.” Toni stammered, if she were buying for Shelby she would not have been nearly as nervous. However, the thought of stepping outside of her comfort zone of boxers and sports bras had her palms sweating.

“Well, I can definitely help you find some things that will look great on you. I’m Gina.”

“Thanks, I’m Toni.” An hour later, Toni was confident in her purchases and was proud of herself for actually recognizing that someone was flirting with her and purposely not flirting back.

“Happy Birthday baby!” Shelby woke her up as she came up the stairs with a donut with a candle and coffee, the perfect birthday breakfast. Birthdays had always been a sore spot for Toni, especially the years she was in foster care. For years in a row Marti and the Blackburns were the only people who ever acknowledged her birthday. She had never had an honest to goodness birthday party and had only been to a couple growing up because she never had anyone to take her. That was part of what made the Build A Bear party and the bear she and Shelby had made a almost a year ago now so special.

She had shared that with Shelby and Shelby had cried, like she always did when Toni talked about her childhood. The amount that Shelby cared and wanted to give Toni everything she never had was one of the million reasons she was so grateful that she had found this woman. Ever since that first year, her senior year, Shelby had always made a point to make Toni’s birthday so special. This year was no exception, she knew Shelby had a full day of festivities planned, culminating with a night out at Toni’s club.

Shelby crawled into bed next to her and started singing Happy Birthday. Toni could listen to her sing all day long, she put her head on Shelby’s shoulder as she sang. She wanted to just capsulate this moment, this feeling. She wished she could share this feeling with every kid who was currently in situations like hers or even worse, to let them have the knowledge and hope that it can get better. No matter where or how the story begins there is a chance to find home, she had found it under the strangest of circumstances in this woman, on a beach hundreds of miles from where her story started.

Toni threw her head back to the music, letting Fatin spin her around.

The day had been absolutely perfect. Lunch at a brewery in town accompanied by a flight of all their beers, renting bikes and a long bike ride around the island, followed by showers and dinner with Shelby at one of the nicest restaurants in the area, and now back with all their friends at the club. Everyone working tonight knew it was her birthday so the drinks were flowing and they were strong. Also, she laughed every time they made a big deal of asking to check her ID.

“Hey y’all, one of your favorite front door bitches is FINALLY legal, so raise your glass to our resident tiny angry lesbian, Toni. Your time is almost up to shoot your shot ladies, she’s getting married on Saturday. To Toni!” DJ Kyndoll announced over the loudspeakers. She couldn’t help but laugh at how quickly Shelby’s impression soured when she mentioned ladies shooting their shot. 

Toni took a step across their groups circle to take Shelby into her arms. “They can shoot their shots all day long, they are never going to score, I already won the ship, you are the grand prize, “Toni whispered as the music started back up and she put her hands on Shelby’s hips and they started moving to the beat.

Marti and Edwin were dancing nearby, they had gotten in this morning and Mrs. Blackburn was back at the house watching Seneca allowing for the couple’s first night out since becoming parents. Toni loved seeing her friend so happy.

Toni took a break from the dancing and headed to the bar to grab another beer. Immediately Edwin was at her shoulder, “You can’t get your own drinks on your 21st birthday, it’s a rule.” Toni smiled.

“Two shots of whiskey, and two more beers.” Edwin said as the bartender came over.

“More shots? I am fucking trashed dude.” Toni laughed but didn’t refuse as the whiskey was poured in front of her.

“Well I needed to ask you something. I have already talked to Mrs. Blackburn, but I feel like I need to talk to you too.” Edwin said as he picked up his glass.

Toni smiled, she was pretty sure of what he needed to talk about and she couldn’t be happier, she snuck a glance at Marti and Shelby silly dancing with Leah.

“I want to ask Marti to be my wife, and as the most important person in her life, I would like your blessing,” Edwin asked.

Toni beamed, “Believe me if you didn’t have my blessing you would have known a long time ago. Thanks for making her so happy and we’re good as long as you continue to treat her like she’s the most precious thing in the world.” Toni said as she raised her glass, “To Marti.”

Edwin repeated, “to Marti,” as they clinked glasses and drank their shots, the whiskey warming Toni’s throat.

Shelby randomly suggested they grab lunch a few days later but Toni didn’t think anything of it until they made the turn toward DFL’s house, there were no restaurants in this direction.

“What’s going on?” Toni asked suspiciously as Shelby pulled up to the house and put the car in park.

“Sorry love, its your turn for the Fatin Bachelorette Experience, have fun. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon,” Shelby said as she hoped out of the car and opened the trunk, pulling Toni’s old basketball duffel out of the back.

Toni walked around the car and took Shelby into her arms kissing her deeply.

“No, no, no, none of that. It’s bachelorette time. No more kissing. She’s ours for 24 hours of debauchery.” Fatin said as she practically pulled Toni away from Shelby. Dot coming and grabbing the bag and ushering Toni into the house.

Shelby stood next to the car laughing when Toni was able to sneak a glance backward.

“You need to get changed, we have a whiskey and cigar tasting at that cigar bar, then a catered beach picnic, mussels- professionally cooked as to not poison all of us, and then we are going out.” Leah said a mischievous look in her eyes and Toni was pretty sure there was more to the going out.

She was in one of the guest rooms getting ready with Marti when Marti pulled a bag of edible gummy bears out of her bag. “Island throwback?” Marti said as she handed the bag to Toni.

“Haha fuck yeah, thanks Marti and thanks for being here.” Toni said, feeling the emotion welling up in her throat.

Marti came over and wrapped her in an all-encompassing Marti hug. Toni leaned her head on her shoulder instinctively, she was so lucky that through it all, she still had Marti. She was the first person to ever love her unconditionally. There were so many times that Marti should have given up on her and walked away but she never did.

“You know there is nowhere else I would rather be.” Marti said as she pressed play on her phone and “Juicy,” began playing.

Toni blinked as Dottie removed the blindfold from her eyes and of course they were standing outside a strip club.

“Guys, Shelby is going to kill me.” Toni said shaking her head, refusing to take a step toward the club.

“Nope, it has already been cleared by Goodkind as long as you behave.” Rach said much to Toni’s surprise. Shelby knew where they were taking her and was okay with it? That shocked Toni and also allowed herself to give herself permission to have a good time.

“Let’s go bitches,” Fatin yelled as they walked into the dark club.

The girl checking IDs and taking covers took a look at their group and asked knowingly, “a group of ladies, so whose the bachelorette?”

“This one, she drew the line at sashes and tiaras, her soon to be wife played along but not this one,” Leah said, pushing Toni forward.

“Ahh a lesbian bachelorette, the ladies love when we get those,” she said excitedly, looking Toni up and down. “Will you compromise at a button?” she said handing her a button, that just said, “It’s my party.” This Toni could handle.

The music was loud and the club was dark and women walked around in various stages of undress, Toni had never been anywhere like it. She understood why the girl at the door fawned all over them, it was predictably a total sausage fest.

Fatin had reserved the VIP area, of course she did, so they were able to be a little bit above the stage. After dancing all the ladies made the way through the crowd collecting tips and keeping the drinks coming. The first time she put a dollar in one of the strippers g string she felt guilty when her fingers brushed her bare hip. “It’s okay, my wife knows what I do and it turns her on, especially when I tell her lesbians came through. I’m Rain, lap dance later?” Toni’s eyes were wide and she just nodded.

If Toni was being honest Rain was the kind of woman Toni always thought she would end up with a little dangerous, a little dirty, and dripping sex appeal. Now Toni just looked at women like her and was so grateful for the preacher’s daughter, girl next door, all-American beauty waiting at home for her.

Toni pulled out her phone to text Shelby, “So you approved the strip club, really?”

Shelby texted back, “yeah because I know who you are coming home to.”

Toni smiled, “just had a stripper tell me her wife got turned on thinking when she told her about lesbians coming in.”

“I could see that, thinking about those girls flirting and trying to get you to notice them, knowing you never will, turns me on too.” Shelby texted back right as Fatin grabbed her phone shaking her head at Toni.

It took a few hours and a lot of shots for Toni to finally agree to let Dottie purchase her a private lap dance. She saw Fatin whispering in Dottie’s ear, Dottie’s hand firmly on Fatin’s ass as she leaned into her. She liked seeing how the three of them being together had really allowed Dottie and Leah to be more open and more themselves.

“I told her which one you wanted,” Fatin said as Toni got up to follow Dottie.

“How do you know which one I would want?” Toni asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh please, I know you Shalifoe, I saw which one was getting you hot and bothered and whispering in your ear every time she came around and I’m pretty sure you have tipped her at least a hundred tonight.” Fatin said motioning her head toward Rain and Toni blushed. Of course Fatin would pick u on who Toni was attracted to, Fatin always knew.

“Don’t do anything I would do,” Fatin yelled as Rain led Toni up the stairs to one of the private lap dance areas.

The music started and Rain started dancing and moved closer to Toni.

“You can relax, and you can touch, I only bite sometimes.” Rain said as she took one of Toni’s hands on her breast.

Toni hadn’t even released she had tensed up, she allowed herself enjoy and got turned on thinking about recounting the experience to Shelby.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is a short first chapter but I have a lot of ideas for where this is headed, and all I can say is hang on! 
> 
> Check out my tumblr at Wild at Hart if you want to send prompts!


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